Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

[Yogagirl17]

Erm...hope nobody minds?

Congratulations! That's lovely news! :)

Thank you! I am positively floating with happiness

oooh, what time has said is very wise. and true.

its not your job to protect him from life, you know that. sometimes, you have to take a step back in everyones best interets. that doesnt make you uncaring.
it doesnt make you a bad person.

oooh err...very spooky!!

Hi ladies

Just need a quick bit of advice - how can you tell if you've been blocked by someone? I've been kn few dates with a man then contact has been scarce over last few day although he did tell me e really liked me ad wanted anoter date. Just logged onto dating site and he was online. I didn't message him or anything. He was on my "who has viewed you" section then 5 mins later he just vanished.

O my dear god I have been blocked haven't I?! I promise I didn't turn into a stalker or anything. Hadn't heard off him since Thursday so thought I would send a good morning text but then nothing....!

Very spooky indeed Mercury, and with fear of making myself sound like a complete loon, I will admit that I have actually felt something happening. I can only liken it to when you are pregnant and have the urge to nest, when you start manically cleaning and getting everything in order. Well I have been 'nesting' in preparation for a job that I didn't even know was on the horizon, for a few weeks now. I know it sounds bonkers but I've felt like I've been guided and because I've gone with it rather than against it, it's all worked out. And I swear I don't drink or take drugs and I am completely sane

Makethepainstop I'm not entirely sure but it does sound like he could have hit the block button. Is this POF? I know that when a person deletes their account the photo disappears but the messages remain, and when you click on the profile it states that the user has deleted the account. And if you hide your profile your messages remain, so it can't be either of those. Anyway, don't take it personally, he has deleted his account because of himself, not you, don't waste time giving it head space, he obviously wasn't The One so move on to the next one

bantam that sounds like a wonderful start !

snape you are doing so well

Madam O wise,wise words...

watchout - this -

" im like that too. ressilliant as fuck. and i think i can help people by being nice, and supporting them, and etc, etc... but you cant. People are responsible for their own actions.

And while i race around pouring my engery into other people, trying to be everything to them, when it comes to me, when the shit hits the fan, noone wants to help, or even be there. and thats not friendship. Ive learnt the hard way. When things are awful i have one person who i can call, who gives no emotional support, but does give practical help. thats it. Im on my own."

This has been me,too. I am absolutely not doing this any more....I have worked hard on my self esteem ,listened to people telling me I am fab and started to believe it myself....in fact...the problem now seem to be that I don't know how I will meet anyone who actually comes up to my standards....I think i scare men off...

Thanks for advice. It's just single parents. Just clicked into his profile and could access everything. All very weird. Feel like sending a what's going on message but that would be wrong wouldn't it?! Arghhhhhhhhh!! It's not that I liked him that much just hate the feeling of being so disposable! Rubbish!!

I am wearing leopard print and my reddest lipstick.

watch - yes a bit of a lightbulb moment, which is making it easier to let go, but there was something real there too. He did "get" me in a way my XH never did in 18 years together, and that for me was fucking HUGE (and probably also why I build the rest of it up into something it never was). Problem is, after you meet someone who "gets you" like that it makes everyone else feel like such hard work - hence all the serial first dates! (Although tentatively agreeing to a second date with the Geek)

Time - so true what you say about letting PM learn to pick himself up when he is down. Just like we can't take away Snape's pain right now, she has to live through it, PM has to learn to do that too.

Bantam - woo hoo

Snape - Tim Minchin is married.

Yay for CAKE!

:) getting it.
no, you will, and it will be right, because you wont put up with any old shit, just because thats whats there.
It might take longer, but it will end up being a GOOD relationship, and they are worth waiting for.

It is no bad thing to know what you want, to know how you deserve to be treated and to wait till that person comes along. Too much unhappiness and pain is caused by people taking unecessary crap from people under some misguided bullshit of being a nice person for ignoring their own needs.
(men dont do this, it seems on the whole to be a woman thing. I shall be teaching my daughter the opposite, i hope)

have texted the nurse sponge, trying to work out when's good for a second date. Half term this week so sorting anything out around both sets of kids is more difficult than usual.

MakethePainstop how many dates with the man? I think the sad fact is that there are no rules of Etiquette for how to break things off. I read a blog on it here

itsnotamatch.com/2012/03/16/how-to-break-up-with-an-internet-date/

it would be nice if people were polite enough to give you closure, or whatever, but sometimes it just goes silent and you're left wondering whether they'll ever respond. I've been there myself. I'd far rather someone told me they'd met someone else, or there was no spark (only before the nudity though) or they'd been abducted by aliens, whatever. Just leaving someone holding on, or blocking them (which it sounds like maybe he did) is just rude.

yoga - he got you, there will be others, and its not bad to date and hold out until someone who gets you comes along... you dont have to date anyone, just because they are interested... This is a reason why dating is hard, getting a date is easy - getting a date with somone who gets you is way way harder.
( and takes time)

I know he's married. I'll invite his wife as well. :)

oh another thing Pain - it's not a case of it being 'wrong' to ask what's going on - as long as you don't turn into crazy stalker lady. You went out a few times (?) you had a nice time, you'd presumably like to do it again. Text him or mail him and ask if he'd like to do it again. It's not desperate, it's just you taking control of the situation.

If he doesn't respond then you know he's being a dick and it wouldn't have worked with him anyway. It could just be that he's got a lot of stuff on and wasn't sure if you were into him or not and he'd welcome a sign you are.

watch - yes, there will be others, it was just such a huge revelation!

Geek wants to know if I will come to him next Saturday - 27 miles on wee windy roads or 38 miles on Motorway & A roads. See, too much hard work. But he's so keen and wants to show me windmills. To be fair, he has said if don't fancy that he will meet me somewhere near here. Sigh, I don't know what to do. Sofa is looking better.

yoga - if you dont want to, and cant be arsed, then i think you should listen to yourself.
your head is trying to tell you. you just need to listen and trust it.
and again - thats where the self esteem builds.
if you dont want to go, why on earth would you go?
that would just be insane!

Re this thing of people "getting you":
We think it is rare and special when someone "gets" us but the thing is, we are changing and growing all the time, so the potential to meet like-minded others is growing too.
So many times in my life I have ascribed magical qualities to someone who makes me feel good, or safe, or attractive. But they were more just in the right place at the right time, rather than someone who I could consistently have in my life as a cherished friend. There was a hell of a lot of projection going on there, and unfortunately, often a fair bit of manipulation and agenda on their part too.

It's a cliche but our greatest relationship is with ourselves. We don't need anyone to complete us. The minute we start to be at peace with ourselves and like ourselves a bit, people come along who will complement us and enhance our lives, without feeling the need to control or have power over us. And similarly we will not need to rescue them, or pity them, or make allowances for them, because they will reflect our own sense of self-worth back at us.

Hello

It was 2 dates. He wanted 3rd - said it on night then by text I Thursday. All very weird. He has been cheated on a lot and said he thought the relationship (it isn't a relationship at all) with my exh was weird and not closed properly. In all honestly I think he has probably met someone online that clicks more with him. Shame really because I liked his company, he had brilliant advice and although I wasn't majorly hooked on him I could feel something growing just not an initial WOW!

Thanks for your advice ladies.

Now can anyone advise of any other good dating sites....? He was literally the only decent man in my area on just single parents xx

madameo - i agree.
100%

plus, if people ' got ' you, they wouldnt act like total arseholes towards you.

essentially its a whole lot of projection.

Makethepainstop maybe OK Cupid? Although for me it seems to specialise in men with ishoos.

Madame - everything you say is right, it was just that after 18 years convincing myself that it was fine being with someone who so did NOT get me, I suddenly thought, "fuck, look what I've been missing all this time!". It was like I'd been thirsty for years and didn't know it until someone gave me a drink. Which is so stupid of me because I grew up having great friendships and relationships with both men and women. Yet despite that, I somehow ended up married to someone who was so emotionally unfulfilling. Crazy.

Snape & Sponge - I want all the cake details later please. I want cake porn!

ywk used to tell me we understood each other, could see into each others souls, were soul mates ( even though i would tell him i didnt believe such tosh)
that he felt so close to me, understood me in ways others hadnt, how i could see right through him and was the only one who ever did.
Like i fool i fell for it.
When he shit all over me ( continually) he would say it was a shame to waste what we had, as it was so rare, how often does it happen that someone just gets you, for who you really are.

bollocks. if he got me, he wouldnt have treated me like shit.
Yoga - had mr60 got you, he would be with you, not just occassionally trying to fuck you.
snape - had pm got you, he would have loved you for what happened, not behaved like the biggest arse in the world.

tis the truth, painful but true.
if someone likes/ loves/ understands you, then they dont hurt you, they dont use you and they certainly dont take advantage of you.

yoga - you just had a sip from the cup of promise,thats all. and your eyes open to what COULD be. It wasnt with him, but potenitally, could be with anyone. It was THAT that you fell for, not HIM.

and thats ok. to realise there is a whole world out there, at your feet, is a very intoxicating thing.

and is probably why you tried to cliing onto him.... he represented that. but the power lies with you... not him.

MadameO I totally agree about the relationship with ourselves and not needing anyone to complete you. That's part of the epiphany moment I had about this time last year. I have had such a good time and enjoyed life so much more with my changed outlook. I think my attitude and self esteem weren't too bad as it was, but things really started clicking into place in my mind from about this time last year through to Jan/Feb.

Time! WELL DONE with the job :o and ooooOOOOOooo at the cosmic spookyness, that's brilliant. I really think there's something in the 'focusing the mind' aspect of it.