Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

[Yogagirl17]

Erm...hope nobody minds?

And notice how it's about him again, and you spoiling things for him, now you have put him off the second performance

hmmmm.
i dont know snape.

i think you should just say no. Ultimatley - can you REALLY see a situation where you can be friends, that you can turn your feelings off ( because you havent been able to in 3 years)
that he wont take advantage of this ( because he has done)
that you wont always be hoping or angry at him for it all.

i cant see how it can work. i really cant. obviously of course, its your choice, but look long term, not just at trying to sort out the immediate horribleness of this situation.

agreed. its about him. again.

Farrrrrrrrgh. I want to respond, 'let's try. You are so important to me, things might have to change but I want to get through this'

But you will all, quite rightly, say 'let the fucker stew', because he has been complicit, he has treated me less than well, he has tinkered with my affections, he has been less than kind.

I don't know what to do. How can I let him continue to treat me like this!?

Vipers? Wisdom.

When really, I should be a bit fuck you. Shouldn't I?! I'm fucking glorious! He should be privileged to spend time with me.

You meet someone and it just feels right, despite their sweaty hands and emotionally stunted nonsense- & everything falls into and then out of place.

Back to a bit of a wobble. Hands held aloft.

oh god, I know this is horribly emotionally invested for a big bunch of you who don't know me from Adam, I do absolutely appreciate and love you and I do try to take it all on board and then just damn well do my own thing, sheeeeeeesh!

Tough love, my lovlies, tell me straight.

Ok, yes, I think let the fucker stew. But more importantly, it's about YOU and protecting yourself. How will you feel seeing him/talking to him if he carries on seeing the orange tart girl? You did this for a reason, because you knew you couldn't carry on.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Take a hammer and smash up the computer Step away from the keyboard. Do not respond. Do not dance to his tune. You are in this situation now because you have danced to his tune. You are no longer going to do that. You are going to ignore him, you are going to go very silent, disappear from his life and create a great big void. You are going to give him to space to miss you, to appreciate what he had with you, and if he wants a 'friendship' with you he is going to have to prove himself to be a friend worth having. because you are worthy of decent people in your life, you do not deserve cruel, cold, selfish people in your life.

In that short message, he says "I" five times, derides your email as an inconvenience to him, tries to control the situation by casually suggesting a time that plainly suits him and then breezily assures you that you can work it out.
Why does he need to say he is acting
Unless he means acting the twat...

By the way, Scotland's answer to Jonny Depp isn't still single by any chance?

Scotland's answer to johnny depp has apparently not aged very well. (Sorry!). plus, frankly, I've ruined him for all other women

If I agree to meet him it will be at his, at my convienience, not a public place and I have no intention of responding until after I have had cake with sponge.

Sorry I've not been around to offer more sympathy today, Snape, but you've had lots of good advice and much hand holding. Hope the 'hugs bosom' particle is creating a whole new big bang for you.

But let me get this straight, series of events as follows:

1.Big reveal and laying bare of emotions and Snape making herself vulnerable.
2.Voldemort is all heartbroken and sympathetic.

1. space for a couple of days to allow both to heal
2. Voldemort defriends Snape (clearly to get a reaction)
3. Snape sends friendly 'can we sort this out' text
4. Voldemort sends vile aggressive, self-important text
5. Snape sends friendly 'that was a bit strong, mate, can't we just be friends?' email
6. Voldemort, having finally got Snape to behave herself and grovel enough (bad choice of word, I mean it in the sense that she is telling him how valuable he is), sends a nice email.

I'm so sorry, Snape, but this doesn't sound like Asperger's to me, this sounds manipulative.

You deserve so much better than this and you will have it, soon, my love.

SNAPE!!!! The silence had better not be an indication that you are replying to that pathetic email!!

Nothing that you thought about him earlier has changed just because of that terse mealy mouthed little email. Fucking hell woman, you are a gem, a delight! He should be rapturously singing your praises. Work it out? WORK IT OUT? The only acceptable response to that amazing huge gesture of love you made the other night would be for him to say he loves you completely and utterly, and sweep you up and take you off to bed for ever and ever. This is utter pants. You cannot tolerate this bilge from him and actually think you are worth that. You are worth more. Far, far more. And you need to scrape this idiot off your shoe now, otherwise you will waste another 1, 6 or 12 months on this absolute cockmoose, only to find yourself in exactly the same situation a year from now. And you will have to start all over again, block him again, delete his number again, get your head used to the idea of not having him in your life. Again. And you will wonder, what if I had done this in October 2012, when I first realised what a wang he really was? Where would I be now? How healed would I be now, how happy? Instead of being on the floor with misery. And having to begin all over again, the process of healing from this.

Have a chat with your Future Self snape my love, and she will tell you all you need to know.

can't say it any better than Time has. You need to create a void. How about if we say you ARE allowed to be his friend again. But you have to wait a month? You could manage a month, we'd be here to distract you, and then you can see with some clarity where your heart and your life stand after that and THEN make the choice, but not now lovely. Not when you are still a junkie for him.

Please Snape, don't meet him. I know you will, because right now it will be too hard not to, but I do wish you wouldn't. I'm worried that you are prepared to settle for crumbs just to have him in your life. I don't see a way back from this, I mean, how do you stop loving someone just because they don't want you to love them? How do you do that? How can you do that Snape?

Sleep on it for a week. Don't do anything now

Think long and hard about how the next 6 months will be in both scenarios

1. You meet with him, put all your feelings on a back burner and carry on the friendship. You will still love him and he still won't be in love with you. He will have other relationships and expect you to be there to help him through

1. You stop contact. You cry and feel sad for a while. You go out, have fun and laugh with friends and family, ignoring men for a while until you meet one who is worthy of you

Take a few days of no contact and have a fantastic weekend

Personally, I don't think a month is long enough, I say three months minimum. If you do want to be his friend again you have to make sure that you aren't going to be sent straight back to square one, you have to be in a different emotional place to the one you are in right now. You need to do a whole lot of work on that self esteem of yours and ask yourself why you don't value yourself enough to walk away from a man who only has his own best interests at heart.

Cockmoose!

New word. Love it.

I need a bit more than that text don't I? And thank you for you outrage on my behalf. I am chronically shy in 'real life', but I act. That gets weary sometimes. When I am being magnificent I need to duck into the toilets to breathe and count to ten.

I am counting to ten. Hundred.

Fantastic advice going on here!

Tough love, my lovlies, tell me straight.

Totally straight and brutal - if he hasn't fallen in love with you or hasn't allowed himself to fall in love you in three years, he isn't going to

If you don't make a break, you will never be ready to fall in love with someone else or let someone else love you

I know that sounds so nasty written down but we don't want this man to hold you down, cos he will. He sounds very selfish from what you write (and I know we only have what you write to go on)

Give yourself 7 free days before you even consider answering him, do nothing tonight or tomorrow

Oh not not option three. Option three is the very very worst. Argh. I'm referring to my predicted outcomes upthread somewhere.

Snape, proceed with extreme caution, and a barrier three miles wide around your heart. Yikes.

Frankly, after that stupid fucking self absorbent me me me text I got earlier, no. I don't love him. Things shift. But I appreciate that he is like me, that we have a code, that we have some bizarre understanding, really, all I need to do is not think that he's goddam cute and I want to fuck him.

Replace hand-hold with slap, because if this ever turned into a romantic relationship (snort!) I would be his bitch. I am an avowed feminist. There would always be hurt. It cannot happen.

Time - because I don't think it's about self esteem. Her head knows she deserves better but right now her heart hurts.

3. you get apologetic fluff that you will instantly fall for - pain prolonging, because icy cold is sure to follow soon after.

Aaaaaaaaaarghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh