Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

[Yogagirl17]

Erm...hope nobody minds?

Excellent that 'Cockmoose' will be getting even wider usage!

Oh, and as for no contact, I told mine 6 months and we'd see, and I am three and a bit months in. I still regularly waste spend time thinking about ways in which we might bump into each other and start snogging madly. I am pathetic but it is getting easier and I think by the end of 6 months I will be cured and won't give a toss. hopefully. But yes, 1 month is not nearly long enough to detox when you are addicted to a person.

P.S I do the toilets thing as well...

msc. Voice of reason, straight down the line, cheers pet.

I do appreciate all advice, please don't ever feel reticent or like it might 'hurt'. Nothing hurts like this. Truly and stupidly.

you need more than a text - BUT HE CANT OFFER MORE. HE DOESNT WANT TO OFFER MORE.

this is the same situation as the big unveiling. he is NEVER going to offer more.
Why on earth would you settle for crumbs from him, and sarcifice yourself being constantly hurt. WHY would you do that to yourself.
If it was your DD, what advice would you give her? sure as hell not running back into the half open arms of someone that treated her so badly.
You are a strong woman, you need to leave it.

I think you are selling yourself short. He isn't like you, you have a heart, you have emotions, you have the capacity to love without being emotionally stunted. you think he is like you, because you have low self esteem and don't think highly enough of yourself. You and PM are in fact very different in areas that count.

Ok you want telling straight.

Right.

The love is not gone. You feel ok at the moment because you've had a few fixes of him today. This is just the beginning, of what could be a very long, messy and devastating route.

"Next time, I'll be braver, I'll be my own saviour" (Adele, turning tables)

Be your own saviour. NEVER reply. Abandon ship totally now.

yoga when a person settles for less than they deserve it is very much about self esteem.

snape, its never going to turn into a romantic relationship, sorry, its just not. If after 3 years and you declaring love, if hes not loving you now, hes just not going to.
Sorry if thats harsh. i dont want to be harsh. but stop doing it to yourself.

Dont think of him ( lord knows he doesnt think of you) and think about what you want.

Be angry with him for taking advantage, for knowing that you were 'emotionally self harming' all this time but yet still putting his fucking head in your lap, holding your hand, and all that other head fuck stuff he did. Be angry at him for doing all that and then blaming you for it!! bastard!!

it is about self esteme - snape, you ARENT like him

You dont behave like him
remember your first day at new job, did he text - NO. would you - YES!

the birthday stuff - again, was he thinking of you, NO. would you do that, NO.

and countless other times when you have excused his behaviour, having been hurt by it. You say he doesnt know hes doing it... YOU are nothing like that.
YOU think of others.
YOU wouldnt hurt someone.
YOU care for him so much you make up excuses when hes shit to you.

YOU are NOTHING like him.

adele.

Oh dear.

Right. I am quite drunk and going to watch Derren... And I do very much appreciate your input. Do please keep posting. I promise to not respond to
PM tonight.

You are my rock, my shining star. Thank you.

Snape, read last weeks thread

How many times did he put you first? How many times did he put himself first??

He isn't like you - you are kind, we can see that. He hasn't been kind about your job situ or his bday plans or the ntbk. He hasn't put you first once

You are nothing like him, you are so much more

Off to watch DB as well and ponder the self esteem question. I'm still thinking it's possible to know you fucking deserve better adn still find it hard to walk away from something...

Hello Snape.
Your notebook was/remarkable and beautiful. No way daft.
Please don't reply to that email. Ignore him for at least 2 weeks. By responding and meeting him you will infect an open wound. Let yourself heal up a bit. He has really hurt you so he can wait.....and wait...
You will be 100% fine.
Your behaviour wouldn't have been terrifying. Wtf??
This isn't about him, it's about you. He wants his cake and to eat it so shut of some of his oxygen. Let him see what he is losing.
Have a nice date bantam. Do you keep chickens?
Watch...pirate tomommow? How's the job?
Sponge...are you thinking of doing any of the messages/dates?
I'm on the sofa but I've bought a fab coat with labels from the charity shop.

yoga - its true. If you have good self esteem, you KNOW you deserve better and dont find it hard to walk away.
because you know you dont need that shit.

There is no doubting yourself, that if somone is treating you less than 100%right, that they are not for you and that you should not, not even for a second, put up with it.

I used to swear i had good self esteem, and i did, just not when it came to men.Im still learning, its getting better. Puppy taught me lots, i dumped him when i know lots of people would have stayed, he didnt really do anything much wrong... lots of people wouldnt have even battered an eyelid, but i knew it wasnt right, and acted in MY best interests. Thats good self esteem.
I was and am proud of myself.

thanks scatty - yes, its going well. 2nd week of trainign next week and sees us all staying in arather nice 4* hotel. Long hours and hard work, but worth it. Everyone is lovely, physcometric testing, plus recruitment on based solely on personality and behaviour traits means its like working with lots of me's. I feel very at home ( for the first time ever, in a job) and can see the possibilty of some good friendships forming :)

Snape, I've been reading the events of today. I won't try to give advice, as you've got such great advice from everyone else, and they say it so much better than I could.

I simply couldn't believe it when I read PM's text - how on earth he could write something so ridiculous and cruel is beyond belief.

I know you're hurting so much now, and I hate to think of that. Look after yourself. Perhaps you don't feel like it right now, but you're awesome, and you deserve someone who appreciates that.

go on then, spill about your charity shop bargin

Yoga I think someone with a healthy esteem would also have healthy boundaries and wouldn't be in such a vulnerable position. In Snapes situation the boundaries have become blurred.

She's quite nice :)

Totally agree with you Watch. I realised how healthy me self esteem has become when I ended a friendship that I had previously considered good. The higher my self esteem got the more I realised I wasn't being treated very nicely so I walked away, and feel so much better for it. Feel very proud of myself too actually because it shows how far I have come.

yep. its having the self esteem and self worth to KNOW you deserve better and to have no resevations saying so or acting in a way that demonstrates that.

All too often before i would make exuses for peoples behaviour, or over look it, or whatever. I knew it wasnt right, but didnt feel comftable enough to stand up for myself and say that. Now i do. Its taken 34 years to get to this point. And im sure im still learning.

It's taken me 48!! But I think I have now graduated.

It's very liberating isn't it?

time. I accept that.

All will be well, and all shall be well and all manner of things will be well.

watch & Time - am still pondering. I hear everything you're saying and none of it is wrong. But...are there not still those moments where your heart just blocks out all the stuff you know about yourself; when your self-esteem just temporarily gets drowned out in a wave of emotion? Yes, watch, you dumped the puppy. And i know that wasn't easy. But you weren't passionately in love with him. You weren't scared your heart was going to break without him, were you? I don't know, I'm just thinking out loud.

Bantam - details please?

Still no word from the geek

I know you do darling

And yes, all will be well, and you will be well.

You are very lovely you know, I hope you do know that.

I don't know Yoga, that doesn't happen to me. My self esteem screams out if something isn't sitting right, if it doesn't feel right, and I have one of those mouths that can't keep shut, it just has to say something I can honestly say that I take no shit whatsoever these days, none at all. If it doesn't feel right then it isn't, and I no longer settle for anything that isn't right, I walk away.