I love you all dearly, but I sent it. Not expecting a response and to be honest, after today don't want to care if I get one. I am NOT letting him call me 'emotionally self harming' - that's a funny way of seeing love, isn't it? 
. when fuck knows i have tried. I tried SO hard. i was brave and generous and so very full of hope and love.
Sending an email was my closure.
I've just posted a stunning picture of DD on my PM-free Facebook. I have wine. I am looking forwards to hideously expensive supermarket pizza (a fiver!) intending to smoke 20 Marlboro light, then giving up. Watching Derren Brown tonight and embracing the genuine love and affection of my wonderful sparky DCs and my glorious MN family... I appreciate every single one of you that has taken the time to post, especially the de lurkers and the PM's (ha!) The phone calls and the shoe-fund. You have been so supportive, insanely flattering about my daft little drawings, been quite lovely and have helped me through. Thank you.
When you want something so very much, sometimes you only listen to yourself. You think you are wise, but are clouded by hope. I don't want to diss PM (now renamed 'voldemort') but someone up thread had asked about relationship history...
He has been more or less celibate for ten years. still in love ( although he denies it passionately) with his uni-ex-girlfriend. They lived together after he turned her into a lesbian they split up. Although I think she is smashing, she is an over-bearing influence on his life. He had a 'blip' five years ago, a short term relationship and another blip after we had met, which lasted three months, which I loathed. He likes his space. So do I.
I was wildly promiscuous as a younger woman - I don't regret any of that. My dad left when I was five and not quite knowing how to relate to any men whatsoever (no male role models) I always equated sex with potential love. I wanted love so much! I married very shortly after my mother died when I was 22. Then I met the father of my DCs, who was also married (I know...) he fucked around on me, gave me herpes (waves at bantam!) and left me when DS2 (now 13!) was 9 months old. I then had a very nice period of ONSing, including a chap who can only be described as Scotland's answer to johnny depp. Had a bit of a fling with someone I really liked who then rejected me and I ricocheted into the arms of my best-male-friend. That lasted 6 years. We split up 4 weeks before I met voldemort.
To appease my growing fan base (...) I was a teenage carer for my gear aunt with Alzheimer's, so didn't get to university. My mother didn't have a mother, my granny died when she was 6 months old mum had me at 42 and didn't really show affection, so I swamp my glorious DCs with 'I love you's'. :-) I come from a rough estate in south east London. (I come from da ghetto!) I started work at the lowest grade possible in an unspecified government department at the age of 19 and was accepted onto the fast stream development scheme in 2008, which hopefully isn't as daft as it sounds, as it tries to identify future civil servants.
I am as resilient as fuck. Nothing will break me, least of all Voldemort.