Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

[Yogagirl17]

Erm...hope nobody minds?

This food thing is really weird! I can understand that it's good to cook and eat together, but it's so easy either to do a veggie meal eg veg curry instead of chicken or to do two options eg make the curry sauce and do one with veg and one with chicken. It's not a big deal . . . And what about people who eat meat but have either healthier or more junk-food-ish diets? Or who just don't like chicken, or steak, or whatever? Or people with food allergies? Or people who have a special diet for medical reasons? Or religious/cultural reasons?

I am really taken aback by this, had never thought of being veggie as an off-putting thing before . . . especially as I'm not at all a "preachy" veggie. But it's very interesting.

Bantam I would quite happily have you cook for me. Sadly, like every other single, decent (?) man you live TOO. FAR. AWAY. That's going to be my new name - Yogagirllivestoofaraway. And while we're on the subject of age, can I still call myself yogagirl if a)I"m now 41 (I've been on MN a long time!!!!) and b)I haven't done yoga for about 2 years?

he's unfriended me on facebook. I cant do this.

Oh snape, I'm so sorry.

Shit, Snape, that's hard.

I'm another lurker coming out of the woodwork.. snape, you are doing so well lovely. It is going to hurt like fuck in these early days, especially after him doing that today :( - but it will get easier. This part is all about coping and getting through it. re-read lubeys post that she reposted about the process of healing and keep telling yourself that will be you, you WILL get over this. Promise.

Snape in the long run it will be easier not to see what he's up to on FB, and to go no-contact, but by god it hurts when you're going through it. Loads of hugs to you, sweetheart.

Snape squeeze my hand!

I know that it feels awful, but referring to my big post I did yesterday, I honestly was getting nowhere fast healing wise until there was no contact at all. It's brutal, it's awful, it fucking hurts and burns and aches and all imaginable kinds of pain that there are. It's all of them all at once, it's mental torture, it's being whacked round the head and heart with a spiky anvil.... BUT I swear, I promise you, that it's for the best and will allow you to move on.

People told me this, and I just wanted to scream at them HOW CAN THIS LEVEL OF FUCKING DESPAIR AND PAIN POSSIBLY BE FOR THE FUCKING BEST YOU TWISTED FREAK so I know you are probably reading this and thinking that right now, but I promise you I wouldn't dream of saying it if I hadn't been there, lived it, felt it, analysed it to death, and survived it.

You are going to be ok

western - it's not the biggest deal breaker in the world for me, it's just that I spent several years doing the whole 'separate pans, separate utensils' thing and not being able to go- 'oh this is fantastic taste my sausage'. If you'll pardon the expression.

It's like not wanting to date someone who doesn't enjoy reading, or travel, or a decent bottle glass of wine. Maybe I'm being too picky, but it comes from experience of the little disappointments in the past. It's not like I'm saying 'must have green eyes, must have blonde hair', it's more a case of 'I like certain things and I'd like to share that with someone'.

shit snape, sorry. Not much I can add to what lubey already said. It will get easier in time, not that that's much consolation now.

Fuck. Just fuck. Go have a good cry. Scream at someone. Hug someone.

YOU. CAN. DO. THIS.

can't. really can't. really want to text him.

oh fucking fuck.

Oh snape :(

When I split from XH I unfriended him on FB. On top of that his OW blocked me and DD so even if I try to spy on him through DD's account, I still can't see what vile fucking tripe stuff OW is posting on XH's page. I don't even want him back but that doesn't stop me from every now and then feeling slightly crazy and stalkerish and trying to work out convoluted ways to spy on them. But whenever I start down this route I get so filled with anxiety/anger/just a whole shitload of negative emotions that I realise I have to just stop. Completely. Forget the fucker even has a FB page (except I have to see his ugly bearded face on DD's page sometimes). It is the only way for me to stay sane. And i know it would be a million times worse with someone I actually wanted to be with. I dread the day when Mr60 either unfriends me or starts posting loved up messages to someone new. More hugs ((()))

Yes you can. Simple 3 step plan to get through the day.

1. Go somewhere you can have a cry
2. Impose a total FB moratorium on yourself (trust me on this one, I am a total addict but it helps)
3. Eat plenty of chocolate (or cheese)

And if it makes anyone feel any better I am up to page 18 of the fucking 36 pages Council Tax Benefit application form. So I'm having a fun day. Not.

So sorry snape.

Great advice from lubey and Yoga.

you're not going to approve. sent him a text with, 'i can't do this either. Could we talk and try to see if there's a way through it?' if there's no response then i know it's definately the end and I can then try to move on.

Oh love :(

I'm saying nothing more for now - just hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.

I am so fucking weak.

We're not here to approve or disapprove. Just to offer hugs and support. Just get through it any way you can.
Never mind the Higgs Boson, we're the Huggs Bosom

You are not weak. You are in pain and trying to make it better. But please don't give him the power to make it better, that power lies with you.
I know that pain and it's physical too, as Lubey said. It's a wound that you must stop prodding so it can start to scab over, and finally heal.

Snape nooo the last thing you are is weak. Honestly!

It's natural to want to do anything possible to just make the pain go away. Don't beat yourself up on top of the battering your poor heart is already taking.

bear with me - this is my logic.

I had always reasoned that being his friend was better than nothing, but I've also always thought we would be incredible together and I fancy the arse off of him . he's always known that - and while he may not have conciously encouraged this, he certainly has sub-conciously - taking my hand, head in my lap, little forms of contact, calling me by a pet name, looking at me sometimes like he wants me? letting me put my hands inside his shirt and stroke his chest/arms I could not continue having these feelings while he dated another woman who would make him (and me!) miserable, because it takes too much energy to continue the act. I don't think that I can continue to be his friend while this happens, but I do miss him so much just now that I want to have the opportunity to talk it through and see if there is any way that I can remove these feelings, that we can both be respectful of personal space etc and that there is a middle way.

Arguably I've scared-the-shit out of him (good!) There may be commitment issues, there certainly are self-esteem issues and lesbians may be being mischievious. There are a lot of factors to take into account. On Monday his 'heart was broken', he was 'so so sorry, he had no idea,' he wanted to find a middle way. There has been no contact since and now i'm un-freinded. arguably that is a protective measure to me, possibly he's thinking of my recovery when he's done that.

At the moment I have no idea whats going on in his head.

So I am trying. The friendship is too valuable (to me) to leave things like this. The great love affair isn't may not be reciprocated - I need to learn to finally accept that. If he does not respond to the text and at least try, then he isnt the man I thought he was, he doesn?t think as much of me as I do/did of him and that will be an end to it. At the moment I still have this faint glimmer of hope that it might work out one way or another and I need that extinguished before I can start to move on.

I do need your strength and I need my hand held and if he doesn't man-up and text me back and talk to me, then I need you all to launch a huge character assasination about what a FUCKING arsehole he is and how magnificently awesome I am, because I am trying.