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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Hat wars and soup-er dates, let the sausage see the roll... The Online Dating Thread reaches 25!

999 replies

Yogagirl17 · 23/10/2012 16:17

Erm...hope nobody minds?

OP posts:
snapespeare · 25/10/2012 18:20

Sorry I'm so self indulgent. Happy for those of you happy, irritated for those of you irritated and sad for those who it ain't flyin' for. I don't have much energy at the moment, or would comment individually.

And as always, thank you.

bantamrooster · 25/10/2012 18:35

Snape don't worry about self indulgence (apart from maybe stopping before the 6th packet of crisps) - but do you think there would be any artistic way to include 'Let the sausage see the roll' in the published version of the Notebook?

Heleninahandcart · 25/10/2012 18:41

Snape, I'm sorry this has happened to you. Fuck MN protocol, sending ((hugs))))

Yogagirl17 · 25/10/2012 18:43

Snape - go ahead and be self indulgent you have earned it. You also expended a huge amount of emotional energy in the last few months on the notebook so until u recharge use what little u have left on your crisps and your DCs. We will be ok for a while. Smile As for PM, of cousehe is an idiot. He may even know he is an idiot. But he is still an emotionally unavailable idiot who can't give u what u need and deserve. The status quo was so bad because it could have gone on forever. This hell, however, will pas. xx

OP posts:
Yogagirl17 · 25/10/2012 18:45

Sorry - typos. stupid phone.

OP posts:
snapespeare · 25/10/2012 18:49

Why don't we just call the published notebook 'let the sausage see the roll'?! I think that encompasses the love, workmanship, tender contemplation and effort involved. Wink

Pixiebelle123 · 25/10/2012 19:03

Ah Snape, self indulgence is allowed at the moment, as are copious amounts of chocolate and wine!

I've enjoyed reading the profile tips, mine is dreadful but I don't know what to write, it's bloody difficult writing about yourself.

Bantam are you on Match? Would you read my profile and give me an honest male opinion?

bantamrooster · 25/10/2012 19:06

PM me your profile name Pixie and I'll take a look.

lubeybooby · 25/10/2012 19:08

Awww snape :(

You sound somewhat like me after the big bad break up in May last year.

Here's a snippet from one of my threads at the time. This was a few days after:

"I just don't understand it and I feel so desperate. It's only just sinking in that I have to have days, weeks, months, my life....without him. How am I supposed to cope? I love him so much. I don't want to face any of it at all. How does anyone get through times like this? and I'm usually the first to tell anyone they can do it, be strong etc. But my god I just don't want a life without him in it"

I also posted asking how the hell do i stop just basically waiting for him to come back, and so much other stuff along those lines.

Well I've since gone on to have one of the very best years of my life.

It took probably four months, being teetotal all that time (didn't trust myself not to get drunk and call him) a lot of nytol (used for sleeping, not all in one go, don't want to worry anyone!) a lot of audio books (listened to when in bed, to switch my brain off from thinking about him and all the injustice and the pain and all that) two calls to the samaritans when I just felt so alone, unloved, and in so much pain, an awful lot of 'keeping on keeping on' trying to go out and enjoy myself, a lot of being very kind to myself (not expecting too much, remembering it's a grieving process, allowing myself time to just sit on the sofa and eat crap and wail now and again) to get to a point where I started to feel ok.

Over time, the great crushing waves of pain became fewer and fewer, and I stopped waking up and having the awful realisation of everything over and over again.

It then took total cut off of contact, no emails, texts, coffee in person or facebook, to begin healing properly. That's when the best year of my life started.

I never would have believed, in the early days, that I would feel ok again, that I would love anyone else, that I would enjoy a meal and a laugh with anyone else or have any kind of meeting of minds with anyone again. I never would have believed that I could find the same (or better!) mind blowing connection and amazing sex. I never would have believed that I would look back on it all and feel virtually nothing, shrug my shoulders and say 'oh well' and furthermore actually be thankful we didn't continue, because it allowed this amazing year. If anyone had told me that, I'd have given an incredulous laugh and thought 'yeah right, not gonna happen'

But all that HAS happened

And I hope it does for you too. And in fact, I'm sure it will. Maybe not in the same way, but you will find your peace and stop hurting, and have fun again and love again.

MadameOvary · 25/10/2012 19:09

Snape I would happily devote the whole thread to self-indulgence if it made you feel better. As it is, feel free to vent/rant/moan and generally do whatever it takes.
Another (((hug)))

Pixiebelle123 · 25/10/2012 19:17

Thanks Bantam, I've pm'd you Smile

snapespeare · 25/10/2012 19:43

lubey. Thank you. Truly. I didn't want to post another thread 'how to get over a man I never got under' because I like you lot, you're soothing & I don't want anyone to shout at me, 'you were NEVER his gf, you total fantasist LOON' so that is really helpful. :)

XFM is taking him out for a beer next week & will report back. He is obviously not expected to take sides, as he is mates with us both, but will basically tell him I'm fucking amazing, he's an idiot & how on earth could he let me go? I expect nothing to come from that at all, but I'm certainly not going to contact him to tell him I'm amazing & he's an idiot etc, and frankly he needs 'telt'. Won't change his mind. Will make me feel a tiny bit better.

bantamrooster · 25/10/2012 19:52

okay, advice now given to Pixie on her profile (if she wasn't a vegetarian I'd try my luck myself as she's not miles away from me :) but I'm sure you lot might be able to help out as you did a great job on Sponge.

snape I had the same issue myself with a girl a few years back, she wasn't into me, I was into her, we held hands walking down the street, did everything together, and I guided her through various breakups with morons she was seeing. It's tough but I got through it in the end.

Especially when she confided in me that she thought she'd given the last bloke genital warts. That really helped me get over her.

snapespeare · 25/10/2012 19:59

For those new-to-the-thread and unfamiliar with my general health, it's probably not a great idea to make any throw-away comments about STDs. (I know you didn't know, but I'm FRAGILE GODDAMMIT!!!!!)

lubeybooby · 25/10/2012 20:04

Snape, I would never say that or think that, I'm sure no one else would either... you had a close and involved relationship with him and you are grieving. No loon or fantasist about it at all.

lubeybooby · 25/10/2012 20:05
bantamrooster · 25/10/2012 20:09

sorry snape Consider me very careful with the foot in mouth comments from now on...

snapespeare · 25/10/2012 20:12

:) thank you.

Yogagirl17 · 25/10/2012 20:26

Well, seems the geek is keen, he wants to know if I'm free next weekend... Hmm

OP posts:
OhWesternWind · 25/10/2012 20:49

Bantam out of interest, why on earth wouldn't you date a veggie???

MadameOvary · 25/10/2012 20:58

Right Snape shall I call you?

Yogagirl17 · 25/10/2012 21:01

Ooh, maybe we could have a Dating Thread fix up? Bantam and Pixie sitting in a tree

OP posts:
snapespeare · 25/10/2012 21:23

If it's good news madameo. Gimme a minute, I'm upstairs having a cigarette...

Popped to 'our' local shop which necessitates driving by his house. Did not park outside and gaze wistfully up at his window, but did glance to see if he's in. He's in. (Sigh)

snapespeare · 25/10/2012 21:24

And have enjoyed sarcastically blasting out 'man I feel like a woman' on DDs acoustic guitar. Piece of piss. Wink

Pixiebelle123 · 25/10/2012 21:38

Snape, sending you lots of hugs ((((())))))

Haha yoga, but Bantam did offer some useful tips, thank you.

I have a date on Sat afternoon with a guy I'm really excited about. Fear I am investing way too much emotionally before I've even met him, I'm not sure he's even all that keen on me. Why do I do this to myself?! And why do some men take forever to reply to text messages? Grrrr at the dating game.

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