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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

How do you tell a good decent man

136 replies

MrsDoolittle · 27/03/2006 22:41

you don't love him anymore?

We have two children, a toddler and one a matter of weeks. I am struggling with an unsettled second child but worse, I can't stand dh anymore.
I don't even undertsand why. He is so good to me. He does everything I ask of him and he really tries so hard to make me happy but I just can't see things the way he does.
I'm sad alot of the time, especially since this awful realisation has hit me. This has now begun to poison the relationship that we do have and I am guilty of being rude and ungrateful. I am angry and snappy.
He is such a good father and husband but I don't don't feel it when I'm with him anymore.

I am really at a loss as to how to deal with this. I don't even know where to start. Months ago I suggested Relate but he dismissed this saying there is nothing wrong.

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2006 23:22

MrsD,

anti d's didn't make me flakey - they were a life line. I'm not on them now (stopped ages ago, but funnily enough think I might need them again). Honestly, try them (lol, sound like a drug pusher!)

colditz · 27/03/2006 23:24

I think depression changes people, not antidepressants. You don't have to tell anyone you take them, you know, but PND is an illness, like any other, and people should accept that. If they don't it's their problem, not yours. Anyway, you don't have to tell anyone if you don't want to.

ShaysMummy · 27/03/2006 23:25

handlemecarefully, u r the only person ive ever met that has ever agreed with me. and i know there are others who ghave felt it, they must have.
thanks so much.
it means a lot even now, and im better- thanks god- i still feel guilty for my thoughts.
:)

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/03/2006 23:26

People with depression arent flakey. They are ill. To (over) simplify it - its a hormonal imbalance which brings about a reduction in serotonin in the brain.

AD's dont generally alter a personality - depression does. I would imagine that its not so much AD's that have changed your friend, but the depression itself.

AD's arent anything to be frightened of (although i do understand - i was worried about them before taking them and DP thought they were addictive - which they arent). The type i am on - SSRI's - increase the production of serotonin again. Once the levels are suitably raised again - your gp will then slowly wean you off them and you brain should start producing the seratonin on its own again.

HTH.

ShaysMummy · 27/03/2006 23:26

i didnt want to take em either. but i did. i was happy to try anything i got so low.

Original poster

MrsDoolittle · 27/03/2006 23:28

I can't believe this. This is sooo not me.
I'm crying into the keyboard.
I won't sleep now, I'll be a wreck in the morning and I'll waste yet another day of my precious maternity leave.

What's more - my gp doesn't believe in baby colic or thrush, he's not gonna believe I've got PND.

Most health professionals around me are colleagues!!! I really don't know how I'm going to deal with this

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2006 23:28

shaysmummy - it's just a huge taboo that nobody wants to admit to. Trust me, loads of mums have felt this way; I'm blessed that I have a really good friend who has experienced the same sort of feelings and is happy to talk about them. Really happy that you feel a bit less alone in this

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2006 23:29

MrsD - so worried about you. Can't you see another GP at your practice? Yours sounds like an arse!

colditz · 27/03/2006 23:31

Tell your health visiter then, or contact the midwife team and explain why you don't feel able to go to your gp. Or ask to see a female gp, you have that right and it will ensure you see a different one.

If, during the wait to see one, you feel suicidel or murderous, go to a and e and refuse to leave until you are seen.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/03/2006 23:31

What about your HV Mrs D?

This really does sound like PND. It doesnt mean you are flakey, or useless, or a bad mother. It means you are unwell.

Whereabouts are you roughly?

ShaysMummy · 27/03/2006 23:31

would agree, you need to ask to see a different gp.
if he doesnt believe - he is a man yes? i bet its a man- he shouldnt be practising.
pnd is an illness.

harpsichordcarrier · 27/03/2006 23:32

I agree with hmc, your gp sounds like an arse of the highest order
can you ask to see another gp in the practice?

colditz · 27/03/2006 23:32

BTW, not believing in PND is like not believing in broken bones - absurd in the face of the evidence.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2006 23:33

i didn't want to take them, either. now i'm pissed off i wasted so much time when i could have been enjoying my little family.

i'm on lustral and i feel like i have my health, my sanity, my SELF back. most of all, when my baby cries, i feel like her parent - the one who can get her settled eventually - not panic stricken and terrified.

NO ONE i know would describe me as flakey.

i second what everyone else has said, it's the depression that causes the personality changes.

i got my life back and have been able to enjoy this maternity leave like the precious gift it is.

don't let this ROB you of your family!

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2006 23:33

Come and stay with me for a few days MrsD

Original poster

MrsDoolittle · 27/03/2006 23:33

shaysmummy - i wouldn't worry about it either. I have happily admitted that there have been nights when I could have thrown this (now sleeping in my arms) beautiful, helpless baby out of the window.
I'd do the same with dh more readily though, but he's heavier

OP posts:

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2006 23:34

lol, good to see that your SOH is intact despite your current unhappiness!

expatinscotland · 27/03/2006 23:35

get an after hours appointment if your HV is of no help. or go to A&E.

b/c this is a true illness w/a biological basis. this is a hormonal disorder that is physical in nature.

and help is THERE!

we're going to keep asking about you until you've been seen and treated!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 27/03/2006 23:35

Im on sertraline (Lustral) too. Had a rough week last week, but have had nothing but improvement since i started taking them, and since i admitted to DP that i had a problem.

expatinscotland · 27/03/2006 23:36

also, if you can, i recommend reading 'down came the rain' by brooke shields. she discusses her PND openly, and how much worse she felt b/c she'd had to go through IVF to have a baby - whom she wanted to throw against a wall before killing herself.

honey, you are NOT alone!

expatinscotland · 27/03/2006 23:37

i have rough days, too, VVV, as you know. but it's been up up up as time goes by.

remember, we're here for you, mrs.

handlemecarefully · 27/03/2006 23:37

MrsD - be warned, we'll be bugging you till you're sorted now!

Original poster

MrsDoolittle · 27/03/2006 23:37

My hv said I'd made her nervous. I've already over-ridden the advice of that gp and another because they said ds hadn't got thrush. I know he had. I come across soo strong

OP posts:

ShaysMummy · 27/03/2006 23:38

tell you what, when i was 8 months pregnant in the hight of summer, if my gp and told me he didnt believe in thrush, i would have stabbed him in the head with his stupid, posh , aluminium pen right there and then.
i was raw from scratching.
i would have done anything to get my hands on that canesten duo pack he prescribed.
oh the joys of pregnany.
maybe your doc needs some hot chilli sauce rubbed on his co?k, then tell you if he 'believes' in thrush?!!

ShaysMummy · 27/03/2006 23:40

sorry, had to vent that. didnt know u meant your ds.

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