Would I be mad to let him stay with me?

[tiredofwaitingforitalltochange]

Dh and I are separating, we decided in February. Selling the family home. Lost our buyers in May, have new buyers, due to complete at the end of November.

I have a house and got the keys in mid-August, bought with a loan from members of dh's family (to help all of us). I'm moving in on Saturday.

Dh has dragged his heels finding somewhere and has made two offers, one has been accepted, the other is pending.

Neither of these properties is likely to be available to move into any time soon.

Dh 'can't face renting/putting stuff into storage' etc. He's proposing living in our second home, miles away, temporarily. He'll only see the kids at the weekends and he worships them.

I feel awful that he might end up effectively homeless. He may have orchestrated this, he didn't want to separate - I did. I don't hate him. I feel huge moral pressure to say he can stay in my new house, but I can hardly bear the idea. It's dragged on for months already, and I am desperate to move on and I worry about...

confusing the kids
him getting his feet under the table and finding reasons to postpone moving out.

What would you do?

"piece of trash"

that's nice

"break up a marriage on a whim"
Have you met and had in depth discussions with the OP to come to that conclusion or just read a few lines in a forum like everyone else?
People don't break up marriages on a whim. They break up because they are unhappy and decide they would be happier living alone.
If my husband ever decides he would be happier living apart from me I'd rather he left. Life's too short to be a martyr and adults shouldn't patronise each other.

< ears ringing from clanging bells of a massive agenda >

I have never actually met someone who broke up a marriage on a whim. It usually follows years of heartbreak and self doubt. Lots of people stick it out for an unhappy lifetime

He has CHOSEN to keep the dream cottage and therefore to buy a small modern house. This is HIS CHOICE, DO NOT feel sorry for him!!

Sorry for the shouting but you need to see that he is manipulating you. Cut all ties except for those necessary with regard to the children.

Do not let the fact that you feel guilty cause you to make decisions you will come to regret, please.

I think you are all being really harsh assuming OPs husband is manipulating .

It's perfectly possible to split up and just be a bit tardy and pathetic about sorting out the practicalities, because you feel sad about stuff. Maybe faintly hopeful the split won't go ahead. That's human.

how do you explain the poison he is dripping into his 10 yo dd's ear then, feckbox ?

Your new home will not feel like YOUR home if you do this. He will have 'marked' it, and you will be unable to set boundaries in future about him coming in, what he can and can't do in YOUR home.

My advice is DON'T do this.

I did. It's awful. See sense long before I did!

I think you should not infer too much. Everyone is hurting.

He's been accused of being a manipulator and HUGELY abusive on here, with scant evidence.

It's a massive extrapolation from "don't let him move in " ( which I happen to agree with )

I don't think that it is at all helpful to the OP to make such negative extrapolations about her husband

I don't think he is HUGELY abusive

I think he is manipulative and sly, and a button-pusher

which kind of translates into the same thing, tbh, if it prevents OP from moving on (which it seems to be doing)

Have you met him?

of course not, have you ? yet you have an opinion.

has anybody that is being asked for an opinion on the internet met anyone ?

if we all had to have met everyone in a relationship that we were asked to comment on, the MN Relationships Board would cease to exist

there is also quite a back weight of posts by OP, that detail how unhappy she has been and how difficult he has made the situation

Yes, I have read those and formed an entirely different opinion

wants to leave a guy who it seems hasn't actually done a great deal wrong, and - most importantly - break up a family on a whim at the same time, well, he's probably better off without her. A woman who casually disrupts the kids lives while breaking marriage vows doesn't deserve to be with a good husband.

Can't believe someone said this about me, when they don't know anything about me or my husband, or my kids. It's disgusting. How the fuck do you know if I've been 'treated well', let alone 'obviously'? What makes you so sure he's 'a good husband'?

How dare you accuse me of 'casually disrupting' my kids' lives? This has been, and is, agony. My marriage is not your business to analyse and judge cronullansw.

You don't know me, my husband or any of my family.

tired if you do an advance search on cronulla you will see he has a massive clanging agenda and has been found to leave snidey, sniping and cruel posts all over MN particularly where women are standing up for themselves

think of that what you will, as are MNHQ

fair enough, feckbox

that opinion you have ?

it's yours to keep, just like all the others on here

Yup, just like yours AF

that's what I said

don't see too much disagreement about the "whim" commenter

Ah, Ok, HHMF.

Thanks.

I wonder why his wife left him? Can't imagine...

From my life experience so far when the male wants to split females just have to get over it and the men show no mercy - when it is the female ending the relationship the men cry like babies and do all of the above.
OP you are being very nice having these wonderful thoughts about him but you have to be cruel to be kind - the sooner he moves on the sooner you will all be happy. I hope you can keep it all amicable but maybe when he realises that it really is over then he may not be so nice which will help you not be so nice. Good luck with everything.

I don't understand your post at 23:45, feckbox

someone said OP broke up her family "on a whim" . I nearly spilled my wine.

I hate naming names in a what the feck are you on about fashion.
But that would have been cronullansw who made that turgid remark

you mean you didn't see too much agreement with cronulla ?

do I need to go to bed and go to sleep ?