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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DP out all night

41 replies

Reallybloodysad · 12/10/2012 06:18

He had a work do.
He is still not home and phone is off. I rang it again just now and it did ring but no answer.

We have a six month old DD.

It's not good is it? What do I do when he eventually rolls home?

OP posts:
Original poster
Reallybloodysad · 12/10/2012 06:38

Anyone?

OP posts:
whyme2 · 12/10/2012 06:41

I think when he eventually comes home you ignore him until he is sober and recovered enough to have a grown up conversation. If he has anything about him he will know that you are not pleased with the situation..

SushiPaws · 12/10/2012 06:47

He's probably asleep on someone's couch. He should've at least texted you, I'd be furious.

BlameItOnTheBogey · 12/10/2012 06:52

Has he done this before? I'd go out as soon as he gets in and not come back until you know he is sober. Does he have to be at work today?

AViewfromtheFridge · 12/10/2012 06:54

The fact that his phone rang means it's more likely that he just fell asleep, rather than deliberately deciding to stay out and turning his phone off. (Not that that makes it ok!)

Agree with others - ignore him until he has slept/ sobered up. Trying to have a serious conversation will be pointless, frustrating and upsetting.

Was he out locally? Has he done it before?

Original poster
Reallybloodysad · 12/10/2012 06:59

Thanks

He just came in. Still pissed. I asked where the hell were you? He told me to fuck off. said he fell asleep on the train.

Once before he passed out at a mate's house, but we didn't have a baby then.

He does stuff that's out of order but won't admit he's wrong and tries to turn it on me.

I won't let him into the bedroom.

He has work at 9. There's no way he can drive so have hidden his keys. As he spent all night on a train he can spend some more time this morning.

OP posts:
scandy · 12/10/2012 07:00

Depends on his track record and whether you trust him. If it was mine I know he would have had way too much to drink. I'd be worried about him, but I wouldn't suspect another woman, it's not his style. So depends on what he is like.

Labootin · 12/10/2012 07:01

All night on a train ?
Unless it's the Glasgow sleeper I don't think so !

kill him

BlameItOnTheBogey · 12/10/2012 07:01

Surely if that were true he would have called you as soon as he woke up and realized where he was (or at the very least have answered your call)? This just doesn't ring true. How are you feeling?

scandy · 12/10/2012 07:02

Oops x-post. Sorry to hear he is being nasty. It's just the drink talking. Hope you can get done sleep!

DustyOwl · 12/10/2012 07:03

I have been there before and hate that panicky/angry/worried feeling. Has he done this before? When my DH did it he had passed out on his friends sofa. When he turned up I was so pissed off he put me through the worry (and relieved he was ok)

He thought he was being thoughtful in not waking me up, I waited for him to sober up then I made him look after DS and went to bed to sleep.

DustyOwl · 12/10/2012 07:07

Sorry Xposts OP, that's a horrible situation. Does he do this alot? Hope you can get some rest today.

Offred · 12/10/2012 07:07

If it was a work do he's going to be in shit with work today. I don't agree it is the drink talking as my dh would never tell me to fuck off no matter how drunk he was. It is possible that he passed out on the train and ended up somewhere far away and had to make his way home but very irresponsible of him when you have a little baby - he could have died.

Original poster
Reallybloodysad · 12/10/2012 07:09

He said he passed out at the station and then on the train.
I don't think he was with anyone else, he cannot handle booze and doesn't have a stop button when there's a free bar. I still don't believe him though.

I just think when you have a baby this crap is unforgivable.
I couldn't even face staying out past bloody midnight and yet this twat has no such qualms.

OP posts:
Offred · 12/10/2012 07:09

And tbh I'd be less bothered by the stupid mistake than the bad attitude after. Everyone makes mistakes but you have to be able to admit to them and say sorry and try not to do it again.

Original poster
Reallybloodysad · 12/10/2012 07:09

He doesn't do it a lot- but once is too many!

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Original poster
Reallybloodysad · 12/10/2012 07:12

Yes Offred, I agree. He's good at swearing at me. Especially when I'm breastfeeding. Lovely.

It's like he is unable to handle consequences, you know, like a grown up.

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Offred · 12/10/2012 07:14

Sounds like the problem is he doesn't actually show you (or have) any respect at all.

Offred · 12/10/2012 07:14

What do you want to do? Sad

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/10/2012 07:16

"he cannot handle booze and doesn't have a stop button when there's a free bar".

That comment also puts a different slant on things. What do you get out of this relationship now?. He may likely continue to put drink before you and your child.

Re this comment too:-

"He does stuff that's out of order but won't admit he's wrong and tries to turn it on me".

Someone who also turns things around to make it all out to be your fault is also bad news. Such people as well never apologise nor take responsibility for their actions.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 12/10/2012 07:18

Honestly, you'd be both better off without this immature manchild around. He swears at you whilst you are bf?!.

Longdistance · 12/10/2012 07:18

My dh used to fall asleep on the train. He'd go out in London and end up in Brighton Shock, but he never rolled in at near 7am.
He's just being plain nasty telling you to fuck off.
Good on you for hiding his keys.
How old is he? Does he always speak to you like that?

Chandon · 12/10/2012 07:23

I think saying "fuck off" to you partner is not on, tbh

AViewfromtheFridge · 12/10/2012 07:29

My ex used to do this. He would be horrible when he was that drunk, especially when he knew he was in the wrong, which made him defensive and therefore aggressive about it.

It sounds like this has triggered a bit of a realisation for you though. Have you been having doubts generally? Do you see you and your DC having a long-term future with him? How long have you been together? (Sorry for firing questions at you!)

Original poster
Reallybloodysad · 12/10/2012 07:29

My mum is overseas. I'm tempted to fly to hers on Monday with DD.
I just need to not be around him. He's a twat. His mother done everything for him and cushioned him emotionally and financially.

This is the result.

I no longer fancy him. We barely even talk anyway.
If it wasn't for our child I'd have walked ages ago TBH.

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