He's obsessed with sex...

[Littleblue]

We have been dating six months , and they have largely been the happiest ever for me , except for his obsession with sex.... he takes it as rejection if I turn him down , and mostly manages to get over it.... but I turned him down last night , I was tired and stressed and not in the mood , (and his expectation is a huge turn off anyway)We were snuggled up , and he kept groping me which I was fending off but gently , to me it should be clear by then?! so he turns my face to his and insists on proper tongue snogging , which I had been evading... I HATE snogging if i'm not in the mood for sex.. I'm not frigid , when were both in the right mood the sex is incredible....he seems to think that because thats the case , we should ALWAYS be at it... so pissed off ,he turned his back on me last night, he's clearly sulking today...

sex all the time, not full stop

but think, you will only go up from now. yes you will slip down, and feel like you won't get up again, but you will. each step from here will never be exactly repeated in your recovery of this break up.

Each hour into a day.

Let him back in, and you will have to start over when it comes to a head again.

Its all headfuckery honey... seriously :( I cant always work out the obvious , or I wouldnt still be with this manipulator.... Yes , he will be very hurt , and last time he agreed with me entirely and apologised for the fact I had "fallen for a mental" etc.... but here we are again...and its only 6 months in...

You can go to counselling alone btw.... I did. ;)

Also sorry to hijack, but some of this is so familiar. He also did the thing where everything is fine as long as it's going the way he wants it to so i'd end up going along with things just to keep things on an even level. The stockholm thing makes a lot of sense, because feeling real love and affection for him was / is because of absence of bad or scary moods, it's relief more than anything. And that can go on for a while so i think it must be me with the problem as he's fine. I can't get past being raped though, and i think it's because he's never acknowledged it, and convinced me it was either my fault or i imagined it. That doesn't match up with his charming and gentle side that everyone else sees all the time. My family and most of our friends think i'm being really mad atm because i can't communicate the reality of this relationship to people.

Ohh , oh lord honey... hes raped you? ok , now listen , www.womensaid.org ,you are not mad .... and you need some professional support... I called my exe Jekyll and Hyde cos he could be full on abusing me.. smile and chat calmly if someone came to the door.... then switch straight back to overt abuse again... and it will not get better... inbox me if you want to talk privately , might be slow to respond as just had flaming screaming row with dp...so a bit wobbly again...

ps... this is not your fault.. biggest hug

Thanks littleblue. It's ok, I am getting some support now, going to counselling, although talking about anything but this iykwim! I think I know what I'm doing, but then when he's here and putting pressure on, i get totally confused again. I've got him to move but with the understanding that it's a break rather than permanent - and he's pushing to come home. My children want him to come home too and he's fine atm, as in being totally reasonable all the time. But i know things won't change so have to stay strong. I started a thread in the summer which helped me to come to terms with the fact that yes it was rape but changed name since as he was looking at computer.

I'm sorry you've had a row with your dp, it sounds inevitable that it's going to be difficult now you realise that this is totally unacceptable and that you want something different, stay strong x

littleblue (not to take the focus off Apty, who does indeed deserve a hug) - you're still calling him 'DP' - now, when is he going to be EX-P, considering that he's not actually very nice, and indeed is sexually perstering, borderling assaulting you?

It doesn't matter what he thinks.

Imagine saying that to him. "It doesn't matter what you think. Here are your clothes in a bin bag. Goodbye."

And there is, still, an awful lot of propaganda to the effect that an abusive man is 'romantic', that he 'loves' you and that's why he's slapping you for looking at other men and shoving his dick up your arse while you're asleep.

The majority of men are the same - it's their testosterone. The best type just sulk, the worst become aggressive, if their "needs" are rejected. But he has no idea, as you might respond if he is gentle and loving and carresses you tenderly, but NOT grabbing and groping, and if you fall asleep in his arms, it is a wonderful man who can switch off his surge of testesterone, and replace it with a loving gentle feeling. Not being a man I don't know if that is even possible. I do not know how this problem can be overcome, but some couples get through it. In your case I agree with Mrs Fuzzy.

That's not men you are describing there digerd!

I refer to him as DP , cos whilst discussing DV re EX - P , I find adding a more recent EX - P into the conversation hard to maintain... I have sent him a blistering email re boundaries , sexual harrassment and entitlement... along with the suggestion that he seeks help...

Christ im tired... right down to the DNA

well done, littleblue well done.

Go to bed! I went to bed at 9pm last night, it was BLOODY BRILLIANT! Thinking about doing it again tonight. Don't care if other people have a life, I have a body-pillow! :)

But will that email work? Will he just accept it and know that it's over if that's how you feel? I know if I sent that to my dh, he would laugh at me and not take it seriously at all. I know because I've tried it before. He believes he's always right.

If I try that now, he will say that he gropes me as a loving gesture. That he wants sex with me very very often to feel close to me and the snogging very very often is because he thinks I'm irresistable and because he loves me. I've heard it all before.

Littleblue I am very curious to know how he responds. Maybe your DP is emotionally more mature if he's ready to accept what you say?

I know your tiredness, I'm right there with you. I know the exhaustion of trying. I read on another thread about knowing when you're ready to call it quits - it's when you don't want to try any more. I'm just too tired to try any more.

GOod idea to tell him off by email. But you did also include the information that he's dumped, didn't you?

signing off for a bit , feel like im cracking up

Littleblue, I hope you feel better soon. I hope you have some RL support. x

just sending you my support, littleblue x

Dp was my rl support tbh... but thats proved false as its conditional , clearly.. teary , but also feel my fuck you button resetting itself... thanks folks , oh and the dad the pm'd me ? Don't bother.... thanks , not interested in hearing that I have got it wrong from another oversexed sexpest of a man...we are not fucktoys sunshine , we are human beings.

What did he say littleblue?

Saddadgladdad? He pm'd me too with an obnoxious post telling me I wanted to have sex with people who didn't want it with me because everyone did and that I didn't mean what I said. Why not post on the thread saddad? You make yourself look like a predator...

Yep , that was him... lol , just another bloody stalky type..apparently its normal to harass your partner for sex 24/7 and the problem is mine... twat

He doesnt post on the thread cos he will get torn to shreds....