My husband has been having an affair and is leaving me

[DaydreamDolly]

I can't believe I'm writing this. 2 DD's youngest 6 months. Been going on 2 yrs on and off. He loves her. I'm devastated. What am I going to do? He told me at 10pm so I haven't told anyone in RL yet.

frankly, from the 'flirty text' vom-fest earlier, I think he could do with a dose of reality about his behaviour, how it has affected his family, and what you think of it. I know I wouldn't be able to restrain myself :)

Fairylea. what an arse he was eh! Talking on the lap top!

Skyblue. I know what you mean, I was on your threads. Some people can get a bit bossy when you don't do what they want or what they would do. I think in your case some people were concerned that you were banging your head on a brick wall as he wasn't listening was he (couldn't help but think that he lacked the intelligence and ability to self reflect).

For me i think i would say it the once and then try not to again, easier said than done though.

I was banging my head against a brick wall but I was in shock and desperate. I will never ever run after a man like that ever again.

A man who can walk out with no prior warning and leave a young child is no man at all..., and certainly not a man that I want to spend my life with. But I was in such a state of shock all I wanted to do was to have him come home again. :(

Now I try and advise people based on my experience but also they do need to follow their hearts too ..

I think the temptation, after a fashion, to just get your life back and end the nightmare, must be a strong one. I've felt it. But I'm pushing it away. I miss him but the man I miss isn't the man I know now. He's like a stranger to me. I feel like a completely different person too. I don't recognise myself. I have a solicitors apt tomorrow morning. Need to get the ball rolling. He's still purporting I'm the love of his life but in the next breath talking about not introducing the girls to the OW until I'm ready and he's aware that will be many months. So he clearly sees a future with her, he's just trying to keep his options open.
I had to take the kitten back today DD1 was terrified of him cos he playfully jumped at her and caught her with his claw and it freaked her out. She was making me carry her from room to room and screaming when he came near her. So much for a distraction! Wrong kind of distraction, it was driving me to distraction! Ah well, another one bites the dust!

Skye - the trauma and shock of what you went through is like being hit by a truck; I know how you felt, and no one can really understand until they experience it themselves. My god, I wouldn't wish the weeks after twunt left on my worse enemy...god knows how I got through them. But I did, and you did, and I think its absolutely amazing the way we help each other on here, I really do. I know that once he'd gone, I didn't want him back again, but I did wake up every morning and hope it had all been a nightmare, because the new reality was too much to bear. It was like being dropped into a new life, with no warning, no script, and no idea. Bloody awful. OP - just functioning, and coping day to day right now is great - just keep taking it a day at a time, because we know how you feel, we really do.

He doesn't love her--he loves himself.
The only thing that he is getting out of this is the adrenaline rush and the thought of 2 females fighting over him.

Getting a solicitor involved-and him realising that you are serious is really going to burst him bubble. Just now he thinks he has a way back with you, keeping you dangling with "love of my life crap". If that's how he treats the love of his life God help the OW.

Sorry about the kitten--what about a goldfish for DD1???

Saffysmum - yes you got it. I hope I never ever feel that desperate again. Even now I have moments of just wishing life would all go back to normal but this is normal now, me and DD. and like Dolly says and I've said myself to many others now, you dont miss them you miss what they used to be....

dolly I'm so glad you are strong enough to see through him. What sort of twunt texts that you are the love of his life while being with someone else. He is fast catching Lou's Chunt for twat of the year award.....

A man who can walk out with no prior warning and leave a young child is no man at all..., and certainly not a man that I want to spend my life with. But I was in such a state of shock all I wanted to do was to have him come home again.

Yes, exactly. Even though I know that exP is a total scumbag, part of me does still want him to stop arsing about and come home. I still want my old life back. That feeling is fading though and I'm sure it'll go with time.

Dolly, a bit of a rant and a rave is no bad thing. It's not healthy to keep it completely bottled up. I'm glad I got the chance to rant a bit at exP on the day he left. However, I've come to accept that he's never going to understand the impact on what he's done on me and DS. Anyone that could understand that wouldn't do what he did.

Living well will be the best revenge!

Doldare the same thought has crossed my mind, not to do it now, but a few months down the line (I know they'll keep coming) I'll wait til she's given up her house and moved into a flat with him as is the plan. Then when she's high and fucking dry I'll hit her with it. It would give me immense satisfaction.

Totally understand how it would give you satisfaction Dolly, of course I do. Just remember to focus most of your anger on him, not her though. He's the one who promised you everything, she promised you nothing at all. Personally, I wouldn't flirt with him, I wouldn't even acknowledge his existence if I was you - just have the bare minimum contact you have to have re kids. Treating him like an irritating business colleague, you have to be polite but distant with will affect him more than anything. Take it from one who knows! He's not worthy! xx

You're right fifty. I am just enjoying thinking about what I would do! I do hate her though. I wouldn't have done what she has. Most of my anger is reserved for him but she gets a fair hit too. She knew his situation yet still badgered him to leave me and his kids. Nice lady.

I think now that you've let him know exactly how you feel, don't get drawn into any more conversations with him unless it's about contact with the children.

For someone like him, any attention is better than no attention at all.

How about this this priceless observation from my friend's ex, who had walked out on her and the children when the OW's ex (family friends no less) found out about their affair:

(During an early mediation session, trying to sort out finance and contact) -
"I don't understand this...we never used to argue".

Honestly - you really couldn't make it up.

WRT to showing other woman texts just be aware she may be so far behind her rose tinted specs that it won't matter at all to her.

OW contacted me and I told her he had been contacting me and flirting she asked for proof (cheek of it) which I sent and got one sentence back.

"Easily faked bitch"

She's a nice, nice lady.

Im sorry you are going through this op. You are strong though and an encouragement to others going through the same. As for those texts I would be so tempted to confront her with them then walk away saying she is welcome to him.

Hi Dolly I feel imense simpathy for you, you are doing very well, I wish I had MN and the maturity you have when similar things happened to me.
I have just finish reading your whole thread on a go
May I just ask if you don't mind. how you know OW and how is she friends with your mum on FB? I ask this because my XH's OW was someone who pretended to be my friend and got from me all the tips she needed to know to seduce him - not that he was an innocent boy, he would cheat on me anyway as he did before marriage - but I gave this woman most of the tools and I know how it hurts more when t is someone you know rather than a stranger...
But put it that way, they tottaly deserve each other and she did you a massive favour taking him out of your life, you actually should be grateful, I know it is ifficult to see it now. And also you don't love him, you love the man you wanted to believe he was. My XH left me nearly 8 years ago and even though I am married again with a child from my current H, sometimes I have some light bulb moments that makes me realise/understand and see what a twat, fuckhead X really is....I even feel soory for him and her who is now trapped where I was before.
Keep strog. You have access to amazing help in this country and you have strong RL support and this website right here.

I don't know her and mum isn't friends with her on FB. we can only see a limited profile.
Slept a bit better last night. Really odd but DD2 has slept through the night the last 3 nights in a row. For the first time. One of many milestones he'll miss. She also started crawling a few days ago. It is strange not to pick up the phone to let him know.

Ah well done little girl!! How brilliant that she is crawling and sleeping through. Well done mama too!! I completely understand that you feel sad about not being able to pick up the phone and tell him. I had it for so long with ds and dd but would you have got the reaction from him that those wonderful milestones deserved? Prob not. My ex has missed out on so many milestones now and the sadness has passed. I just treasure them for myself. You will make a great little team. It takes time but you will get there. I honestly never thought that I would but I can now see how much progress has been made.

These dark days are the worst. Bet you can't sleep and have an anxious knot in your tummy. I lost 3 stone in matter if weeks! Have you tried camomile tea with spoon if honey in? It helped me when I couldn't face anything else.

Well done Dolly you are being brilliant. You are strong and determined ad a great mummy. He on the other hand is a spineless worm and remember cheats never prosper!!! Xxx

Tell us :). Baby stages and all of life's events to be shared here!

So, I have raging insomnia, work issues and health worries. That's me shared

Gin is probably quite appropriate but maybe later....

Glad you slept that is a good sign. It's funny but dd was waking all the time when ex left and she also began to sleep through it really is as I'f she knew. I also lost tons of weight but needed to so that was ok. Do try to eat though cos you need the strength.
Well done. Another day ticked off towards feeling better.

Glad you got some extra sleep Dolly what a clever girl your youngest is, starting to crawl must be tiring (smile). How is your other DD, she is still little herself, what a good job you are doing holding things together for them.

Have a good day today.

Sorry to hear you are weighed under Toothbrush Thief have a .

Posters like Mypopcornface who have endured the same betrayal and moved onto better things are proof that things can get better, there is a saying "When you're going through hell, keep going".

Yes I've lost nearly half a stone. Another thing he said 'you're looking good separation suits you' What an utter utter dick.
Just had a message from him 'can you give the girls a kiss and tell them I love them please' I will be ignoring that. Tell them yourself you fuckwit.
DD1 seems a little confused. Lots of daddy talk, can we go here with daddy can we go there... Also, 'mummy if you lived in a different house daddy would put me to bed every night' She knows something is up but isn't sure what I think.
He's coming tomorrow and I'm dreading it. I will look a million dollars and I will be calm and distant. I will I will I will!!!