My husband has been having an affair and is leaving me

[DaydreamDolly]

I can't believe I'm writing this. 2 DD's youngest 6 months. Been going on 2 yrs on and off. He loves her. I'm devastated. What am I going to do? He told me at 10pm so I haven't told anyone in RL yet.

Uh oh I can sense a bad day coming
DD2 awake every 2 hrs then up for the day at 5.45am. Tears have started already after a no tear day yesterday.
Kitten will cheer me up.

Morning

my advice coffee and planed activities for the older child.

What are you going to name the new kitten?

What colour is the new kitten?

Also could you get a nap in the afternoon?

DD1 has woken and asked 'is daddy home?' I said no darling. She said 'is he in his new house?' I replied yes. She replied 'I miss daddy' Fucker. He's coming this morning to take her to school.
Kitten is white and I think we r calling him Jasper.

Morning Dolly
I am sorry you have had a crap day so far. DD , as will you, take a wee while adjusting to things.
Look after yourself, lean on your family anad friends and snuggle up to the kitten.
Stif upper lip when the teat arrives to take DD to school, no need to engage in conversation with him let DD go and then let the tears flow.
He is really not worthy of your tears you are worth a million of him

When o had a fight with dh and he went to stay with his mum for two weeks it was my sons reaction that hurt me the most.

When he came to see the kids and then left again was the worst with lots of crying and i want daddy and where is he :(

They get to swan in being superdad and then leave when they want to a new life and we are left to pick up their children that is in bits and had their whole life changed. It makes me soooo angry.

Yes to getting a quick settlement. You want to go through this process while he still feels guilty, and before he realizes just how much he will need to set himself up again. Before any new relationship becomes serious, and especially if any new future woman has a child, or he gets somebody pregnant. You dont want him to try get as much as he can from you so as to impress new woman and her potential brood.

Snuggle up once he's gone, get cosy, put crap tv on, make a cuppa and play with the kitten. Feline and crap tv therapy is the best! Don't what the weathers like where you are but it's rainy and grey outside so play on it xx

Oh Dolly just read your whole thread-sorry you are having a crappy morning so far. You are wonderful and so dignified, you are a fabulous role model for your girls and I am in awe of your ability to function as you are doing. Have a snugly baby/kitten day today and please know that we're here. Keep relying on your RL friends too, they are truly invaluable.
You don't sound as if you will wobble but if you ever do, just remember how you felt on days like today. Lots of hugs and positive vibes to you and your babies x

Yes it's the effect on the children which is unforgivable really, but it certainly helps to strengthen your resolve. Be warned, when he realises that it's not possible to walk away without everyone blaming him for his decisions, that's when he'll start trying to blame you.

Dolly can I recommend this book:

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/offer-listing/0704334208/ref=dp_olp_all_mbc?ie=UTF8&condition=all

It really helps you to focus on how to deal with the tricky communications, and is a great confidence booster.

My friend, who is going through a similar situation, discovered reserves of strength and resilience she didn't know she had. She was telling me recently that so many friends and family have remarked on "the change in her", how strong and calm she seemed. She remarked "I don't feel I've changed, really - it's just that the real me used to be pushed out of the picture..."

Keep strong, you're doing really well.

Just catching up with your news, Dolly and I am so sorry. I'm one of the sisters on here who has been through it - and now have come out the other end. A few feathers are slightly ruffled still and the lines on the face a bit more pronounced, but life is much, much better

But you have so much to go through before this stage - and one thing I am positive of is that he's going to be crawling back pretty soon.

The big question is - do you want him back? And if so, you know life will never be the same again and it will be a long, hard slog. But that is your choice to make, no-one elses.

I took mine back, but then found him still at it. Once I thought a mistake (I know, stupid me!), but not twice. And not an affair that lasted 13 months. But I thought I loved him so much that we could survive. But the trust had gone and that, he said, was why he went back to her. She gave him the elbow as soon as I'd kicked him out the second time - he was just a bit of fun. Karma, love, karma!

I dislike this man who purports to be your husband immensely - as I do any other cheating spouses - because of what he has put you and your babies through. His little fantasy life with the OW is now becoming a reality and that is soooo different as they find out.

You have everyone on here's admiration and sympathy and take your strength from everyone who offers it - keep your friends and family close, they will be of help.

Keep talking, get it off your chest - and yes, you will have good days, terrible days - and even some great days. Those emotions have to come out, don't keep em trapped inside.

Try not to reply to his texts any more than you need to, he is loving the attention he is getting from you.

Take care of yourself and your babies - and welcome to Jasper xx

When I read you started this thread at 2:19 am and mentioned your not so DH had broken the news to you at 10 pm so you hadn't been able to tell anyone in rl, I bet as you were typing he was soundly asleep, like he didn't have a care in the world.

Now he doesn't have to sneak around and has dropped his bombshell, as mnetters have said upthread, the tears and soppy texts are temporary guilty relief. He carries on like a juggernaut while you care for your children and rebuild your life. Selfish selfish man.

Glad you have rl support, don't feel embarrassed to reach out. Rest up when you can and let the tears come in private. Dolly you are doing so well.

Hi Dolly, keep on going. It didn't take my DD that long to adjust to an absent father. Interestingly years down the line I have to spend a few days persuading her that she has to go to daddy's house and she always wants to know how many sleeps until she comes 'home'. It'll give you the opportunity to forge the most amazing relationship with your DC. Indulge it.
Hope the day is bearable, it's expected and normal to be up and then down. I can
promise you that it will improve. It really does. Tears wipe away, a smile can be plastered on and you'll feel better, put your wellies on and jump in a muddy puddle.
It'll make you smile, thinking of you!

Yes I agree don't worry about dd my dc are relatively unscathed mostly due to my handling of the situation. Yes mine decided he'd like to come back and was furious when I declined his kind offer. Apparently lots of men have affairs and their wives don't kick them out after all I shoul be grateful he didn't ever beat me hmm
I went on to have a far more fulfilling and happy life, he however lives with his gf mum and their two young children has no money or plans for the future.
Do strike while he feels guilty too. I got my house signed over to me in return for no maintainence cos I knew I'd never get any but when he saw me getting on with life he became bitter so I know he wouldn't have agreed to it then.
You will have that sick feeling for a few more weeks but it does go and you will become indifferent to him.
Avoid hearing about him or what he is doing, I remember having a terrible fit of rage and anxiety when someone said they'd seen him swimming with ow,he never took our kids anywhere!
I think it's better to suffer for a bit than spend your life in fear of it happening again and it would.

I am very sorry and my thoughts are with you, I cannot say I know how you feel, but I can only imagine. It must look very scary for you now, but just like many of the people already told you, you can do it. I would strongly advise you not to keep ?the hopes up? that this is just temporary and that he will change his mind. Once a man comes to you and tells you he is leaving, he is of no ?value? to you. Even if he wanted to come back at some point, you should not accept him. Bond between a man and a woman is a strong one; once it is broken there is no mending. Please be strong, believe in yourself, trust yourself, love yourself and get any help and support you can get, of course, especially in the beginning.

Hi Dolly. I hope you are ok tonight.

I know how hard it is for you. You are doing so well and you are allowed to have bad days too. My counsellor told me that it's good to cry as its a release valve.

I will check in again later.

Thanks all. I feel very low. He has moved in with her and I feel like I've been bereaved. Our marriage was a happy one, it actually was. He just fell in lust with some slapper someone else.
I have been seeing all the husbands returning from work for the weekend and I want to sob

It is worse than a bereavement-you are mourning the death of your relationship but you can't get closure as he is still around.

Cry weep and wail all you want,it is no less than what you need to get you through.
If only we had a crystal ball to let you see a year into the future, you will be in a much better/happier place.
And your H will still be a twat

Dolly, we are all here for you. It is grief, you are grieving for the loss of your H and the life you had together. I too thought I had a happy marriage and am convinced he would not have gone if not for obsession with OW.

I relate so much to what you are going through. All I can say is that there is light at the end of the tunnel but I do know that it won't seem like that to you right now. Six months after being devastated I am in a much better place and a place I never thought I'd be in. Could not imagine being happy ever again yet I am.

Stay strong and think of how well you have been doing. xx

I could cry for you because I know how you feel it is so so shitty but I promise you will be better you will feel normal again.
Just take a day at a time.

Delurking. OP, I am so very sorry for your pain as I too know how you feel. I wish you lots of healing and strength. It is true what others have said, you will look back on this time in the future from a much happier place. As crazy as it sounds right now, you will even be grateful for your new life.

I know that I sound like an idiot but I cannot understand why ANY woman would want a man who would voluntarily leave his wife and children. Anyway, good luck to them and their drama filled existence. I hope she likes looking over her shoulder ever five minutes to make sure he's still there.

((Hugs)) keep on keeping on.

Thinking of you Dolly. Xxxx

A big hug from me too. It's heartbreaking when they move on so quickly.

I had a big set back nearly 3 weeks ago, when he informed me a few days before DS's birthday that they were engaged, just 3 months after he left me for her. The twat hadn't even set up a postal redirection and I haven't filed for divorce yet, so talk about getting your priorities wrong! But you know what? It set me back again, but this time only for a week

You WILL get there.