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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Could you cope without sex?

104 replies

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 18:23

DH shows no sign or interest in sex these days. he's a fantastic DAD and affectionate in every other way...love him to bits. But I just can't cope with a future of no sex/intimacy. He's always had a low sex drive and I've always initiated (or mostly) the pyhsical side of our relationship...but am now getting p*d off with the whole situation. Tried discussing it with him and now getting angry that he seems not able to either discuss or work it out with me or to do whatever needs to be done to resolve the problem...."the" conversation has been going on now for the past two years. I now feel unloved, unattractive and want to feel alive again so Victoria beckham if your old man is free send him around to mine and get him to take me over the kitchen table or something so that I can feel like a real women again . Any suggestions would be most welcomed (blush)

OP posts:

overdraft · 23/03/2006 18:53

Relate is that an option ?

overdraft · 23/03/2006 18:54

Imagine a man picking up socks and small toys.Now theres a thought

FioFio · 23/03/2006 18:56

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blueteddy · 23/03/2006 18:56

I could live without sex, but couldn't live without wine!!

Original poster

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 18:59

..that's just the thing o/draft...he's really good at things like that, is very supportive with the children, supports me in my work and it's as if he's so knackered that he hasn't got the energy to perform too (sounds like a role reversal !) we're both knackered but just occasionally I would like to feel "fulfilled" (or shagged senseless if you prefer !)

OP posts:

overdraft · 23/03/2006 19:00

is he a stay at home dad?

gibberish · 23/03/2006 19:01

Do you get time away on your own? Without the children?

Original poster

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 19:02

no...high flying European....... etc etc, earns good money, has a nice car, real gentlemen and very attractive......(well I think so )

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 23/03/2006 19:04

chrikey, surely every woman can relate to the need for a good seeing to every now and then

I think relate must be an option - it seems that the affair is prob the cause of all of this and unless the two of you talk about things, I can't see how this will resolve. I imagine he won't want to go but I think you'll have to put your foot down and arrange it all yourself and then persuade him.

Original poster

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 19:05

gibberish....no that's the difficulty. have no family support within 120 miles and have managed to fall out with both sets of parents about this...we've had one night away in 5 and a half years..have asked for help in looking after the children on our anniversary but told "they're your children" etc etc.... makes our blood boil

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 23/03/2006 19:05

or even, crikey

overdraft · 23/03/2006 19:05

Maybe to stressed out then.Why don't you go on some dates together.Don't have sex with someone else though.It sounds like you are crazy about him?

Original poster

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 19:05

....or do I find a lover just for sex.........

OP posts:

FioFio · 23/03/2006 19:07

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lou33 · 23/03/2006 19:07

temptedmum, be ready for the fallout from that last comment, put a tin hat on!

Original poster

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 19:07

..how did you know that I was going to ask the question overdraft.....

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 23/03/2006 19:07

a lover just for sex doesn't work though

When I saw (on tv) this new high class 'whorehouse' for women in America (can't remember exactly where), I remember thinking that it would probably take off quite well.

If you love him, you need to resolve this with him. He obviously has some issues with the relationship aswell.

LucyJones · 23/03/2006 19:08

I could easily live without sex, after all there's always DIY

gibberish · 23/03/2006 19:08

Definately NOT!!! Might help you for an instant (or perhaps 3 minutes if you are lucky but will just give you more to deal with.

foxinsocks · 23/03/2006 19:08

'whorehouse' stocked with men not women I should have said

Original poster

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 19:10

so how long do I give it...we've been having these conversations for the past 4 years now and I feel sick and tired of talking and discussing and trying to work it out.....he agrees that we do need to sort it out...but then refuses to agree to do anything about it. AAAAAAArgh

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 23/03/2006 19:10

arrange relate and present as a fait accompli

Original poster

temptedmum · 23/03/2006 19:14

I know that he would die a thousand deaths with the thought of discussing it with somebody else. Although he's an outwardly confident person, he's actually very private and insular and would hate the thought of us discussing "our" business with a stranger... I will try and give it a go though..He did agree once before and even said that he would organise the appt....then didn't get around to it (he left a message apparently and nobody called him back !)

OP posts:

overdraft · 23/03/2006 19:15

Think the name gave it away. Temptedmum?

hellsbellsdownunder · 23/03/2006 19:18

tm - you have all my sympathy. Dh and I have been married 25 years this year but I have the same problem with dh. He just doesn't 'get it' ie understand what really good sex is - or want it like I do. It has caused major problems - me on antidepressants for 10 years - and I've even had two affairs (and dh knows about them) but nothing has shaken his complacency. Affection-wise he is ok - and I think he does love me, but it's hard for me to feel loved and appreciated. Over the last few months I have been seriously questioning myself (yet again) whether I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Siigghhh!!

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