Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

No Beth you're right I didn't hear their responses.

I wish this was over and years in the past :(

This all hurts so much. Last night I was so sure of his innocence and now I'm doubting myself again. Stupid things keep running through my mind.

I think I want to talk to his friend, find out what time he got back to the reception because as yet that's unclear. DH doesn't want to talk about it anymore which is both understandable and worrying.

:(

Yes I am sure that if someone reports an assault to a police employee, they are duty bound to investigate that further. That is national ACPO policy and doesn't vary between force areas. Of course it is entirely possible that the OP's husband was dealt with by a lazy or ill-informed police employee, which is why I suggested she phoned someone else, because the response as reported, is incorrect.

"If your husband was telling the truth about any of this, he would also instantly report it as an assault."

Why does this mean he's lying? Does everyone who gets punched in the face report an assault? No, of course not!

If Cherry had reported this tale to her husband about a man who had slapped her when she refused sex, I think her husband would definitely want it reported as an assault. If she didn't want to do that, alongside all the other frankly bizarre behaviour such as returning to a social function for hours after the alleged assault, then yes I think he would have reasonable grounds to think she might be lying. This is all about the context of this assault, not whether people generally always report assaults on their person, to the police.

My DP got punched in the face by a random stranger in a bar last year for being "foreign" He didn't bother reporting it. Not everyone's first reaction is to report everything to the police. Mine would not be

The op had made her peace with her DH. Now those here who "know" he is lying have caused her untold more misery by getting her to doubt her own judgement again. Way to go

For me, this is nothing to do with whether her DH reported it to the police and everything to do with the fact that a random woman beg for a lift, plays with herself in the car whilst telling the stranger who's agreed to the lift that he is gorgeous...she then begs for sex repeatedly and then punches him. He then returns to a function until 3am.

THAT is what I absolutely would not believe. The chances of the above happening are.. slim.

Yes I agree that the attack itself and not wanting to report it is on the face of it the most minor issue and that it's the story leading up to the alleged attack that defies credibility, along with the frankly bizarre return to the social function.

However, reporting an attack to the police and being prepared to be questioned about it and to make a statement might lend more credibility to at least this part of the story.

Bit suffering a random and unprovoked attack by a stranger is completely different to this particular story. If your partner had the misfortune to suffer a racially motivated attack, I can see why he might not report it, although I wish that he had. But if that attack had occurred in connection with other events that defied credibility and which you and others were having trouble believing, actually I'd think his first instinct after talking to you would be to report it. If only to show that he was willing to be questioned by people who aren't in love with him and don't trust everything he says without question.

In fact, I'd love to see what a trained police officer might make of the OP's husband's story..........

Beth are you seriously suggesting that the DH should've reported the crime not because it was assault, but to give credibility to his story?! Crazy.

Who cares if people here think the story lacks credibility, OP. You know your husband, no one here does. A lot of people here seem very emphatic that this scenario could never have occurred - they must've led very sheltered lives!

No I am not. As described by the OP's husband, it certainly was an assault. Having the courage of your convictions to report that assault is however not just a sign of good faith to the OP, it might have also prevented this woman assaulting good samaritans in the future.

It's not posters who've led sheltered lives and it's not that posters think that a story about a predatory woman is an unlikely scenario. What I think people are having more trouble with is that this man didn't eject her from his car when she started masturbating and pestering him for sex - and that instead of either reporting her assault to the police straight away or at the very least returning home and telling the whole sorry tale to his wife, he went back to the function and failed to return home for several hours afterwards, not telling his wife about any of this for a further 48 hours.

I see what you mean. However, human beings don't always act in a rational way. In the cold light of day it's blindingly obvious what he should've done but while it was happening he might've been frozen by indecision.

Also, we don't know where they were driving: maybe they were on a dark rural road and the DH didn't want to leave her on her own. Or maybe they were on a motorway and he couldn't stop.

You know notanaxe I can just about buy a story about a young man without too much knowledge of the world, acting like a rabbit in the headlights while this was going on.

What I don't buy is that he returned to the function and didn't come home for hours, didn't tell his wife for 48 hours and accepted an incorrect response from the police when badgered by his wife to report it.

I think this man has told a pack of lies and was frightened of the truth slipping out via someone else. I expect he's told his mates and/or other witnesses to cover for him but one of them ( or the woman herself) isn't playing ball, hence this cock and bull story told to his wife 48 hours later. I think he was panicked and nervous and was why he kept phoning and texting the OP yesterday. Now that she appears to believe him, he doesn't want to talk about it at all, in case he trips himself up further.

The pitfalls of giving lifts to strangers. Most people are aware it's risky, as is allowing yourself to be in an enclosed place with a person of the opposite sex who you don't know. Odd that the OP's DH never considered this before giving a lift, or what it could look like if his DH was to find out from a third party who saw him leaving with her - hmm that could explain a tail, it would be a good one to use? Not sure if OP has mentioned any evidence of the punch? I'd guess there was non as she knew nothing for 2 days.
If the tail is true, I could see why someone would not want to tell the police, could be seen as a bit embarrassing that he put himself in that potential position -it all sounds a bit too naive. Wouldn't even good Samaritans, make sure before they offered a lift to an unknown female that either another could chaperone or witness or at least know what was occurring beforehand was straight-up.
Given this, I'd guess he knows that someone saw him leave with a female and this is the cover story.

beth I never said it was racially motivated. My dp is the same race as his attackers ie white

I agree that it is pointless to report to the police just to give credibility to the story as if, if he doesn't want to report it is not true. What odd logic

Did your DH invite you to the reception as his plus one? Not sure how you came to be working at his Mum's shop on the evening, as usually these things are known well in advance so can free up the time. If it was the OP's decision not to go, fair enough. Just hope for her sake also that her being unable to go was not engineered to some extent.

Beth - I'm an ex police officer.

Hence why I know with absolute certainty that the police would not have dismissed this phone call. They would also not know about the CCTV footage and its possible deletion in the space of one call. And even if they had wanted to dismiss it, well, that's not possible. A record would have been created for the call alone and a URN given to the caller [ Unique Reference Number ]

I'm in two minds as to whether the whole thread is real, actually.

Lola I agree with you completely and that's my experience too.

Bit you said upthread that your DP was:

punched in the face by a random stranger in a bar last year for being "foreign"

which in terms of motive, would certainly be treated in law as a racially motivated attack. Racial attacks don't just cover race as a factor, but nationality, colour, ethnic origin and religious belief. The victim doesn't actually have to be of a different racial, national or religious group to his attackers; it is enough to prove that the attacker perceived the victim to be 'different' and attacked him for that reason. The same is true of all Hate Crimes e.g. motivated by a person's perceived disability, sex or sexual orientation.

For the umpteenth time, I'm not suggesting that this man wastes police time with a false allegation, just to add credibility to his story. I am saying that if he believes he was attacked by this woman, he should consider reporting it to the police, in order to see justice done and to prevent the perpetration of similar offences by his assailant. I'm sorry he hasn't done so (if he was actually attacked), but also suspicious that he didn't because that course of action could have gone some way to alleviating his wife's perfectly understandable doubts about his account of events.

Unfortunately, those doubts extend now to his report of his phone call to the police.

I've read this thread and I can't believe the number of people who think that the OP's husband is a lying bastard, OR that this was just some horny, sexually predatory young woman.

Out of more than 200 posts only three or four seem to spot that this woman was a prostitute.

There's a post a page or two back that says this:

Imo she was clearly going to make sure it was a paid transaction once he'd said yes to the sex - that's why she didn't leave with someone she knew and why she was going to town despite having no cash - she was expecting to sleep with him on the way and make some! And that's why she was pissed off he said no and hit him.

The bit about going back to the wedding afterwards makes sense to me too, I imagine he was reeling a bit and not ready for bed.

This is exactly my take on the situation. If your husband is the kind, obliging, chivalrous type, OP, he would have been far too naive to realise what was happening, even when it was happening, if you get my drift. And if he didn't realise what she was, he would have been really shaken by the experience.

Sure it's a strange story, but it has the ring of truth. The only bit missing is that her husband didn't realise, either when he agreed to give her a lift, or later, that he'd picked up a hooker.

And I think the fact that he found all this very unsettling explains why he didn't tell you straight away. It does sound bloody odd, so no wonder he didn't want to tell you. The fact is, it's shaken your trust (and this has been helped by a things lot of people on here have said) and he probably worried that would happen.

I think this woman approached your husband as a potential punter and maybe even assumed he'd know that paid-for sex was part of offering the lift. He was naive and shocked. She was angry when she realised she'd got it all wrong and that's why she hit him. Maybe he still doesn't get this, or perhaps he panicked when he realised that he'd managed to pick up a prostitute without realising it.

This is a much more plausible explanation than that she was just some horny stranger. I can understand why no-one believes that idea.

Don't let this wreck your marriage OP.

Whereas I think that we shouldn't be surprised by a woman propositioning a man for sex and shouldn't assume that the only women who do so are prostituted. No-one would disbelieve a story about a man chancing his arm in this way and there wouldn't be an immediate assumption that he was a male prostitute.

Not that I think any of the above is true anyway.

It seems far more likely to me that the man concerned had consensual sexual activity with a woman he met at the wedding and rather than take the rap for that, saw fit to besmirch her character and depict her as a deranged sex fiend.

I must admit my initial thought while reading the original post was prostitute and I thought that was where the post was going - he got nicked, or caught, or guilty conscience etc.

The theory of a trashy girl who had spent all her cash and wanted to earn some on the way into town to carry on partying, also sounds pretty plausible.

That said; the idea of him being spotted in the car with a girl/hooker who was masturbating (prior to a consensual casual/or paid for sex encounter), then concocting this as an alibi in case it gets out, sounds equally likely.

I would also say that plain common sense says police wouldn't have erased CCTV footage so quickly. Think of all the cases where someone has gone missing/been murdered and the police broadcast the footage or use it as part of a prosecution. Therefore police wouldn't routinely delete potentially crucial footage within such a short time period.

As other posters have said, if the gender roles were reversed no way would it be dismissed just because the injury wasn't worthy of hospital treatment. There is no contact in a flashing incident, but it's still illegal.

The fact that your husband doesn't want to talk about it anymore now raises it's own issue - either he's worried about tripping up, or he could be suffering distress (again imagine the role reversal).

Sorry Cherry but on balance I feel it needs further questioning/action. If it is totally genuine your husband has experienced a disturbing event and the perpetrator should be investigated.

I would be pushing for another call to the police (where you check and dial the number), or even better for you to accompany him to the station, and to make the complaint to another officer.

This will give you an answer either way.

Beth I'm sure you must realise that there's a difference between being a different race and a different nationality

I'm inclined to think that either she was a prostitute and he felt incredibly guilty so concocted the lift home scenario OR she was not a prostitute, did ask for a lift, he agreed then he tried it on and she walloped him. Both of which would explain his fear about it all.

But it all sounds v far fetched so impossible to know the truth

Gosh i'm so sorry that this is rumbling on for you Cherry. Your situation in 'Real Life' i mean. Not the fact that the thread is still going on.

If you're still reading then let us know how you are, and if things are clearer yet.

My gut reaction to your update was surprise that the police said they wipe cctv tapes (as yes, the point of them is to monitor the public and prevent crime. Not much of a help or deterrent if they just get wiped every morning !?! )

Plus surprise that the police weren't interested at all.

I'm now in 2 minds about weather this girl was simply a prostitute on the job that night as she was so very drunk at the time. I may be being stupidly naive here but i would have though a streetwise prostitute would know better and would keep her wits about her?

I second the suggestion to go along with your DH to a police station and talk to an officer together. For your own personal peace of mind with regards to seeing him being happy to report it with your own eyes and ears and also just because i'm sure it should not have been dismissed.

Morning everyone.

Have read through the posts but my brain has garbled them together

This morning has been a bit wobbly.

My husband went to work early doors, like normal and I came on here to post and had a mini meltdown. So many don't believe and I was seriously starting to doubt my judgement.

So I text him. I told him I was going to ring up the police station and tell them about the incident to see if they considered it worth reporting. 30 minutes later he was texting me from the big police station in town telling me he was just going in.

He actually rang me and put a lady officer on the phone, she sounded very official and advised me that the incident has been recorded but there's no paperwork to do because there's nothing to prove. She explained it's a complex situation because even though she was touching herself, she could easily say my dh asked her to. Even though she walloped my dh for saying no, he can't prove it because there's no mark and because there's no mark means if he pursued it, it would go to court and for so long and it wasn't worth it. She had a look through the recent reports to see if anything had been reported against my dh. There wasn't anything. She checked the CCTV, it's still there, she, eventually, saw this woman slamming my dh's passenger door and storming off. The police woman did say my dh was incredibly naive about it all and he should learn from this experience but he did the right thing. The hotel is in a small country village and it is rural roads all the way into town.

I just sobbed through the whole conversation. But I'm glad I spoke to her.

She says it's much more common than anyone realises, mainly men going in to say "I haven't done anything, I want to report it to prove it."

God knows what the officer was on about the other day. At least this lady was helpful.

I'm putting this to bed now. My husband wants to forget it and so do I. The police are aware and it's like a huge weight has been lifted.

I knew I was right. I knew he was innocent. I can't believe I almost thought otherwise.

I want to thank everyone who has contributed to this thread. Everybody!

Please everyone stop arguing now . I never meant to spark up so much controversy. xxx

So you told him you were going to ring the police, he crapped himself and got some woman to tell you what you wanted to hear?

His story is the biggest load of bull I've ever heard. I'm sorry if that's not a supportive thing to say but it sends me into a rage when people tell lies, especially piss poor ones. How stupid does he think you are?!

The policewoman wouldn't have been able to watch the CCTV footage there and then. It's not how it works.

If I were you I would make a trip to the same police station today and try to speak to the same officer. Without telling your DH first. It will either confirm what you already think, that he's completely innocent. Or that he's full of shit.