Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

It's your choice. He is your partner and it's your life.
He may have done something fairly innocuous and panicked, setting off this complicated web of implausible stories.

He may have done something a lot worse.
It may all be true.
But I am very sorry I do not think your partners is telling you the truth.

There's no way the policewoman would've been able to see what was on the CCTV footage while she s on the phone to you.

Officers would have had to go down to the council (or whoever owns the CCTV cameras), get the footage and then scroll through loads of it to see if they could identify the bit with your husband and this woman.

And they wouldn't have done that without taking a proper statement from your H first. Which he'd have to give either at the station or they'd come to see him at home.

I'm sorry but the more you look into this the more his story is leaking holes.

I think you'd be silly to let this lie OP.

EggInABap - I am laying this to rest. Whether you think he's full of shit or not is not your problem, it's mine. And I don't think he's full of shit. She told me what I wanted to hear and I feel a million times more comfortable with it all.

You don't believe him, that's fine. You're not the only one that doesn't.

But I'm the one who is married to him and I truly believe he hasn't done anything - but..... if he has then he's got away with it this time. I'm not prepared to throw away my marriage because of a 'maybe he did this' or 'maybe he did that'. There's no way to prove this either way so I'm not pushing it anymore.

This incident will always be in the back of my mind but if I carry on dwelling on this I'm gonna make myself poorly.

Benefit of the doubt, whether it was a random lady on she phone or not she made me feel better. From here on I will be more cautious anyway, there's always going to be some form of doubt in my mind but I'm pretty sure I've made the right call.
The lady was talking to me and I could still here hustle and bustle in the background - it didn't sound like a random place my dh would take a woman to make a convincing call to his wife.

I'm not going to call the police station, I may go in later if I get wobbly again but right now I feel quite confident that we'll be fine.

I want to feel like I'm being strong about this, and right now I do. Most of the time.

And you told him you were going to the police and 30 mins later he rings you from a police station? Where was he supposed to be? At work? How did he explain it to his boss? "Oh I've suddenly really urgently got to go to the police station and report a crime that was committed against me five days ago. Not sure when I'll be back"??

And then you speak to an officer and she tells you shes already viewed the CCTV without an official statement being taken from your H?? Bear in mind that the duty officer on the front desk won't be the investigating officer. So he must've walked into the station, walked straight into a meeting with the investigating officer. How convenient that the investigating officer was at the station and not out and about or on a night shift. And how convenient that they'd collected all this CCTV evidence despite telling your H on the phone the other day that there was no point taking it any further.

I'm sorry if this is coming across as harsh OP, I can tell you desperately want to stick your head in the sand and believe its all okay. But none of this stands up to scrutiny. That's just not the way police investigations work. I've reported an assault in the past and it was taken very seriously and the investigation was very thorough. So I know a bit about how it works.

It doesn't work like this.

I bet if you keep digging your H will soon get aggressive and defensive and try to make you drop it.

Stop taking his word for anything. So far you've only got what he tells you to go on. You haven't actually heard anything from the police with your own ears. Every time you try to do that, he jumps in before you get a chance.

I can't remember who asked about my being his plus one. I only found out about it last Wednesday, I always help his mum on a thu, fri and sat night. I know je definitely went to the reception as him and all his friends (male and female) met at the shop before they went and they were all chatting about it. xx

Did you take down the name of the woman you spoke to at the police station? Could you call her back and ask her how she came to be looking at the CCTV?

Madonna - I know that you're right. This is a head vs heart thing for me.

I'm seriously considering going to the police station today.
As far as dh knows this has been dropped so I won't tell him anything about it from here on.

I HATE this!

How do you know that the woman on the phone was actually a police officer? It could have been anyone - a friend/work colleague/the woman from the previous night.

Nothing has been proved one way or the other yet.

I know it hasn't. We aren't really any further forward at all.

Think he is playing you for a fool Cherry.

I would encourage you to go to the police station. That way you will know for sure if he has been spinning you a web of lies.
which l think he is

Cherry, take control of this yourself. Take whatever steps you need to satisfy yourself that you know the truth.

It might seem tempting to sweep this under the carpet, but in a couple of months time it will start to niggle and eat away at you. Then slowly the trust and your relationship will be eroded.

Save yourself months and possibly years of suspicion and heartache and just get to the bottom of this now.

It must be horrible
You have the right to draw a line under this if that is what you want to do.
I think you should tell him you do not believe him even if you are going to let it go.
The truth may not be as awful as you imagine.
But how are you going to get through this as a couple if you don't know the truth?

When reporting something like this to the police, would dh have been given any paperwork? How long would the questioning have taken roughly?

I got the impression that it was just the lady at the desk who I spoke to. Would they be able to just pop something on file? I am completely clueless about all of this so if dh is indeed playing me, I wouldn't have a clue.

They would not have CCTV infront of them and they wouldn't be able to get it without an official complaint. Then they would have to have paperwork in order to get it.

Please stop working Out how this all could be true.
Either accept it isn't and move on or accept it isn't and tell your husband you know he is lying.

He would have had to give a statement. When I gave my statement, a police officer came to see me at work and we stepped into a meeting room and he took my statement from me in about 20mins.

My memory's a bit hazy but I think they gave me a crime number which meant I could call the station and they could pull up my file more easily.

The CCTV thing is a massive red flag in the story. Like I already said, the police can't just 'log in' to the council's CCTV files while they're on the phone to the public. They have to go and get the DVDs and then some junior offic has to spend hours searching through the footage. They wouldn't just fast forward to the rough time your H said he was dropping the woman off and go "yep, okay, there they are.". They'd definitely want to cross ref it with the time your H said he left the hotel, so they'd ask the hotel for CCTV footage from their car park too. Which, from his story, it doesnt sound like theyve done.

BUT the crucial thing is, they wouldn't do ANY of this without a crime first being officially reported. According to your H they told him not to bother reporting it (again, unbelieveable in itself). So you see none of this really makes sense at all.

If I were you I'd phone the police station and ask to speak to the 'police officer' you spoke to earlier. Did she even give you her name, if she was a real police officer the first thing she would've done is identified herself to you.

MrsDevere - those questions I posted aren't for me to try and prove innocence - the opposite really. From his texting me saying he was at the station, to him putting this lady on was about 15/20 mins. Is this realistic?

I'm just trying to get things straight so I don't sound like a crazy wifey lady when I go to/ring the station.

He works about 10 minutes away from the big police station so it's no surprise he was able to get there quickly. Plus it's the same town where the dirty woman wanted dropping off.

I always thought the police had instant access to CCTV. I've learned something new today.

Thanks Madonna, that's really helpful.

I don't remember the woman giving me her name but I was so worked up and crying that I could easily have missed it if she did.

Was he at work today? Would he normally be able to just walk out of work at a moment's notice and be gone for half an hour?

Did you get the name of the police officer your spoke to?

Oh dear.
Cherry I've just read the whole thread and I was inclined to believe that he had accidentally picked up a prostitute. Even though there were one or two inconsistencies, I thought that was the most likely explanation.

However, this morning's post about him going to the police station. I'm so sorry but that is the biggest pile of manure I've ever heard....the CCTV it's as everyone has said. They can't just turn it on and see it that easily. They'd have wanted to get a full statement from your H then there'd be a bit of red tape then someone would have to view it. All of that couldn't have happened within 30 minutes of you texting him.

He's lying to you. What he's done I don't know. What the truth is I don't know but he is lying about this trip to the police station.

The others are right. You may feel you can let this go now but this will play on your mind down the line because deep inside you feel it's not right, what he's telling you. Almost 20 years ago my then husband had a one nighter or maybe just a fumble when he was abroad on a stag do. I knew something had happened while he was gone. He denied. After thinking about it for a few weeks, I decided to let it go, but even now (and we've been divorced for 6 years), it still comes back into my mind.

oh and as for asking men's friends about their activites, again in my experience men will absolutely cover each others arses about things like this. I don't think it happens very often that a woman gets the truth about her partner from his mates.

Anything which is reported to the police, has to be written down, either in an interview room if he turned up at a police station (and it isn't like he would be ushered straight through) or if you call them up, you tell them you would like to report an assault/burglary/what not, and then they take just a few details IE address, telephone number, where the attack/burglary took place etc, then someone calls you back usually within half an hour to say "Yep, a couple of police officers will be out to visit you to take a statement at x time" or they will invite you in to the police station for a statement to be taken at a convenient time to them and yourselves, UNLESS you are at risk, which of course then they will send someone out immediately. But a statement is always taken, and your husband would of had to of read what was written down by the policeman/woman and signed it before an investigation gets under way IE the CCTV being pulled.

That is how it has worked when we got burgled, and I reported an assault, and witnessed another crime. First thing is always the statement, and they don't rush through it neither as it has to be thorough and they go over and over it with you to make sure no information has been left out or forgotten and I am not sure on this one, but in my circumstances, I was also given a crime number so if I did remember anything else, or had to call back for any reason, I could give them this number and my file could be brought up. Don't know if that is the case for every report made though, maybe someone else would know that one.

Something smells very fishy, but it is your decision OP.

I believe it. Although Im shocked they haven't taken the fact he was punched seriously!

Cherry, I'm really sorry you are having such a horrible time but it seems vanishingly unlikely that your dh is telling the whole truth.

I wonder who he got to pretend to be the police officer? Horrendous if he's recruiting other people to lie to you. But the turning up at the cop shop with no notice and instantly getting hold of an investigating officer and that officer instantly having access to CCTV (held by ANOther organisation) is just ridiculous.

Madonna - he's always having to pop out of work for the doctors as he has crohns disease, that's probably what he told them. They wouldn't have batted an eyelid.