Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

Get your facts straight, there are no more false allegations of rape than of any other crime.

It's such a bizarre and unfounded leap from OP's 'my dh told me a wierd story where he's completely blameless and this strange woman just threw herself at him' to the response 'Outrageous! Next thing she'll be crying rape!' Why would anyone be so keen to start spreading rape myths with such little foundation? Only people who already have bees in their bonnet on that topic, IMO.

Point out to me where I said there was more false allegations of rape, than there is of any other crime? Doesn't mean there is none, does it?

Me... I did.... I gave it as ONE theory in a bunch of others

It happens...

( can't shake the ex cop in me)

Oh come off it, you said 'many many women' and made a big deal out of 'crying rape'.

It's ridiculous because there are no allegations of rape - that's a complete invention. The OP didn't say anything of the sort.

What's more common, husbands playing away from home and fibbing about it, or young women attending weddings who leave on their own, blag lifts from strangers and masturbate in the car without any encouragement?

You'd be surprised Edam

(Geordie shore girls anyone?)

Was that aimed at me?

Nah, MrsD.

I would respectfully suggest that this isn't a great time for ex or serving coppers to start casting aspersions on rape victims. Not the week after the Times exposed the Rotherham scandals, and the Rochdale report came out. And we already know the Met's specialist rape unit had at least one copper who was busy losing files down the backs of cabinets, lying to the CPS that victims had withdrawn their allegations/lying to victims that the CPS had said not to proceed.

Hostility towards victims is a failing in the police service, not a merit.

Nobody is hostile. But many other people comment here with different employment backgrounds, so it's also fine for me to do so

I have a personal opinion also. And I have eyes. Some women act disgracefully... This sounds to be one of them.

If she us 'real' !

That is because many many women DO cry rape. That doesn't mean thousands upon thousands, or millions, but given the worlds population, quite a few women do overall.

And I went on to explain that I didn't go on to speak out, due to these cries of rapes. It wasn't long before that there had been a story about a woman who had cried rape, and I remember people discussing how they are stopping the real victims getting justice. I was 16 at the time, and was absolutely petrified of speaking out in case it got no where and he came back for more.

Sorry if that means I have a "bee in my bonnet" or I am "making a deal of it". Actually no, I am not sorry at all, as it is you who obviously has a "bee in your bonnet" and is being completely disrespectful.

The problem of women crying rape 'given the world's population' is a drop in the ocean compared with unreported, unpunished rapes.

this is a bizarre angle to take really

And actually, I never once claimed this woman would. I was trying to make the point that it does happen, so let us not pretend it isn't possible. You are the one who then turned it into a big deal.

Bollocks. You are arguing two opposite things - on the one hand you say you never claimed false allegations are any higher than for any other crime, now you are (again) saying loads of women make it up. Which one are you arguing?

And anyway, it's irrelevant to this thread, which is about the OP's dh turning up with a dodgy story to excuse a mark on this cheek. The OP didn't mention rape, the girl who the dh claimed came onto him hasn't reported rape. Why are some people so keen to spread rape myths they'll drag it into entirely unrelated threads?

What happend to 'We believe you'?

False reporting of crime overall: 10%

False reporting of rape: 6% This includes women with MH issues and women who have been raped but have accused the wrong person.

Rape conviction rate also 6% - due in part to persistence of the myth that many women lie about it.

Many women do not cry rape. The percentage of false allegations are comparable to other crimes such as burglary. This is a rape myth.

Hopefully cherry and her dh will go to the police and if the CCTV hasn't been wiped there will be evidence of flashing/ sexual assault? And the physical assault on cherry's dh. He wasn't drunk, wearing a short skirt, walking down a dark alley on his own, having a relationship with this woman etc etc so it should be cut and dried.

I know Liz, but given how women do fall for the gossip that reports of rape aren't all taken seriously due to the cries of rapes, especially young women, it does hold them back. Well, it did with me anyway. And I was just sharing my personal experience.

I wasn't even claiming this woman would cry rape, I was simply trying to point out that it is possible.

I shan't bother anymore.

She hasn't reported anything that WE are aware of. His strange story , and even stranger admission of it, makes us wonder why

A few posters have suggested he's getting it out there now prior to it being 'uncovered' ... So why?

What's he telling this 'story' for.... And why does everyone say 'we believe you'? When you don't believe this man?

He has been assaulted ( taking it at face value)

We believe you? Not happening is it?

Good. Glad you aren't going to try to shoehorn attacks on rape victims into conversations where they really aren't relevant. Would be nice if you could look at the facts and reflect on your attitudes as well.

Maybe your "loads" is different to what I would consider loads, as in one too many.

I am leaving this thread now, as I am being made out to be a liar and what not. Disgraceful.

A quick google brings up stories of false rape accusations. They do happen, THAT was all I was saying. And that it can affect people. Not just women, but men.

Because the dh has a bizarre story and the only facts are he was out late and came back with a mark on his cheek. The far likelier explanation for being out late and coming back with a mark on his cheek is that he was Up To No Good.

Nothing disgraceful about challenging rape myths. Quite the reverse.

OP don't get distracted by other posters having a row about something irrelevant to your situation.. Question is do you believe your DH? You know him, we don't, we don't know the girl in question either. There are plenty of reasons why a bloke might be out late and come home with a mark on his cheek - he might have been in a fight, he might have fallen over, he might have walked into something, he might have been slapped by a girl whose advances he refused. The point is we don't know. If I were you, I'd ask some more questions. This story is so random that if he's lying, he'll forget something and slip up. Ultimately though you may just have to go on trust.

Just to make a point. I am not keen to drag rape myths into threads, at all. I only started commenting on cries of rape after your initial post about it, edam, as the way you was talking about it, was like it is completely impossible.

I never once said before then that the woman would cry rape. In fact, I told the OP to push her DH to report it to the police, and if he is innocent, he wouldn't have anything to worry about.

I just was trying to make a point that women can make false allegations. I never meant to imply that loads and loads do every year, just that many have over the years. I don't know exact numbers, so couldn't claim there was tens or hundreds or thousands or millions. I was just trying to point out it is possible, and that the after fall can affect others as it did with me. For the wrong reasons maybe, but they can still do so they shouldn't just be dismissed.

But even so, if he is innocent completely, and if this woman did cry rape, he would have nothing to worry about. My argument isn't that she will though. I think that the idea that she would isn't highly likely, but just saying that it is still a possibility. As the DHs story sounds very far fetched, but isn't impossible.

Or maybe I have been led up the garden path to believe such a thing happens at all. Maybe I should do my own research, but I don't like to even think about it nevermind research statistics. I probably do still have a bee in my bonnet over it all. My issue completely. But this is the first topic of which I have spoken about this on since joining MN months ago, so I am certainly not keen to do anything with regards to rape myths otherwise I would of done so before.

I apologise for my wording. The topic has gone way off topic as like someone said, there have been no claims of rape anyway.

Sorry OP. I hope you manage to find out the truth.

Hope you get some answers tonight, OP