Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

It sounds very fishy that he mentioned police when he got in. That doesn't fit with the rest of his story at all.

This is sounding more like he's been up to something very wrong indeed

I would tread very carefully, don't let him know you think anything is up.

Do you know how to delete your browser history so he doesn't come across this thread?

I am also concerned that you so desperately cling on to the idea of your perfect marriage because you dont want to prove others "right".

Did they warn you not to marry him?

It does not sound a very happy life! Him going out a lot on his own. You not knowing his friends. You either staying in alone, or working at his mums.
Him going out, coming home really late because "i drove my friends home".

To be honest, it must be very easy for him to spin you yarn after yarn about spending evening after evening sober, and then driving all his friends home, one by one, across various neighborhoods. because you dont know his friends, you dont ever get to know if this is true. All the time.

The question is, WHY did he come up with such a weird unbelievable story THIS time. WHY is he terrified of you talking to the police, or you even hearing what the police has to say, that he has now fabricated no less than TWO "conversations" with the police, on the phone, where you have no idea if there really is a police officer on the other end of the line!

What happened THIS time, on his evening out without you? What makes THIS time different?

I think you need to wake up and smell this particular coffee. sorry

If he mentioned the police when he came in, then that lends more weight to there being an allegation of criminal activity made on the night. That could be a woman making an allegation of sexual assault, kerb crawling or failing to pay a woman for services rendered.

The 'I love You' texts are motivated by guilt, fear and covering up.

He didn't tell you when he came in because he was playing for time, waiting to see whether whatever he'd done would come out, and he needed time to get his story straight.

I think going to the police station is a very good idea.

Someone has spoken to the OP saying she was a WPC. The police have been brought into it already.

I think they may be able to offer some good advice. She could ask them what they would do if someone reported an attack like her husband says he did - would they give a crime number for example.

Yes I do see what you meanmadonna And it makes sense :)

Just going from cherrys posts I am not sure that any sort of proof would be enough.
He just comes up with more stuff to make her doubt herself

Quintessential - I'm just so scared that you're right :(

He doesn't go out a lot, once every couple of months that's all. We go out as a family quite often for meals but nobody can really babysit for 3 children for one reason or another so we don't get much time to go out on or own.

My mum lives 3 hours away, she has been here today as it's my Aunt's birthday. She used to be the one that watched our children for us on the rare occasion we wanted to go out.

The more you post about what happened and about your life, the more revealing it is.

The late night texts on the Friday sounds like he has a guilty conscience

Your life sounds very limited - you don't have many friends, you both don't socialise together and he seems to be able to come and go very easily (i.e from work and also in the evenings) so he has plenty of opportunities to get up to no good.

sorry x posted see you have checked the phone - I'm afraid the texts make him sound more suss, like he's checking whether you've heard anything and declaring his love for you - weird. I really don't want to upset you further OP I'm not sure my theories are helpful!

Oh love :(

Just try to act normal and not clonk him over the head with a frying pan tonight.

My own DP sent me a message while i was babysitting for my Dsis and i later worked out that it was five mins after he got home from having sex in his van with OW, and he was happily asleep when i got home. Another time he sprang a surprise birthday party of a friend on me knowing full well i couldn't go, and had arranged to see OW on the way home. Oh and then i had my DS and there was the messages saying he would come and give her a good seeing to on the way home from work, five mins down the road from me, she refused but i expect he would have had sex with her then come home, breeze through the house, kiss DS and me, then go and have a shower. These men have no guilt.

be careful, when or if you have evidence and i mean flat out proof, about confronting him. My DP had never been violent towards me, ever, but when i confronted him, he kicked ten bells out of me.

Chat on here, get love and calming support from all the ladies on here, trust me, they are.. I got lots of support and even after i left mn i was getting emails asking how i was ect..

I've recently come back and not one has judged me for my decisions, but i honestly feel had i stayed i would have packed his bags and let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.

Don't doubt yourself. You are strong you may not feel like it, but you are.
You haven't swallowed his story whether true or not and thats the easy way out. You deserve better than having this doubt.

He is a naughty man one way or the other because even if it was true (his story) he would listen and support you rather than ban you from talking about it.

((HUGS)) big strong bloody ((HUGS)) sod if its unmumsnetty. You do what you need to do to make sure he isn't making a mug of you love x

Personally, if i had the chance of a little bit of concrete evidence that my DH was lying to me, ie he saying he talked to police and them telling me he hadn't, then i would want to use it when i confronted him.

If you're wobbly about his guilt/innocence you could start your confrontation all sure of yourself - but end up getting talked down. I can see it happening to me.

aufaniae - I hadn't thought to delete my browser history, will do that now - thanks!

You know Cherry, I have only ever texted my undying love for my husband once.

I was sitting on a very lofty mountain, it was very steep, and I was very scared, thinking I would fall to my death and never see him again.

I am sure something happened that night. And it involves a woman. She may have punched him, but quite possibly not because he refused her...

Probably a good idea to make sure you log out of mumsnet too, when you leave the computer.

Just wanted to say i xposted with things. I agree, be careful OP.

My ex was the mildest mannered man in the world. But as we were splitting up he turned on me.

Cherry, delurking to say that I have been following the thread, and I didnt see any previous reference to him mentioning the police when he got home that night, whilst you were half asleep?

If he did, then he was stopped by them on the night. Which he did not mention to you before, I think?

As someone who has also had to play disbelieving detective re lying husband, I really feel for you. It is almost impossible to believe it when your usually seeming honest dh is unfaithful, and you finally find out they are lying and have been for some time.

I will, deleting my browser history would probably log me out anyway I think but I'll log out anyway.

I've got to go and cook tea now, I'll be honest and admit I haven't read too much as the kids are back and it's not easy with them. They have a habit of reading over my shoulder - thank MN for abbreviations!!

I promise I will read more, post more when I know more but it will likely be tomorrow now when dh is at work. Before I go to the station.

Thank you SO much, all of you. For really opening my eyes. I hadn't realised quite how closed they were.

ThingsthatmakeyougoHmmmm - :( God I'm so sorry!! Big huge ((hugs)) right back at you!! You poor thing, I hope you're ok xx

oh poor cherry its awfull not knowing x
do you think that he could of got a punch from the ow .dh if the had been caught ?
thats if there is someone else x..

The texts on Friday night/early Saturday morning are potentially huge red flags.
Does he normally send gushy texts like that when he's out with his mates at that time of the morning? Bearing in mind he's sober at the time?
If he does, then it's nothing to be concerned about, but if that's unusual behaviour for him then it's a massive red flag. Esp 'you have no idea how much I love you'. That sounds like guilt talking to me.

We're all behind you Cherry.

Wishing you lots of luck and strength for tonight and tomorrow.

fiventhree - I hadn't mentioned it before, but he told me when he came in Friday night/Saturday morning, I'm sure he said it had something to do with beer (he sometimes has a Bulmers/Kopperberg when he goes out, but not often) but I honestly couldn't swear to it - I wasn't paying attention. I was so sleepy that I barely even listened to what he was saying.

Ssshh - he does often send gushy stuff like that but my concern is he sent so close to the time everything happened. And he called me literally 15 minutes before he left (for the first time). Surely he would've mentioned it?

Things:

"My DP had never been violent towards me, ever, but when i confronted him, he kicked ten bells out of me."

That is repellent,and i hope you called the police.

Mine tried the lot, over a few weeks..eg there was only ever me, swore on the kids lives, accused me of going a bit mad, accused me of inventing it as I currently had no paid work to occupy me, accused the eldest daughter of inventing one element of clue as 'she liked a drama', raved about men who cheat and how he could never be one, started innocently at me, holding my hand and said he would never lie about such a thing and if there were anything to tell, now would be the time to confess, but honestly there wasnt , etc etc etc.

Have since noticed on mn that women with really good evidence often give up before these sneaks do.

Cheery- might be worth checking the money situation eg did he pay for anything that night?

My suspicion is that he was caught by the police with a prostitute, or that he was with a woman who 'changed her mind'.

Cherry, it seems to me that it is a significant fact that the police were involved on that friday night, and that he then told you that story saturday.

I think he is trying to head off a story which he thinks will come to you from some other source eg the police themselves.

I should make sure you get the post before him for a while, and contact the police too.

Do you think he could have been done for drink driving? And he has concocted a story like this?

Cherry, take care of yourself tonight. Nice bath?

You are doing great.