Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

The hotel wouldn't let OP see their CCTV footage because of data protection (my DP's apartment building has CCTV and there's an ongoing row between the landlords and residents about who owns the footage).

Anyway, only the police could ask for access to the hotel's CCTV footage.

If I were the OP I'd call the police station and ask to speak to the police officer she supposedly spoke to earlier. Ask them whether it's possible to check the CCTv in the way she as told. And then she should report a crime herself - that someone rang her today pretending to be a police officer.

Although I must admit all the above is speculation and perhaps not helpful.
I'm sorry. I am getting a bit carried away with myself.

Let's stick to the facts, which are:

It looks like someone has called you, pretending to be a police officer. That's a crime, and worthy of reporting to the police.

You should do this - without telling your partner - and take it from there.

If you find out that it wasn't a police woman then you need to consider what to do next carefully. He's going to enormous lengths to lie to you, and may react badly when he know he's rumbled. I think you may need RL support for this.

I would call or pop in and ask to speak to the officer your spoke to on the phone earlier to clear up a couple of questions. See what happens. I think you need to do this for peace of mind.

The woman in car bit is perfectly possible (some on here don't like to think that women are capable of behaving in such a way, but they are!) but considering you are questioning it all i think you need to find out one way or the other.

Fuckadoodlepoo it's sort of gone beyond whether the story about the woman is true. That kind f doesn't matter because we all KNOW his story about the police ISNT true.

So why is he lying? Because he definitely is lying about the CCTV.

I doubt the op is going to report her husband for impersonating a police officer! She clearly loves him. Even if he's been having an affair i doubt that she or many other people would do that.

Have there been any police officers on this thread? I know mn has some police posters but i haven't read every single post.

But she's not reporting him, is she? It was a woman she spoke to, who was doing the impersonating, not her partner.

It's him who brought the police into it in the first place. If he is lying and it comes back on him, well he's only got himself to blame hasn't he?

Fuckadoodle - I think your suggestion of asking questions to the officer who spoke to op on the phone is an excellent one.

OP when you are back from going out with your mum and you are ploughing through all these posts, please do these things:

-Sit down and try to relax a bit. Breath!
-Have a drink, tea, or coffee.
-Read through the posts here a couple of times because there is allot of very measured, non hysterical advice being given here. And you want to get this right.
-Take your time.
-Think about who you can contact for a bit of support if it turns out that wasn't a genuine call to the police station.

But she probably wouldn't report it in case it did come back on him. I think most people wouldn't report their husband while they still loved them/were in a relationship with them. A year down the line i wished i had reported my ex for something but at the time i wouldn't have. I don't think most people would able to do it until the love faded.

Impersonating a police officer is a crime of course but I don't want the OP to think that her husband is going to get arrested if she tells the police about this. In reality, given that the 'police officer' didn't ring the OP, but was put on the line by her husband who did, the police are not going to commit resources to tracking down the mystery woman because they will know what the motive was and that they haven't got a police impersonator crime wave on their hands. So I don't want any fears of arrests or investigations to deter the OP from finding out the truth. The police will take a dim view of it, but they won't add to the OP's distress by pursuing her husband or the woman concerned.

Teebee why thank you! I was trying to think how should could phrase it without instantly grassing him up because i think she will be very reluctant to do that.

Oh Cherry love, the fact that a few people posting comments on MN can make you doubt his story means you weren't really convinced in the first place you are desperate to believe him and move on. If you want to sweep it under the carpet do it's your life. If you think you can't get past it take control and do some digging. Phone logs would seem a good place to start

Beth. Are you police?

fuckadoodlepoopoo do you think you're being helpful?

I'm not sure if you are tbh.

It seems to me you're discouraging the OP from finding out the truth.

Don't want to say poopoo. But my advice is from experience of the justice system, yes.

I don't think she would have to grass him up with what you suggeste. She could say she made a mistake and maybe it was another station or say 'i think i've been taken for a ride here. Let me do some further digging myself'.

Honestly if it was me having to go there (and i would feel better about going in person than ringing) I would say to who ever is on the front desk:

"Hi, i spoke to a WPC on the phone earlier about some cctv footage she was looking at for me and my husband. I was wondering if i could arrange a chat with her now or make an appt. to talk to her again as i am still not sure about some things".

They may say - right, what was her name? I'd say Sorry, i didn't write it down, but it was at X time of day.

They may say - oh. That's odd. Who did you speak too? Ditto.
Take it from there OP.

They may say - yes! I remember that going on. Here she is! Here's WPC XXX. In which case you could take the opportunity to ask her about the cctv footage at the hotel?

I agree with previous posters who've said that you need to ring the police station and ask to speak to the officer who called you a couple of days ago. Explain that you didn't get the officer's name, but the date was XXX and the time was XXX, and they called you on number XXXXXX. You might want to be prepared with the date and time that your husband apparently called the police the first time as well.

Have a couple of questions ready so that if it is genuine and an officer calls you, you're prepared- perhaps that you're checking what CCTV evidence is available because you're considering whether you want to speak to a lawyer about what's happened.

If there's no record of anyone calling you- well, then you're in the boat of trying to figure out why your husband would have an unknown woman in his car, pretend to phone the police, and get a woman to impersonate a police officer to call you. I'm struggling to think of anything plausible beyond being spotted with OW and getting her to pretend to be the police twice, but I hope you get to the bottom of it.

As your husband has said that the alleged assault was recorded by the police, even though he says they would take no action, have you had any documents through from Victim Support? I don't know whether this is location-specific, but whenever I've had to report a crime (even for something as minor as someone hitting my parked car and driving off- had to report to get crime number for insurance) , this has been followed up with Victim Support contact details being sent to my home address.

aufaniae. Yes i do. And i don't really care what you think.

Teebee and fluffy. Yes something like that. That's how i would do it.

Oh Cherry. The police/CCTV story is definitely a lie. For one he wouldn't get seen - and the problem resolved - so quickly. Not because the police are shit or anything but because they are busy and have set procedures to follow. It simply wouldn't happen like that.

And for another they wouldn't be able to see the CCTV footage from the police station. They would need to send an officer to the establishment and ask the company whose CCTV it was for the footage. And it isn't even always possible to give it to them immediately, companies have procedures too.

Can you see how it doesn't add up?

I don't know what your husband has done or been part of, I wouldn't like to speculate. But he is lying about something.

I would go into the police station personally (without letting your husband know first) and ask to speak to a police officer about your phone conversation earlier as you still have some questions. If you can give them dates and times when you spoke to them it would help them narrow down if your husband really did speak to someone.

I'm sorry you're going through this and feeling so much doubt and confusion. It must be horrible. I hope you can get to the bottom of it, for your own sanity.

Oh dear. Just read your update. I was one of the believers before but the CCTV thing is just so unlikely I don't know what to think now. So sorry you're going through this, Cherry :(

I'm back but haven't read any updates yet.

Asked my husband for his reference number so I could make a note of it for future reference. He said he wasn't given one? He never gave an official statement, it was more of an informal chat with the lady at the desk.

I can't go through to the station today as I have the school run to do but I think I'll go through in the morning, in secret.

I have one friend that I could go to but she isn't reliable and I couldn't trust her to keep it to herself. So really I can't go to her at all can I?

There is absolutely no way on earth any police officer would track down CCTV, watch it, have an informal chat, phone a suspicious spouse to reassure her and do all of that without a reference number or official statement.

I am really sorry hun but he is absolutely lying. Your job is to find out why he's weaving such a tale..