Don't know what to think.

[CherryPie3]

Last night my husband sat me down as he had something to tell me.

On Friday he went to his friends evening wedding reception. I was working at his mum's shop.
As he was leaving at 11:45pm a young girl that was attending someone else's wedding reception walked across the carpark explaining that she had no money and could he please take her into town to meet her friends. She was also on the phone to her friends explaining that she had no money.

Despite town being out of his way he took her as he didn't want to leave her stranded.

As he was driving she declared that he was gorgeous and placed her feet up on his dashboard. She then started using her fingers to pleasure herself and asked my dh to take her somewhere dark and private. Which he didn't, he explained he had to get back to the reception as he had left his friends there.

Upon arriving at town she asked him repeatedly to have sex with her, and was getting quite angry that he was refusing to. When she finally got out she punched my dh on the cheek and slammed the door.

My dh then went back to the wedding reception and didn't get home until 3am. He explained he was so late because his friends wanted taking home.

I was very calm while he was telling me as something similar happened to me twice before - not as disgusting but a 'friend' tried kissing me whilst I was dropping him off at home, he then sent me disgusting texts despite me telling him to take a run and jump! Another 'friend' tried to kiss me after a group night out.

I'm absolutely sickened by the whole thing and have been physically sick this morning because I had to drive his car on Saturday, completely oblivious that this woman had been sat in it pleasuring herself. I never ever want to set foot in that car again! She was sat where I normally would if dh was driving.

Now I'm thinking about it I have so many questions that don't make sense.

1. Why would she ask a stranger for help when she must have friends/family at the reception that could have helped her out?

2. Why did my husband go out of his way to help a stranger, knowing there must be other people she knows that would help her.

3. Why did he return to his friends afterwards instead of coming straight home.

4. Why didn't he explain he had a wife and 3 kids waiting for him at home instead of having to go back to his friends.

5. Why did he leave it until last night to tell me?

I am so confused and hurt and upset and angry and devastated.... I love my husband so much and I don't think he would ever, ever cheat on me but those questions are getting to me. I wish I could switch my brain off.
I'm very insecure at the best of times without this. I am a very wobbly size 24 lady and he says this girl was a slim girl with short blonde hair.

We have just recently celebrated our 7th wedding anniversary, he is 25, I am 27. Our children are 7, 6, 2yrs.

What should I be thinking? I'm sorry it's long.

I'm having to pop out just now as I need to take my mum somewhere. I wish I could talk to her about all this but I don't want to tarnish her opinion of my dh.

I'll be back this afternoon x

The original story sounded highly unlikely, but the police station story is not even remotely believable.

Did you ask to speak to the 'police officer' on the phone, or was it your dh who said you should speak to her?

I'm wondering if the "police officer" on the phone was OW & he's having an affair? Perhaps the whole story re: woman in car was concocted to cover up him being spotted with OW in car?

I'm really sorry OP, but it seems he's spinning an elaborate web of lies.

If he was my DH I'd be more pissed off about this ridiculous police station story and how stupid he must think I am to believe it, than I'd have been if he'd have had a bit of a fumble with another woman.....

Thank you all for the info on police procedure, it's so helpful!

I hope he isn't having an affair
I don't think he is, at worst I think this will just be a one nighter because he never goes anywhere to have an affair!

Whoever asked if I asked to speak to the officer (sorry I'm on my iPhone and can't see), no I didn't, dh put her on.

This is bordering on ridiculous now - like so many others have said, there's not a chance is hell the police could just say 'oopsy, there's the CCTV for you'. Even if it was outside their building and on their OWN cameras it would take longer than 20 mins. Possibly a good few days as its hardly urgent to them, is it?

He's spinning you a massive yarn and you're lapping it up. I'm more inclined to believe it's an affair now and that was the OW as who ob earth would agree to be a police officer to somebody's wife otherwise??

You need to STOP telling him what you're going to do so he can't pre-empt it.

Check your phone records online for the phone call to the police, it'll either be a different number to the actual police or lasts about 5 seconds.

He's bollock deep in something - nobody goes to these lengths of lying for no reason. Just go down the police station yourself and see for yourself he's talking shit then confront him with it, because he's running scared and relying on you burying your head in the sand and wanting to believe him.

People will have affairs in their lunch hour, go to work an hr early etc, don't think it's just men who mysteriously disappear for evenings under the guise of poker, pub with friends etc. Where there's a will, there's always a way.

I was willing to give him the benefit of the doubt until i saw the bit about CCTV footage.

It would be impossible for her to have it infront of her so quickly.

I would pop into the Police Station for your own peace of mind and ask if you can speak to the woman you spoke to in the morning and generally gauge the situation.

This is such a lot of bull...

Why were you not invited to the wedding?

I thought hat all reported crimes were given a reference number. Even a stolen mobile gets one. An alleged assault would surely warrent one.
I don't think you should drive yourself nuts with trying to play detective.
Just tell him you know he is lying.
Because he is.

If he can easily pop out of work because of Crohn's disease, then he can easily pop out for a few hours to have an affair :(

Whoever said he's bollock deep in something is right. Whether or not the woman in the car park story is true or plausible, the CCTV thing is a bare faced lie. So you're dealing with something not very good here.

Keep digging OP.

Hold on, didn't the police say they weren't going to take it seriously the first time.

There is no way he went to the police station, managed to get the chance to give his statement to an investigating officer, got them to look at CCTV and get the police woman to call you, all within such a short space of time.

That's totally, completely unrealistic.

I don't know what he's up to, but it's not sounding good at all.

Like someone said upthread, stop telling him what you're going to do. Get in touch with the police yourself, and say you spoke to someone on the phone who said they were a police woman but you're not sure if they were for real.

Impersonating a police officer is a crime btw.

What part of the country are you in op?

I'm so :( for you cherry. This is all just bloody awful.

Look - while you have doubts you just have to act on them. This will just fester and fester and fester otherwise. It's utterly pointless trying to put all your feelings or worries into a box and shut the lid and hope it will stay there - it doesn't work. I know, i've done it (am doing it :(), and it will bite you on the arse again in the future.

And once you leave it for a few more days and a few more days you wont be able to check up on anything because it will all be too late. How awful that would be if he is innocent and you spend the rest of your life with this niggling away. Think of it like that if it helps. The damage is done, whether it's anyone's fault or not, and now you need to sort it so you can both be happy again.

In my experience of contact with the police they will always make a written note (report) of what you're telling them. They have always given me a crime or reference number if it's something i've reported that's happened to me. They will always give you their name. The only times they have not done this is if i've reported something urgent that's happening to someone else. ie: someones fighting in the road or whatever.

Goodness knows what will come of this hun. I wish i could go down to the station with you and be there while you check up on this call. I was reading when you posted earlier, and my first thought was - well how the bloody hell would he have managed to find someone to impersonate a police woman convincingly within half and hour!?!?!? But the more i think about it the more it all seems wrong. The cctv footage, the quick response, the fact that they said at first the footage would have been wiped - but now have it easily to hand ....

Please check up. Sorry for the ramble.

Cherry all the other posters are right about the holes in this latest story. Whoever you spoke to this morning was not a police officer or member of police staff.

This is why lies are so damaging. The initial whopper begets others.

Various things don't add up now that you've posted more about this.

You only found out about him going to a wedding 48 hours before the event? It's unlikely that he only found out about the invitation then, don't you think? With enough notice, I expect you could have arranged to go yourself, which would be normal for a wedding wouldn't it?

I think it's possible that this whole chain of events started with a lie and they just got worse at every turn.

I think the only way you can get peace of mind with this is to take control of it and conduct your own investigations. Go into the police station and ask to see a woman officer for a one-to-one chat. I think you're more likely to get some empathy about this situation, whereas a male officer might identify with your husband's situation more readily.

Once you confirm that this morning's events couldn't possibly have happened, you will at least know that your husband has been lying about that and the next step is to explore why.

I do really feel for you and I hope you know that posters aren't casting these doubts because they want you to feel worse. If you're in your mid-twenties, a lot of us are probably old enough to be your mum and although I understand why you can't tell her, we're saying what a reasonably savvy mum might say if she heard this story.

To whit, if you married young and a lot of your friends are still unmarried, an indiscretion like this isn't terribly surprising, horrible though it is to be on the receiving end of it. But if your husband is honest, it doesn't have to be the end of a marriage. The key is honesty, because if he has had a one-night stand or fumbling session with another woman and he's managed to lie his way out of it, it's likely he will do it again.

I would speak to the police (without telling your dh) and ask about his latest story. As has already been said, impersonating a police officer is a serious offence.

The fact that he instigated the conversation between you and the woman makes me even more certain that he used those 30 minutes to set the whole thing up.

He's covering his tracks.

Please, be careful.

Do you have someone you can confide in in RL?

I'm wondering if the "police officer" on the phone was OW & he's having an affair? Perhaps the whole story re: woman in car was concocted to cover up him being spotted with OW in car?

My thoughts exactly

Also the point about impersonating a police officer being a crime is a very important one.

He's convinced someone to commit a crime for him to get him off the hook. That's serious.

And I had forgotten that in his original story he'd said that the CCTV had been wiped. How convenient that it turned up after all .

What also worries me is that there might be more naive people reading this thread thinking that if they are attacked and report the crime, a police officer might really say "It's your word against theirs, so there's no point in reporting it" - which no police officer would ever say.

Lies have ripples far and wide. I just wanted to reassure posters and lurkers that if they have suffered an attack, the police will always take it seriously and they will not be fobbed off.

I think the impersonating a police officer bit is important, as you may find that if you ask the police simply if your partner made a complaint, they may not be able to tell you anyway, for reasons of confidentiality.

However once you mention that someone called you, then it's about you after all, not just your partner, and if you suspect someone of impersonating a police officer then it's possible a crime has been committed, so they'll be much more interested I imagine.

Like I suggested at the beginning of the thread, call the hotel and ask for cctv footage. Dont tell dp that you are doing it. If/when you are convinced he is innocent then you can tell him. His stories have more holes than a cheese grater. The normal thing to do would have been to sa 'we'll go to the police station together', especially if he knows you have concerns. I'm sorry op, i've had many liars in my life, he doesn't even sound like a good one!

Yes, i was thinking that aufaniae, and that's really important.

OP will just get told that her husbands report cannot be discussed by anyone else if she doesn't make clear the bit about her concerns about the police woman being real.

What a bloody can of worms :(

Even if I believed any of the police station story - which I don't - I find it very hard to believe that a police officer would actually speak on the phone to a disgruntled partner to give this sort of reassurance. That seems far fetched in itself to me - but perhaps the police where I live are much busier than the police where OP lives....

I did originally think that he might be covering up for actually attacking someone, and am not totally convinced that he didn't.

However now there's another woman involved, it's becoming perhaps more likely probably another woman, or maybe, possibly prostitutes, IMO.

Tell me, does he have an account with AdultWorks (prostitue website) by any chance? Do you have access to his email account? If so, then to find out if he has an account, go to the AdultWorks site, enter his email address in the forgot password bit. If an email goes to his account, you may have found the answer.

A big question though is why did he tell you in the first place? He must have been worried about being rumbled for one reason or another.

Can you have a chat with the gossip lady without letting on too much?