Husband

[halleberrysboil]

Does anyone else have a husband who seems to need meals cooking, washing cleaned and ironed, marital duties performed, and for you to be in awe of his every word, putting up with his grumpiness, swearing and bad moods, and still keeping the smile on your face at all times, enjoying all the sport he watches, while he is impervious to anything you might feel/want?

Erm, no because I married a decent man.
And my son, who actually does have what you so charmingly term 'special needs' isn't like that either.

HTH.

I've never used this line before but...

Leave the bastard.

Nope, and if my DH was like this, he wouldn't be my DH for long.

A marriage is meant to be a partnership - there's give and take on both sides.

Has is always been like this? Have you tried to talk to him about it?

Not any more I don't!

that isnt special needs it is called bone idle twat...

No, I have a lovely, nice husband.

Leave the bastard. Or what amazing redeeming qualities does he have?

OP
please ask MNHQ to change your thread title

the person you describe does not have 'special needs'

YABU to use the term "special needs" in a flippant and insulting way.
YANBU to be annoyed by your man-child husband
YABU to stand for that kind of rubbish. Tell him to grow the fuck up.

Why are you 'keeping the smile on your face at all times', if this is how you feel?

Sounds like you need to talk to him.

Why do you do all this:

meals cooking, washing cleaned and ironed, marital duties performed

if this is what you get in return:

grumpiness, swearing and bad moods... impervious to anything you might feel/want

Never confuse anyone who has special needs with someone who is a lazy, self-centred, entitled git. Of which it sounds, OP, as if you have the latter.

And no, I don't have a DH/DP who behaves like this. I wouldn't form, let alone sustain, a relationship with a man who so disliked women that he thought it appropriate to try and rule over one like some sort of Tinpot Despot.

Are you trying to get us all to agree with you that all men are rubbish ?

Not going to happen. Just yours is. And you are very foolish to tolerate him.

Yabu. Your DH is a lazy twat NOT special needs. disappointed as I thought that this might be a worthwhile thread
Yabu. You do not have to have a smile plastered on your face.
Yabu. Not to have realised that you have been taken for a mug.

You would not be unreasonable to go on strike. Or leave the bastard.

Are you from the 1950s?

And I agree about asking MNHQ to change the title. Your use of the term SN is utterly inappropriate.

Oh well, second time I've been on here, thought I'd try and canvass opinion/hear other stories/solutions, didn't mean to upset anyone, I won't be back - I'll just languish with my problems on my own. Caio

daft mare

Well I was going to say he sound like a lazy twat, but if that's your response to people pointing out politely that your wording was a bit off whilst giving you a little sympathy, I can completely understand why your DH would be staying out of your way.

You're a bit snippy.

My oldest son is special needs but he can cook, wash and clean up after himself. Neither is is grumpy, sweary or have bad moods.

Please do not call you lazy, grumpy rude husband special needs as it insults those who are.

Op come back. It sounds like you have some serious problems within your marriage and MN are great at giving advice and help. Your title and posting in AIBU was not a good idea though.

won't be back - I'll just languish with my problems on my own. Caio

Don't be so dramatic. People have, reasonably, suggested that "special needs" is an insensitive term in this context. You've also chosen to post in AIBU where you can expect a robust response. It does sound as if you've got quite serious problems in your marriage and there's no need to "languish" like a Victorian maiden with them.

Why not start a similar (but more carefully titled) thread in relationships?

I don't think she meant "special needs" I think she meant someone who has needs that seem to be special/more important then her own, as in the dictionary definition

spe·cial /ˈspeSHəl/Adjective: Better, greater, or otherwise different from what is usual: "a special effort".

Oh for goodness sake! Don't be so flaming touchy! Your post title was misleading, and slightly offensive to those of us who do have "special needs" relatives or dcs.....however, if you are genuinely looking for advice or help with your dh (who doesn't sound particularly lovely), then try posting again in Relationships - with a different thread title.

I think we all put up with somethink like that once in a while.
And all I say is that no one can treat you like that without your consent.
You have lost your power and you 'I AM' and it is very hard to bring back your independence and your respect. Don't get grumpy and don't get defensive. You have choice to stick with him or to teach him how YOU want to be treated.
Please don't give up!