Found out that my fiance is 280k in debt - what happens should I still marry him?

[BornToShopForcedToWork]

Last night my fiance confessed that he is 280k in debt. I am devastated and consider not to marry him anymore. Although we always kept our finances separate and I don't mind marrying him with the debt I am a bit worried that I will be liable for the debt as well. I am not English and therefore not sure how it's handled in the UK. I have assets that I would like to protect.

How shall I handle this situation?

Sorry, haven't read full thread (8 pages, bloody hell!) You're both pretty young and I don't think he's ready for marriage, he's being a bit of of a public school tosser atm and it takes more than five minutes to grow out of that mindset (I know some of these, and my baby sister married one to her cost...)

To answer your original question way back at beginning, there are ways of protecting your assets from him and his creditors if you marry. Find a good lawyer. Who will cost a lot of money btw.

But personally I'd step back and have a long hard think before saying 'yes'.

BorntoShop
He clearly doesn't share your view of the world. You are working hard to make your own way in the world even though you have assets and an income stream available to you. He is spending money he hasn't got on "bling" to impress people and is massively in debt.

You don't really sound that compatible and I think there would always be a tension in your relationship between your attitude to money and his.

If he has been running companies and amassed 280k of debt I wonder if there are other problems such as him forgetting to pay the tax man etc which are going to make things even worse.

I would put a lot some distance between you and him as soon as you can.

Orchidee

The watch is his not mine.

He cant tell you it's none of your business when he's the one who made it your business in the first place.

You will never be able to rely on this man. Even when you're going through such a hard time with your mum, he still finds a way to make everything all about him.

What you have here is actually the chance of a lifetime. You've been given the heads up on the sort of person he really is before you became tied to him. You're free to walk away from this at any time. And you can never look back. I really recommend that you do.

In general, I would be very wary of a man who has a very poor relationship with his family. The debt is bad but the lying and the bad treatment means you should walk away.

You are 22? I thought my life was nearly over at 26 and married quite the wrong man because of it. You sound very mature as a person but you really do have a lot of time on your side. Just because this doesn't work out doesn't mean you will be alone for any length of time.

Orchidee. The watch is his not mine

BornTo I think orchidee was being sarcastic - ie he's spending his money on himself rather than you!

You're 22?

Trust me, you do not need this sort of crap in your life at any age, but especially not at 22 when you have your whole life ahead of you.

Don't waste any more time on this wanker and his car crash life.

Another thing... planning marriage at such a young age, you said you don't want kids any time soon... so why? Better to wait, get to know each other better, not make a mistake.

BornToShop, yes I know the watch was bought for himself, that's my point, what's he buying you! Plus as I said earlier you seem to have different values. He's buying expensive watches that he can't afford and avoiding repaying debt. You are living within your means and working hard for the future. Yes he'd say he's trying to create a future but from what you've said here that's not true. He's living in the present and hoping he can avoid the consequences of his reality.

He hasn't come clean and shown you that he's serious about how to deal with the debt has he? He told you in as n emotional moment, now wishes he hadn't and refuses to discuss it.

in an emotional moment

He has that much debt at 23 ????? Holy feck.

I agree that, even more than the astonishing debt, it's his reactions that would make me dump and run: telling you it's none of your business, (of COURSE it is if you are planning a life together!!), trumping your worries over your mum, still spending indiscriminately, the immaturity to judge himself on what he has/has not materialistically cf school friends.

Please think very carefully before going any further with this relationship. run like fuck for gods sake

OP did say he bought her an expensive engagement ring, but all of this is on credit, isn't it? If he stands to inherit the estate, and parents are cash-poor, he may well be looking for a wealthy wife, old story... He must like you as you've been together for three years, but would he be marrying you so early in life if you didn't inherit? tough questions, but he just sounds screwed up with his values, with impressing flashy friends being a priority. What kind of basis is this to choose friends anyway! Agree that you have opposite views on life (despite your user-name on here !).

Born to, I'm so sorry. It sounds like a dreadful situation.

I know a lot of people in the same circle as like your fiance.

Trust me on this, the first thing that happens when someone like him starts going out with someone new is that the new partner is researched by family and friends. Thoroughly. He and his family will know exactly who your family are and how much you are worth.

Run away from him. Even if his financial situation is temporary, his moral ambiguity is permanent.

Run!
Fast! And don't look back!

You will find someone worthy of you who is not a total fuckwit!

allchangeplease I saw it written somewhere and loved it. I like to shop BUT as I said. I wear Primarni a lot :D

I'm not one to give a but i really thing you are winding us up OP. £280k. Really?

OP, yes, I loved the username, amusing! but you do like to work, so it's ironic

ICutMyFoot I doubt it that they reasearch every new date/gf, but they would research if engagement is forthcoming! as he doesn't speak to his parents they might not even know OP's surname, but in any case his old school parents would be pleased with the OP, they are not happy with their flashy son though!

GoingBlankAgain: seriously? Why would a person joke about this? You don't know what I've been through since Thursday night.

What you've been through since Thursday night is nothing compared to what you'll go through if you marry this spoiled rotten would-be rich boy spendthrift twat.

Even if you had a cast iron watertight pre-nuptial agreement in place to safeguard your pre-marriage assets - which you'd be insane not to put in place before you book the venue - you'll spend your days wondering what new debts he's racking up while he's out of your sight, and your nights wondering whether you'll wake up to a morning chorus of baliffs at your door.

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FGS don't lend this twat a penny or make any offer to clear all or part of his debts - that's what his family is for.

I hope his family tell him to suck it up as this wastrel needs a long stint sleeping on the streets and in homeless hostels to teach him the value of money.

I am sorry to hear about your mother, I think your mother's DH is right not to want her worried about all this.

You have had lots of good advice here. He doesn't sound like he will make you happy long term. He is very different from you and his values are not like your family's values. He is likely to always have money worries and will probably go through your fortune in a few years. He won't discuss money issues with you yet wants you to marry him? Unbelievable.

You are very young and should concentrate on your studies, your job, your family and your friends at the moment. Listen to the advice from your family and friends- they know you and will have your best interests at heart.

No I wouldn't marry him. That's a colossal debt, he hasn't been honest with you, he clearly has money issues and could possibly be a gambler to have run up that much debt in his relatively short life!

You say you're not madly in love with him either - so let it go. I could NOT live with someone who had that attitude to money, ever - even if all my assets were fully protected - what happens in the future, when you have children and can't work for a while? You depend on a spendthrift who has no money-sense - and he runs you into more debt - so you end up having to liquidate assets just to keep your family afloat.

Look at the future picture and then leave this profligate - he is very dangerous, finance-wise (to say nothing of the whole spoilt brat "I want this and I don't care if I can't afford it, I'm buying it anyway" attitude).

Oh my love, this is all wrong! Aside from the debt, you sound really mismatched to me. Money is the cause of most arguments in marriages even when there isn't debt. what chance do you two have, you will be constantly infuriated by his irresponsible and childish behaviour.

I think he has just given you a guilt free ticket to get out of this marriage.

From a different angle, I am left with massive debts after the resession floored my business.........I wouldn't marry me either!

BorntoShop -- please, please do not stay with this man and do not under any circumstances ever think of marrying him.

The debt is only the tip of the iceberg of what is fundamentally wrong about him.

Your account of him raises so many red flags -- you will be desperately unhappy if you stay with him.

Better unhappy for a while now while you get over him than unhappy for many years down the road before you finally get rid of him.

And when I say 'unhappy' I mean feeling you are having the life sucked out of you, feeling you are being destroyed.