Sofas and Slankets V Irregular choice shoes and Snogging - Dating Thread 23

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:)

gah - just did a MASSIVE post then lost it.

anyway - thanks for all the birthday wishes, had a fantastic day, absolutley shattered and went to be super early. Postponed mrl until this evening.....
Heard from beard a few times but a second date hasnt been mentioned, so i suspect its not going to be....

Madam0 - hurrah for ' normal' its underrated. I could never date anyone with a major kink, and thats as someone who has travelled down the kink path a fair few times.

Kirsty - sounds fab :)

Re first date sex, ive had some great first date sex ( mrl was spectacular, then there was mr epic sex and the sink being ripped from the wall, and qute a few others too) if it wasnt good i wouldnt go back for more....

goodthinking - its not you. The problem i had with online dating queens advice, was that she seemed to say that if you followed her ' rules' then you would ' win' and if you didnt, then you ' lost' Unfortunatley people/ men, dont conform to a set behaviour and their intentions arent always to find a long term relationship. So, you can do everything ' right' and still ' fail' That mentality is quite damaging..... Essentially, you just have to take it all as a pinch of salt, notexpect anything from it andenjoy it for what it is.

Glad you had a good day watch :)

My parents are coming to stay tomorrow for a few days. This means (a) I will give up my bed to them and (b) they get to meet Mr Nice on Thursday evening while DC with XH. We will go out to dinner somewhere and all will be well

Still wondering when to have meeting of Mr Nice and DC - think it will probably happen sooner or later although I am happy with how things are at the moment and don't want to ruin the status quo....

Watch so glad you had a fab birthday :)

I TOTALLY agree about the success/fail thing. I have tried doing it 'right', and it makes no sodding difference. I've been aloof, I've been flirty, I've been chatty, I've been quiet. And it's never got me beyond date 1. And that doesn't mean I'm any worse than anyone else, or what I do is wrong. It just means the crappy pool of men I am fishing from doesn't hold anyone who is right for me.

And if one more person in RL either tells me I need to get out there more, try harder, be less fussy, or try and work out where I'm going wrong, I will not be accountable for my actions!

Watch totally agree with your latest post! There are no rules!! No one can predict how anyone is going to react to certain behaviours because everyone is different, just because a certain way worked for one person doesn't mean it will work for another. It's game playing, I hate game playing. What's wrong with just taking everything as it comes and judging it on it's own merit, enjoy the moment and sod the sod off when you stop enjoying it. Just go with the flow and allow 'whatever' to be.

Right, rant over, off to see my Personal Work Coach now

Hi to everyone else!

good luck time ;)

i took umbridge with that thread/ post because it could be quite damaging to those who were doing everything' right' but not ' winning'

its down to luck, meeting the right person, at the right time, in the right circumstances.

ive met right people at the wrong time. Or right people in the wrong circumstances ( ie too far a distance, too mcuh job committment for me, or already in realationships) and ive just met a ton of wrong people.

Its bugger all to do with me following any ' rules'

You cant follow a set of rules and expect everything to fall into place, if life were like that we would all be sitting in massive houses, being spoon fed caviar and having our feet massaged.....

sponge, pah to the ' less fussy' comments, fuck that. Why should you be less fussy, what, so you just be with anyone so you arent on your own?!?!? who the hell gives that advice, madness!!Did youi find what yoiu lost.....and i hope you are ok?

In other news ive just done half my xmas shopping in the debenhams half price sale. Hurrah for being organsied.

and oooohhh miranda - big step - good luck!

The hot date is Thursday! We chatted for hours on the phone then he asked me out again We'll only have a couple of hours unfortunately but gonna make the most of it. May even snog (squeals with excitement).

It's weird but he's not my usual type arsehole He's not a strapping six-footer but he has a lovely energy about him and I can see us being friends as well as lovers, which is what I want. Yay for normal, indeed

Aaargh must stop overthinking!

Sponge abso-fucking-lutely. Great to hear you sounding so sparky.

Moving That's okay then - irritability is a red flag imo.

Miranda - big step! It'll all be fine I'm sure, esp going on his nickname!

Watch - glad you had an ace birthday

Am all over the place this morning, but in a good way.

Morning :)

Time good luck

Miranda enjoy :)

sponge hope you get your virus thingy sorted out soon

watch totally agree with you about 'the rules', it's just game playing.

I'd rather be on my own than with someone for the sake of being with someone.

Oops, meant to say if I've missed someone wrt fb friends then let me know.

Hello all!

Watch glad you had a good birthday and hurrah for being organised indeed

Latest update from me

All back on again with blokeychap. He won me over. Looooooong story but basically he was happy to take it from both barrels from me about what a twat he's been and what he needs to do to stop being a twat and having this silly hot/cold on/off thing with me. He accepted it all and we talked for ages going over and over everything.

However, the move is back on too - he has resigned and feels it's something he has to do. HK job offer is on the table with a better package than before, and he also has an interview in the states on the 15th.

We did talk about this as well though and agreed to make the most of the time before he goes and then see what happens from there. I did suspect this would come up again because he's been doing 100hr weeks and well, he's always wanted to work abroad so I couldn't see that ever going away. It's fine though I can handle not having him around as long as it's for a decent reason and not silly faffing about!

I have Mr iPhone in the pipeline too... I cancelled my coffee with him this week because I've got a cold and I'm just too busy but I will sort it out at some point.

Thanks Watch, Time, Sponge - I hear you, I hear you! It is all totally random and nothing means anything, until such times as it might mean something . I'm just a bit irked that something I was looking forward to vanished in the mist, but I'll chalk it up and move on.

Hoping the luck of the draw proves entertaining (at least once!) for us all.

lubey glad you got things sorted to your satisfaction.

Just wanted to check in and say good morning - sounds like lots of positive vibes going round for folks.

Personally I'm in a mood this morning due to XH be himself a total prick again but not going to hijack this thread with his horrid behaviour. Have started a separate thread just to vent.

Been having the occassional email chat with Mr60 which is nice, although I now accept its not going anywhere. Like having him to talk to though.

Blugh, you guys have been busy! I'll catch up after a a tonne of coffee if that's ok.

FWB night was a long and mostly sleepless one. There was lots of lovelyness and a tonne of very very pleasant touching and stroking and teasing and massive snogging sessions but I'm not 100 per cent that it's a good idea to keep doing it. On the other hand I want to keep doing it. Help me.

The bus journey home made me feel like a shamed teenager too..

right, off to catch up with the thread.

• oh no he didn't sound irritated just completely knackard!

He has defiantly been more quite after our date so will see if he becomes more chatty over this week again!

I'm wondering if I should ask him if me being a sex manic has put him off a little when we are talking? In a jokey way!

Moving no, no, no, just don't mention it!

Shuckle - why do you think you don't want to keep on with the FWB set up?

watch Glad you had a lovely day - can't wait to find out what Mr L has got you for your Bday! :)

ohWestern - great news re the optician! :)

Moving Christ, no. never apologise for your sexuality! although if he's complaining your sexual appetite is greater than his, I'd be wary. I think you're storing up trouble if he's not that into 'it'

Madame O :-) at your non-kinky chap. lovely! :)

lubey pleased for you and Blokey bloke - the LDR is a PITA though, but like the attitude of seeing where it goes and how you feel when it comes to pass.

shuckle evening sounds lovely. :) but whats occuring?

DS1 off of school again today. this is very bad. have taken away xbox and all computer related items. he was up until 4AM (because thats when he very kindly came through and woke me up to tell me he was going to bed now ) have been fucking cow-bag of mother in returning new kitten to the rescue as it tried to eat my eyes and shits everywhere and I can't cope with any additional stress at the moment. DS2 in tears. floods of tears, i feel like a total c*nt. no nearer resolving financial stress, but I'm chipping away... seeing real-work boss on wednesday for a chat.

PM away for work for the rest of the week. makes me feel miserable/unsettled when there's a bunch of stressful stuff going on. Am now at point of view where I just can't keep being his substitute platonic wife-type-person, it's getting too painful. three weeks until BD-day.

Snape hang on in there. It will get better, honestly it will. Have you talked to anyone about DS1 and the school stuff? If school are sympathetic and helpful it could take a bit of the stress off you. Don't worry about the kitten, they find new homes easily not like the older ones.

Have now changed my mind about the optician and am going to jump him tomorrow . . . or maybe not . . . god, I don't know!!! I think I want to but don't want to cock things up, for want of a better phrase.

I'm back! Thanks for the good luck It went really well and I am floating with positivity!!

Watch once again I agree with you. I don't like rules, I prefer the take it as it comes approach. I think there is a danger of over thinking when it comes to dating which takes away the fun element of it. There's plenty of time for thinking about 'stuff' when the date becomes an actual relationship, so until it does just enjoy it and don't get too hung up on it.

Lubey do you think that it's possible he wanted the HK thing all along? I did wonder when you said he had backed off if he was regretting not having gone for it and his subdued mood was more about him pondering his future than it was about the relationship with you. I'm pleased you are feeling fine about it

Hi to everyone else!

Sorry you are having such a crap time Snape. You did the right thing with the kitten, absolutely, so don't be affected by the emotional blackmail You are also doing the right thing by DS1, we don't reward bad behaviour, simple as. You are being a good parent, setting boundaries, and raising your children to be great adults, again, don't be affected by the emotional blackmail! They will thank you for it one day, my now adult children do, so it's worth it in the long run. Hang on in there lovely

snape sorry you're having such a rough time right now

I agree with everything Time has just said. Remember we're here for you to offload to when you need/want to.

snape - bless you. Its a lot for one person, at one time. We are here to offload on to whenever you want.
DS2 will understand the kitten at somepoint im sure.
What are the school doing to help? are they on board? 4AM??!?!!?!? fuck. I have no experience with teenagers, other than being one.. my mum would have roasted me alive had i of done that. My old work collegue regulary used to take her sons gaming stuff off them and keep it at work, because they were prone to doing the same thing. Just a total, outright ban. I dont know, must be really difficult. We arent a gaming family, fuck, i only just got a laptop, 3 days in and we are both arguing over whos go it is... i can see its really easy for hours and hours to pass by.

And hopefully wed talk with boss might help. Its rubbish, when the shit hits the fan and you are on your own ( having had a major stress these last few months, i know how much it all hangs on your shoulders) BUT, sometimes things that appear to be awfully shit at the time, turn out ok, you just have to ride the wave of shit for a period of time.

Hang on in there.

Tell me honestly, do you think it will alter how things go if I sleep with him tomorrow? Part of me really wants to, part of me is saying wait. This will be date 3 - I don't want to be a three date stand! What do blokes honestly think about this sort of thing? I was brought up with very much a "nice girls don't" mentality and I still have vestiges of that lurking in my mind even today. He's a couple of years older than me and was probably brought up with the same sorts of values, don't want him to think less of me if I do do it! Sorry, massive ramble there but I just really don't know what to do.

western, i think it makes no difference. If hes out for only sex ( and you wont really know this, we have all had men who have waited quite a few dates, or even promised future dates etc.... to get laid) then he will be only out for sex, nothing you do or dont do will change that.

He he likes you, and is wanting sex with you, as opposed to just sex ( with anyone) then he will still be around after.

So - do what you want to do :)