Sofas and Slankets V Irregular choice shoes and Snogging - Dating Thread 23

[watchoutforthatsnail]

:)

snape you're so so clever to do all that. I remain in awe of your talent! Just brilliant :)

moving men are full of shit. mrwealthy probably always was, you'd have found that out sooner or later if you slept with him the first night or after the 20th date.

it is crappy when they change their minds like this. I feel like I could write a book about it if I had any literary talent it's happened to me so many times now!

Thanks for all good wishes re my job btw, muchly appreciated :) Am not really thinking about tomorrow's meeting. I have money saved which will pay the mortgage for a bit (though the Evil Ex might have to fuck off with wanting his £40k here and now ). What will be, will be. Just wish meeting was in the morning not at 2pm!

You know what sponge' you should. I said threads ago you should write a blog. You could easily write 'the perils of Internet dating, one woman's quest for mister right-ish'. (& thank you, I never think my arty stuff is special, there are so many more talented folk than I, but was talking to PM about financial woes on Saturday and he suggested I tutor art! Hah! Little does he know...)

Sponge - fingers crossed for tomorrow
Snape - sigh...
Moving & Kirsty - Meh

So, quick question - If I block someone on OKC does that mean they can't see me or just that I can't them?

You can't see each other. :) ( voice of experience!)

thank you all for the advice, I'm just not really used to things going this way, there was one guy that i slept with once who never called but that didnt feel that bad as i hadn't spent a week chatting to him constantly. But I agree better to find out now then later.

snape the first one you linked made me have a little shiver, its very touching

sponge i hope all goes well with the meeting.

snape I remember you suggesting it! And I did think about it BUT I really don't think I'm a good enough writer. Although I might have a lot of free time to practise soon...maybe I'll give it a go :)

I think you should tutor Art, you really are good at it! Could you run your own classes, extra income etc? Or would it be too much hassle for not a lot of financial return?

Think it would eat into my personal time... I already hold down a full time job, I think I would resent it tbh.

Do it! I'll be your editor... :-)

We should turn this whole thread into a book/film - it would be bloody brilliant. It's got it all - comedy, bravery, tragedy, high romance and maybe even some happy endings ... Now, who should I have to play me?

Bagsy drew barrymore! (with grudging realisation I'm actually tina fey...)

Sponge Thinking of you and fingers crossed.
Snape - I swear that if PM doesn't fall at your feet we will turn your story into a Holywood blockbuster so at least you'll be rich (smile)

Sorry to hear about these useless specimens. I am no stranger to them, though the bulk of them happened before mobiles or internet (old gimmer)

Fate lovely story

Science Boy is away for a few days but texted to say he had been travelling and hoped i had a nice day. Texted at weekend re fourth date and his answer was "Yes please!"

I still have my cynical head on though. Though exchanges like this make me smile:

(re next date)
Me: "Should have Long Kiss Goodnight by then (my fave movie that I was going to buy so we could watch it together)
Him "Me? Oh yeah you mean the film ;-)

Honestly had written it in all innocence!

Well I spoke to mr wealthy last night, he asked which day we are meeting up, as he had previously asked about meeting up, I then said well actually I wonder if we would be better as friends! He then said wow I wasn't expecting that, asked why etc, I explained that he has been very different before and after our date, as that I was starting to wonder if now that we had slept together if things are going in the wrong direction and that maybe thats all he thinks it's about

So he said I really think we should meet up an talk about this, and that when he is stressed he just doesn't like to talk etc!

I explained that after the first time of sleeping with someone, then to go very quite is not very encouraging!

Anyway I told him that I will get back to him about meeting up to talk about things!

Hello again all...

So, THREE years after I told him to fuck off, Mr Wankbag texted me! Just unreal, what the hell is wrong with some of these idiots.

He said 'Hi, Long time no speak, how are you?'

Erm yes why exactly do you think I haven't spoken to you for three years? twat.

I didn't reply of course!

For any newbies who don't know who he is, he's the one who wanked into a small green plastic dog poo bag just randomly after I kissed him after a third date! The fuller details are on one of the earlier dating threads..

moving - So do you think you'll see him again? Can be difficult to interpret signals from someone you don't know very well.

lubey - in front of you? no, dont' answer that, I don't want to know. Ugh. How revolting.

Currently chatting to 2 guys on OKC, a musician/writer and a fellow New Yorker. Not sure I really want to meet either of them but chatting is fun.

Also finally told my XH I've had enough of his abuse and that I don't use that word lightly. Now I have to stay strong and maintain total radio silence.

well done yoga. You dont have to take it.

Lubey - wtf?!?!? whhhyyyyyyyyyyyy. hows things with your chap?

Sponge - thinking of you today.

Moving - huh, so, what do you think you are going to do?

Madam - yay for 4th dates :)

Good on you, Yoga, stay strong on this one!

Been thinking about the optician a bit more over the last day or so, and I am really not comfortable about the situation with his ex. Some of the highlights (well, lowlights I guess) are:

• biggest one was when he was telling me about her having a new man and then saying "But she went mental when I told her about you" - this is after four dates or so. Why on earth is he saying anything to his ex? (Or indeed to anyone after such a short time - he's also been dropping hints to his mum as well). That really struck me as point scoring/revenge.

• he sees her an awful lot because of the children, which of course I am okay with. But he seems to be involved in doing a lot of stuff round her house, topping up her car, changing lightbulbs etc which I think means someone's boundaries aren't where they should be. Not sure who instigates this.

• they are constantly texting and phoning each other with bitchy comments and arguments. We both kept our phones on on dates because of the respective children, and every time there was at least one, often more, call or text from her. Surely this isn't necessary a year post-split? He has also told me stories about various friends and family being drawn in to take sides then being blanked by his ex and so on, I think to illustrate how unreasonable she is but it just makes me feel very uneasy especially if she knows about me (what there is to know . . .)

• he says he doesn't want her back which I can believe, but the divorce has not progressed. She will not agree to a no fault divorce but he has not done anything to get things moving on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour or whatever.

• he still has photos of her up in his house (granted they are part of those studio-type family photo montages, but still . . .). Was a bit shocked to see these when I went round to his. One of the first things I did was to get rid of all traces of the ex, couldn't have stood to see his face every time I went through my hallway. And she is the same "type" as me too . . .

I am overwhelmingly left with the feeling that this guy is a long way from ready to be dating again even in a more casual way. And I don't think his intentions are casual at all, but I don't think this set-up is one I want to get into. Maybe six months down the line when he has sorted himself out a bit, but not now. What do you think?

western - i think if your gut is telling you its not right, then its not right.
Listen to it.

:)

You dont have to give any one a chance, or date people just because they come along - despite what society and other women seem to tell us.
( several friends have told me im stupid to dump puppy, and should put up with it, because there are worse things he could do and im getting on a bit.... and some have even told me what a fool i am not to fall at ywks feet)

But - your gut is telling you its wrong, you dont feel good about it,your arent comftable and its not what you want... its just having the confidence to listen to it.

:)

Oh Western, it's so tricky! Again, I know from my own experience I only just recently took down a massive family portrait that hung in my living room (split in January). Not because I still had any residual feelings for ex, partly out of concern for children, partly cause I was skint and didn't know what else to put up. But when Mr60 commented on it I finally got my act together and bought a £15 clock out of TK Max. I didn't realise til AFTER I took it down what a relief it was.

Doing stuff for her round the house - again it's complicated. As you know I've finally told my ex I don't want him setting foot in my house again (although I was always the one to change a lightbulb, fix stuff etc). But I know lots of divorced couples who do this. In some cases its' because they have a very amicable relationship. In others its because the XW is convinced she's not capable.

But maybe all this stuff together - especially nasty phone-calls mid-date - are just too much. Maybe he does need to move on a bit more before he's ready to date. I can understand why you're feeling increasingly unsure.

MadameO if the bugger doesn't fall at my feet, I have now done some high dpi copies of said notebook and will tout myself around publishers, with the hope of a 'fifty shades' style virality, which will mean everytime he goes to a supermarket, or gets on a train, or leaves the house, a middle-aged woman will be grasping the notebook of love in her hands and weeping silently. (I am very good at psychological torture. it's my thing.)

moving I salute you; this is a very grown up way of dealing with things, rather than letting them fester and try to second-guess what the chap is op about.

Lubey ewwwwwwww.

Yoga you're from New York! Lovely city, i am desperate to go back. Good for you re the XH. :)

Ha, I'm hardly a real New Yorker though. Well & truly grew up in the suburbs - I can just about handle a day in the city for some shopping or a broadway show!

Yep, ewwwww... and wtf?

Watch, things are all ok thanks, just chugging along, had a great weekend with him, still recovering!

Snape I love your notebook, you are very talented... when are you giving it to him?

western the optician sounds like a LOT of hard work. a lot. i would agree with watch, listen to your gut. you have his side of things regarding 'no fault', inability to progress divorce etc. it sounds as if he is trying to make himself tlok better by dropping bits and pieces about the ex into your fledgling relationship. the lareg amount of family portraits sounds creepy (although I have one small pic of the ex in the house, but that is mainly for the DCs benefit....so they can remember what he looks like )

lubey around the 22nd.

sponge hope you have good news today. :)

snape love the idea of notebook of love as anitdote to 50shades overkill. I'd definitely buy a copy to weep over at memory of lost love

western I was involved with the lovely Ex at the time when things were at their most acrimonious with the Evil one. I'd never have have answered one of his abusive texts or calls whilst in lovely Ex's company (or if I did it would be from the loo or something) and I certainly wouldn't have told him if I'd received one. The optician seems too engaged with his Ex for my liking - I wouldn't want to get caught in the crossfire in that situation. Plus I don't like the idea of him telling you she's 'gone mental' about you, it's all a bit close to the my Ex is a nutter stuff that men tend to peddle when in fact the issue is more likely with them

So 2pm today is the big meeting. All v tense and uncomfortable at work today. The boy and I managed to arrive at exactly the same time so walked into the office one after the other. That wasn't embarrassing at all...

Ooooh not long then, wow...

Sponge, hoping you have good news today here too.

Fuck. Have to contact XH. He's taking DCs away next week and I've started packing for them (I know it's a week away but I have nothing better to do). Anyway, just realised he never returned their toiletry bag from the last time he took them away. So I have two choices - email him and say he has to return it or purchase new stuff for them. Or go buy them new stuff myself. Fucking pissed off as this is just the lastest in a long line of things that have gone missing while in his possesion!

then you email him and calmly ask for it back - or ask if he would like to pack that part him self and give him a list of what needs to be in it - then tell him you need to know by lunchtime tomorrow.

Then say something about, ' to stop this happening in the future, please let me know if you would rather i didnt pack things, and you kept things for them to use at your house, or, if you would like me to continue packing for them, please ensure all items are returned with the children' and again, give him a time scale to respond.

it doesnt have to be hard.