For VSM

[Evansmum]

Hope you are OK. Just sending you positive thoughts - you are an amazing woman and mother!

I would think that would be standard Twinkie .

You lot are so funny!!! Yes, Twinkie - the gun man (owns a gun club). I do find them don't I??? Forgotten about him! Not sure I even have his number still - sorry!!! Cattle prod could be good though!

Eeeeeek! The social services have called this morning (or rather the local domestic violence team). They are coming next week (it's going to be a HUGE week next week) to talk to me. It has brought back the severity of the situation. If I don't think about it too much it's fine and I can cope really quite well.

They want to talk to myself and my son (with my permission). How ahould I prepare him? Should I prepare him? I don't want him to think it's acceptable by ignoring it but then again I don't want it to be a vivid memory. Help!

They also said they will contacting our health visitor as well as my sons school.... I can't hide from this can I???

Why today?

Sounds like you're doing really well, vsm!

I wouldn't prepare your son for the talk with ss though: you might be accused of coaching him. The social worker will be trained in getting the info out of him with minimum upset and you can always talk to him about it afterwards. Have you asked if you can talk to someone about the pros and cons/ins and outs of it all before they come to see your son though? Might help.

At least you really are getting somwewhere and things seem to be moving quickly.

I haven't asked SP, but ironically I was thinking about it last night (BEFORE) they called this morning! I must have sent out vibes or something..

I think you're probably right in that I shouldn't say anything at all first. I just don't want him being upset. He's had enough crap already and he doesn't need anymore. As you also said though they will be trained to talk to him, I'm just not sure it will be beneficial to either of us.

VSM, you are being amazing.

Actually, so are a lot of other people on this thread.

Happy new year!

AR$E!!!!!!!

He's just called me and asked me I'm doing tonight, I asked why he wanted to know. He then asked if he could spend it with me. Can you believe that????? I said "excuse me??" he then went on to say about an offer on a hotel thet we've stayed at and did 'we' want to go!!!!!

He is delusional!!! I swear he is!!!!

It was a long argument anyway and I said many times that 'we' were no more but he didn't seem to acknowledge it. He went on to say that he is trying to make an effort now before he called me a few choice names I add. Apparently this is all my fault and I neglected our marriage so I brought it on myself. He said he will be moving back in after the 2 weeks are up. I said he wouldn't be. He insisted he was so I reminded him that I could stop him coming back legally if he wanted to insist. So I'm now threatening him and being unreasonable. Argh!!!!!!!! He said that there is no way on this earth I can stop him living in HIS house. Injuction here I go then.. I so didn't want this.

I've invited him along to the relate session that I have for next week though so we can talk through this rather than argue. He has accepted. I pointed out though that this was to talk over things and not to try and patch things up.

Sorry for going on but I need to share it. Feel better now. Thanks.

VSM, he's finally realising just what he has behaved like I think, and that you are no longer going to put up with it, and he is now the scared one. You are amazing, carry onwards and upwards my girl!

What a total ARSE!! You've tried your very best to keep things calm and civilised and he still accuses you of being unreasonable. An injunction sounds like a good idea. He wanted to spend NYE with you as though nothing has happened??? I take it back. He's not an arse - he's a DERANGED ARSE!!!

Ladies you are all amazing. Am also having a rubbish life, just keep chugging away in the hope it will get better. Good luck to us all in 2004.
Nutcracker - child support is 15% of net income for 1 child. It goes up for more kids, but not 15% per child. Agree alohappyxmas - the CSA helpline are very helpful. Unless your partner is violent or something you cannot get him out of the house, like if its your joint home. you can ask him to go but you cannot change the locks. Well you can but they can get legal action onto you. I should know I've been living with my ex2b for 9 months and he's not moving and neither am I. Its very difficult. But keep your cool. And find a good solicitor.

Just popped in to wish you a Happy New Year VSM. Think deranged arse sums him up perfectly. Does sound like he's now scared as he's just beginning to realise that you are totally serious about this and will stand up to him. You've become so strong over the last few weeks that you must seem like a very different woman to him at the moment. Reckon he's going to start panicking very, very shortly. Bullies are never very strong when people stand up to them as you're doing.

I wish you all the very very best for 2004.

VSM, haven't posted here before but have read your thread as things have progressed. You are doing so well and being so strong - you go, girl!

Just wanted to say: 2004, new year, new start, the whole of the rest of your life starts here. You are amazing, so chin up, and stick to your guns.

Take care

You're doing great, VSM! Keep singing that Sugababes song...

The weird thing is, Warty, that I do actually find myself humming it!

Now, should I be cross with my sister for asking h out new years eve because she felt sorry for him? I do feel cross. Okay so she doesn't and wont know the details but even so... she said he seems to think that it's not actually over though and he really wants to try and sort out our problems... I give up!

Clairabele - I didn't receive any positive messages from you, did you get my email address?

Could do with some. Thanks. xx

VSM - I haven't been around much to see your Christmas postings etc, but you sound so incredibly strong and determined - well done.
Thinking of you...
Mo2
xxx

Thanks Mohoho2!

Good news on the sister front. She called earlier to apologise (it was quite obvious that I wasn't overly happy) and she offered to make up for it!

Thanks Sobernow too!!

I do feel like I've got myself back together a little.

VSM, I have been following this thread, and the one before, and your language is oh so much more +ve now.

I think you should preempt what you think he will do, ie try to move back in. I hope you are having more good days than bad, Monday "normality" kicks in as kids go back to school, so it should get a bit easier.

Well done for what you have done so far, and keep going

Do you think your AH (Ar$ey H as opposed to Dear H ) pulled his charm act on your sister and came over all hurt and abandoned?

How are you doing, VSM? (Now stands for Very Strong Mum! )

Pretty good today actually Roscoe! Thanks for asking.

I haven't even heard from AH (I like that!) since our arguement on new years eve - which is actually a relief. Mind you since he actually told me that he wishes we'd never had the children perhaps he wont bother! I wish he would just disappear! The only thing I DON'T regret is having our children - they are my world.

I really DO miss having someone there, but it is just that - someone NOT him. I'm going to have to start liking my own compaany I guess!

VSM xx (like that new name too roscoe!)