For VSM

[Evansmum]

Hope you are OK. Just sending you positive thoughts - you are an amazing woman and mother!

Things might get a bit easier when you get the access arrangements sorted out later on. Don't worry about a temporary loss of PMA. No-one could be positive all the time.

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Hi Twinkie (et all!),

Thanks for your kind message. You have not been a crap friend - just a busy one. You have HUGE problems of your own and I know you probably needed time out from everything else as I'm sure you will over the next few weeks.

I HAVE come a long way, I really do feel it. A couple of months ago I couldn't even confront him about it and now I've been able to tell him what I really think (well within reason!!).

I am almost ready to tell my parents that we are having problems. It still worries me very much about their reaction and I'm not sure how I'll be when they reject me (and believe me they probably will), they may not be the best parents in the world but they are still my parents. Okay so If they're able to reject me just for not wanting to stay with my h then they are perhaps not worth knowing, but as I said they are my parents and I do love them for being just that - my parents.

I haven't done it on my own though Twinkie, I couldn't ever take all the credit. A couple of (other) fantastic people on here have been sending me some emails and of course all the support on here. If I have to thank anyone then it gets back to 3 special people who set this site up. I bet they never expected all this though. I have been able to talk more on here than I ever could do in real life, I suspect that may be true for a few of us at least.

I am not going to 'hobo' around, okay so I did, but it was only done as a short term thing and i think they saw it as an adventure rather than was it was - keeping safe.

I so didn't choose this life, who would? I never intended for any of this to happen, especially to me. I don't think I'm particulary different to anyone else on here. I'm just another Mum - like you all. I've just made some bad choices and I'm not intending to make anymore. I'm still sad, quite a bit sometimes but I know this will only get better if I keep this going - MY life.

Okay I am fully aware that I'm not 'there' but in my mind I am. I don't want to live my life as it was. I don't want to be scared of my own husband. I don't want my children to be scared of their own father. I want to live my life to make ME happy and of course MY childrens.

In a couple of days it will be a brand new year and I intend to be a brand new (and better) person by the end of it.... right said it now and I can't go back.

Me xx

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You are my inspiration VSM - I am seriously considering askng dp to leave but need to sort a few things out first. Especially money as i don't work and have no idea how much benefit i'd get for me and 3 kids ?? I know money isn't the most important hing but i do have to eat and pay bills don't I.

Thank you all & Twinkie - de ja vu from your post post to me (without the proud bit).

Of course, if I can help anyone else I would - we can cry together if nothing else!

That should have been FIRST post obviously!

Hey VSM, glad to hear you are feeling so positive. Twinkie said it all!

I agree with Twinkie. We're all proud of you. I'm looking forward to the day you have to change your name to Veryhappymum. xxx

Nutcracker, DSS and Inland Revenue both have websites now, and helplines, you can contact them and find out how much you would get as a single parent
Child benefit is about £20 a month extra I think as a SP
Also, council can advise you on housing benefit and on council tax payments as a single parent on benefit
Some of the larger CAB's have specialist advisors who can work all this out for you, get application packages, sort out emergency payments etc etc
Be prepared is all

VSM - you are bloody fantastic! How did the family do go today - it was today, yes?

The family thing was okay. Thank for asking.

He turned up at mine nearly 2 hrs before it was due to start though - WITHOUT warning. He was meant to meet me there.. He only left here (came back after - we went in my car) about 9.30 - talk about dragging it out!! Charmer to a tee though again, except I see right through it. He actually irritates me now!

You see before your PMA you would have fell for the charming side of him........hello by-the -way!!

Heeelllooooooooo!!! and you're right I would have. Stupid me that I was then.

Not stupid, but to give the ar$$ one compliment, he's very clever...it takes years to beat the confidence out of someone - it is lovely watching it come back though!

He is clever. That does still worry me. I don't know what he's up to iykwim. He's not just going to let me move on is he?

If you stick to your guns, he will leave you alone...eventually. I suppose it is like a child, you have to say it, keep on saying it and meaning it, and then they get the message.

broken record approach will work wonders VSM
As will beating him with a cattle prod

I can point you in the direction of a good website to buy stun guns vsm.

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Remember, the solicitors will soon be open again. Once you've seen someone and got the ball moving he will have another very useful reality check! Christmas and New Year are the worst times to be on your own, esp in this situation. But tomorrow a new year starts and so does a whole new life for you and yours. Wonderful!
Nutcracker, call the CSA. If you know what your partner earns they can tell you pretty much immediately what he will have to pay you in child support. There is a straightforward formula, for one child he would have to pay, I think, 25% of his salary, and that goes up if you have more children. A call can be done anonymously if you like - they are very easy to talk to - or you could go on their website (Child Support Agency). I'd recommend a call. Directory Inquiries will have the number or get it off the net. Good luck.
If you aren't married you are not entitled to things like a share of his pension. Do you own the house/own it jointly? If he owns it on his own the normal thing is that he keeps it and you have no rights, but recently some new judgements in court have made that less draconian so it's definitely worth getting advice from a solicitor who specialises in property in divorce/separation. Most solicitors offer 15minutes free consultation.
Good luck!

Twinkie, I wasn't quite thinking of that extreme ! More along the lines of those ones that send you crashing to the floor unable to move after being elctrocuted! Far more civilised .

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