Dh and ahem the bedroom.........

[wednesdaygirl]

Dh is having probs with keeping it hard

We have been together nearly 18yrs, on saturday we were just getting it together when it went floppy, i carried on kissing him but he had lost it

Since then he gets worried he will lose it then he does

We normally have sex at least once a day (maybe ive worn him out)

Does this happen to other men? He did this once before a few years ago and the more he thinks about it the longer it goes on for

Ive told him to chill out and forget about it but he said he cant stop thinking about it

18 yrs...at least once a day

You just took the words out of my mouth Flojo!!!!

18 years, once a day!!!
Yes, you have worn it out!

Sorry, no serious advice, just in awe of your libido!

That is a regular sex life you have got there. he does need to chill out and obsessing about it will not help. I would say it is only problem if it is a reoccuring event.

Sorry not at all helpful with your plight, just impressed.

So ive worn the chap out

Has this happened to anyone else tho

We are a close always holding hands etc when were out just feel for him, he says he feels like a failure

This is almost certainly a psychological problem at present; yes, all men suffer the odd failure, and if they can shrug it off it's not an issue. But if he's brooding on it, it's more likely to happen again, a self-fulfilling prophecy if you like.

He should take himself off to the docs for an MoT to make sure there's no physical cause, of course.

Oldladyknowslots thank you will suggest it but u know men with doctors

Yes, I know. [rolleyes]

Would there be any medical reason (heart condition etc) he should avoid Viagra, Cialis or similar? Because just using that once can be enough of a confidence-booster to restore normal service.

(They would be horrifically expensive if used daily, though!)

It is not just once a day, it is at least once a day for 18 years.

How about give sex a wee break to let him, ahem, build up a good head of steam and see how it goes, in my most unmedical opinion.

What blueshoes says! At least once a day...

A break

I am actually going on my first ever girly weekend this weekend so will be away for 2 days and a night

Will cope

Not going down the blue pill route just yet, just need to jolly him along i guess

Wow respect to you OP thought I was doing well with 3/4 times a week! Anyway back to your message, ive had the same problem a couple of times, usually it's attributed to stress either at work or close friend/ family member illness best thing is not to stress about it easier said than done . Carry on as usual, if it becomes a regular prob then you may need to look at getting medical advice. It happens and medical intervention isn't always required x

I thought stress or something on his mind but he says not

Sometimes tho stress just builds up but i will encourage him to see the gp if it carries on x

Poor man the only time this happened in our house was when Dh was ill. So a trip to the doc is in order. Not that we do it once a day, thats not normal thats what I told my Dh anyway and I'm sticking to it and don't tell him it is I'm too tired for daily sex.

Wednesday you lucky, lucky girl, ask him can you share him with us? .

How old/fat/beery is he? Does he snore at night?

He should have a physical check up to make sure there is no furring of the pipes, IYKWIM.
Because furring of these smaller pipes means there is furring in the heart, so it is definitely a symptom to be aware of.

I'd second him going for a check-up. Erectile dysfunction can be an early-warning for various health problems and it could be that he needs to make some lifestyle changes in order to correct the problem. Stress can also be a factor, of course, and feeling obliged to perform daily may not be helping. Maybe go for quality rather than quantity?

My dh had the same problem and it was a psychological problem with him. Everytime we went to have sex he was paranoid it would go down, then of course it did. I think the more your dh thinks about the more it's going to happen unfortunately :( it may be worth to take a trip to the docs

He should get a checkup to make sure there are no mechanical issues. For his worries, I've heard that instigating intimacy for a while that is expressly not allowed to end in sex can help (he gets a few rounds of other touching/cuddling/alternatives, which will help him regain confidence, and then he can try for sex when he's feeling confident).

This happens with dh - he smokes, he didn't exercise so was overweight and getting more so as time went on, our respective jobs mean that he works days and I work nights, so very little time spent together etc etc...

It's been going on since 2005, so seven years now of working around it IYSWIM. He's been to the dr (after quite a lot of persuasion) a couple of times; discovered he has high blood pressure and a mildly enlarged prostate, but the main cause is that he is getting older.

It may be that you both have to change and go for quality, rather than quantity (so to speak).

And even more ... lol

He absolutely should NOT go to the Doctors yet, and you absolutely should NOT suggest it. One failure (the rest can be put down to anxiety, entirely understandable) does not make a problem in the same way that one sneeze doesn't mean you've got the flu. I'd suggest once a day at this stage while lovely is unusual. The problem is that once you get into that habit it puts a lot of pressure on him to keep going, if he needs to slow down to every other night or whatever he's probably worried that you'll take that as rejection etc, which puts on more pressure, which means you end up with the problem getting worse - it's a vicious circle.

I'd slow things down, have a headache occasionally or whatever to let him off the hook gently, and you'll probably find everything gets back to normal.

If you suggest the Doctor at this stage it will terrify him and put more pressure on, but the doctor will tell you to come back when the problem has been going on for a few months, not a few days. And men hate going to the Doc about this stuff anyway.

Good luck.