The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

Welcome purple and good morning to you all- Is it hump of the week yet?

help it's either happy hump day, or peak of the week. You're getting your wires crossed there. So, happy hump day to you, my lovely

Only two days left this week and we break up for half term. God, it's been a long one, I am ready for that break.

Have a lovely day babes x

Thank you for your kind words everyone, it really helps.

Guggs I'm still here! And, yes, it did take a lot of courage to to to Dr's but, by then I was more scared of the consequences if I didn't go.

I read further up the thread that someone didn't want 'problem drinker' on their medical records. That's been my dread for ages but, at this point, I haven't been in trouble with the police, SS or hospitalised due to alcohol - but I know it's just a matter of time. I like the 'lift theory' and I want to get off now!

Scary I haven't yet got an appointment from Alcohol Services. TBH they were a bit slow last time I was referred there. I'll give it two weeks then get the Doc to give them a nudge - I think they are VERY busy. The place itself is really not very nice - but it won't stop me going.

I ended up not even liking the taste of wine - but still drinking the stuff. I wouldn't be able to breathe in the aroma or I would feel ill/gag. I'm a reasonably bright woman fighting to not drink something I didn't even like! Madness, pure madness.

Thanks for the seat, I like this bus!

Shouldi, when I have been drinking heavily and stop I do get panic symptoms, particularly on an evening and in bed. I expect mild withdrawal or adjustment as you say, I usually find it settles in a few days xx

Well done purple. I understand the madness, doing something you don't want to inspite of yourself. I don't think being bright really comes into it, accept to give you some insight and add to the self loathing perhaps! I'm sure some regular bus riders will be along with some words of advice and encouragement.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Welcome Purple - I've not caught up properly as I was on the night shift with Nemo (my DS with Sn who you will get to hear all about. Lots! ) but wanted to make sure I said hi.

Will be back later. Busy morning and afternoon, be Brave Babes xx

Thanks Mouse and thank, too, Green - yes, it was a huge relief to tell someone the truth. I haven't been able to tell anyone else about my excessive drinking because I am so ashamed. (Looked such a state after sobbing for 20mins that I had to practically run back through the waiting room!). I went to a different (male) Dr's a year ago. He was very sympathetic but was a bit too 'namby pamby'. The (female) Dr on Friday looked me straight in the eye and told me if I carried on drinking the way I was, I was running a very high risk of losing my driving licence and possibly my children. I needed some straight talking - even though I knew those things already. How do your panic attacks manifest themselves? I'm worried about the arrhythmia but it hasn't yet gone away (day6).

Just got back from the supermarket. Avoided the wine aisle and bought myself some lovely, healthy food instead.

WeLl done honey, I think you should phone the GP about any withdrawal symptoms you are having if you haven't discussed them already or you are worried they should be going away and aren't. Glad you have found a good GP to talk to

Ta green! I'll phone the Dr tomorrow as it will be day 7 (if I make it through the rest of the day without 'slipping'). As I understand it, alcohol takes about 3 days to leave the system. Anybody else heard that? No other noticeable symptoms (if this is a symptom?) so feeling relieved.

Eie - not many people around this afternoon, I'm sure you'll get a lot more responses this evening from people who can give you some ggood advice. You can get through today without slipping, remember the doctors appointment, the sobbing, why you want to do this. Commit to not drinking just for today, worry about tomorrow tomorrow. Keep posting on here is you feel yourself slipping later. Phone the doctor now or NHS direct if you are worried these symptoms might cause you to drink again, if they can put your mind at rest you may be able to just ride it out. Keep going sweetheart x

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Eie - IME it took about 4/5 days for me to feel better once I'd stopped pickling myself from the inside out. Sleep has never been a gift for me thanks to Nemo but that was the one thing I did notice. Sleep was easier, more settled and more even.

The other benefits I noticed was brighter, clearer skin eventually, shiny hair, longer nails, I lost weight, I felt like I had more energy, less aggression too. I seemed to have more time for everything.....

Nemo and I have been out to see a friend this morning and then off to get his new shoes that don't fit sorted at the hospital. I was in there for all of five whole minutes.........

Been a long day and I feel sickly again. I think I'm just exhausted but my blood sugar is all other the place too! I need to look after me I think, I've done two night shifts with the poorly little chap and I have gotten stuck in bed both nights.

Oh well, he has told me he loves me today and signed it too

Be back later if I get chance, keep going Eie

Greeny - you holding out okay? Things okay with you?

How's everyone else getting on?

Mouse, those moments make up for so much, I hope you manage to get more sleep tonight. I'm fine see this AM post if you missed it re MH background, I've been here before and come out the other side, I will again just don't want to rely on alcohol to get me through. Wine witch is calling autumnal evening equals red wine and fire on in my mind, need to take the red wine out of the picture, will try pjs and movie instead :) good luck all babes this evening xx

hi allnemo signed I love you? what a clever little chap he is. Tell him his Auntie Demented is very proud.
Well it turns out that DD2s "shin splints" are in fact a disc pressing on the sciatic nerve! No dancing allowed. Bit of a bugger for someone studying musical theatre. Not sure where we go from here....she is beyond exhausted anyway without this. two hour commute to college either end of the day, beginning at 6am is taking its toll. Might be going to see a room in a flat on Monday that we MIGHT be able to afford. at elast over the winter. Means we can't put any away for fees though so could come very unstuck in the New year when we can't pay the fees we should have saved up for because we were paying accommodation instead.
DH phoned to say that one of the kids in the unit sexually assaulted a 14 year old girl and said if she told he would come back and rape her. He is 13! DH has spent all day with the police and CPU and report has gone to the fiscal rather than the childrens panel, so it looks serious. Kid is back in the house tonight until a place can be found at secure, so DH is very apprehensive that things are going to blow! This kid has already assaulted DH twice .....we have our issues, he and I, but I don't envy him his job.
and, before anyone who is the mother of a young girl gets all irate (as I did), this 13 year old would-be rapist still sleeps with a nightlight on because he is afraid of the dark. He is afraid of the dark because that's when "they" came to his bedroom when he was a little boy.......Jesus! and so it goes on....

It's heartbreaking isn't it ma. I don't envy your dh either but thank goodness there are people like him willing to do that job. He must be a very patient and calm man (at least at work). Does his stress come out at home?

I was on a course about emotional literacy in children and the course leader explained it like this. She tells children in her care that they only hurt others because there is a hurt in them. If you don't have a hurt, you can't give it someone else. A simple but true statement.

Those poor children, all struggling and trying to make sense of the shit that happened to them

Hope everyone is ok this evening. Give a shout if you're wobbling x

purple welcome and well done on talking to your GP, it must have been hard, but the first step has been made!

ma och lassie (am already in holiday mood!) 1 glass of wine in 2 days is so much better than it could have been!

okay, drum roll... SIX WEEKS !! I've done 6 weeks!

mouse said >>The other benefits I noticed was brighter, clearer skin eventually, shiny hair, longer nails, I lost weight, I felt like I had more energy, less aggression too. I seemed to have more time for everything.....

oh really Still waiting! Almost the only benefits I've noticed have been psychological. But thats better than no benefits at all....

Dog is at my mum's (we went for a pub-lunch, and I noticed with interest that they had several low-alcohol wines, that seems to be a new thing, I wish more places did that - but I didn't have any)

Suitcases are packed and weighed (I knew that Wii Fit board would come in useful for something) and shampoos have been decanted into mini-bottles. Am a nervous wreck checking and double-checking everything.

I promise (Geralds Honour?) not to have anything on the plane, but am wobbling a little about afterwards - going to visit DB and wife and kids... I kind of want to have a drink, what with it being a holiday and all, but don't want to end up drinking EVERY night.

WeLl done AJ on 6 weeks and sounds like you have your trip all in hand, why not take the trip odaat as far as drinking is concerned rather than worrying about it all now. Ma sounds like one hell of a day, hope your DH is okay. purple you still here? Hope you are okay. Night night brave babes, I'm tucked up in bed in clean PJs with hair washed and nails done, had a really long and lovely bath with ds earlier which I wouldn't have done if there was a glass of wine waiting for me. Xx

Joey have a fab time! xx

{{{isinde}}}

joey massive congratulations to you, what an achievement! Six weeks. It must have been quite a haul for you but looking back now, it seems to have gone so quickly!

I bet you don't regret a single one of those not drinking days. I bet any cravings or 'natterings' you had from the wine witch are just a distant memory. They hold absolutely no power over you now. Once they are in the past, it's almost like they didn't exist?

Of course, today is a new day and you cannot be sure what will happen. Just remember that if you don't drink, this too will become a distant memory. All the things that you are anxious about can be tackled the same way. One day at a time, one minute at a time, if need be and then it will be behind you.

Hope you have a lovely holiday. Drinking? Well, if you do and it triggers a binge, or you can't stop again very easily, are you prepared to deal with all that. I know you said you can't see any real improvements but I bet if you drink, you will feel much worse and come to realise that, actually, not drinking was making you happier, healthier and calmer.

Sometimes, the changes are so small we don't really notice them, but they are often the ones that will last.

Anyway, well done, my lovely. We will all be with you in spirit (ha ha) even if you can't get online. Remember all our strategies, HALT, The Drill, ODAAT, plan your not drinking, see the film through to the end, etc.

Much love x

SAF How are you doing?

Isinde
So was left up on own and then felt sorry for myslef and angry with myself

It sounds like you recognise the triggers, and you had the lonely angry and tired. Definitely reasonable triggers, how can we help you avoid them tonight?

ma isinde this sounds like a familiar theme, our DPs having stress in their lives, which they bring home and take it out on us, and it triggers an urge to drink (although my DH has an easy life compared to your guys, but I suspect he's going through male menopause or something)

Is there some way of anticipating it and heading it off?

purple are you still with us?

mouse how are you doing today?

well hoots we're awa', nae back till Monday. One Day At A Time.

joey

After a long, long, long time I had some wine .

Facing a very sad thing in family and tbh every single nerve in my body was screaming to get hammered. I cared not fuck about me, or anything else. I only had a couple of glasses because from the first sip it was clear that there was no oblivion that could stop the hurt and sadness, and that open and honest emotions will be a better way of healing, in the longer term.

So I'm now being very, very careful - because my experience of this in the past is that having a drink re-triggers some of the feeling of desire. And that would be a bigger tragedy in the grand scheme of things.

Brave babes, stay strong. Those couples of glasses of wine tasted horrible. And now in addition to my sadness I've given myself a bit of an uphill battle not to give in again. It is really so not worth it. xx

Venus, so sorry to hear you are going through such sadness, keeping you in my thoughts.