The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

oh venus what's up? Want to talk about it? so sorry things are bad. Is DD ok?
Sending you a hug across the chilly Forth.
indie that was yesterday. how are you today my friend?

Venus you are in my thoughts this evening. Stay strong, take care of yourself x

How are you venus?
Can't remember if you're AA, can you share about it? Or if you've never been go now and say what's happened and what you hoped would happen. Sounds like you hit the fuck it button and it didn't work.

Oh [venus], I'm sorry you sound so very sad, [isinde] :( hope you managed to get back on the bus and feel better today. [Purple] well done brave babe! I am feeling neither brave or babe like today more like a slovernly slob. Wine, fags and half a pound of cheese. Really struggling with MH yesterday afternoon went for default medicine, wine. Wine witch told me I derserved to have another couple of glasses as I'd had a couple of nights off this week. Fell asleep on the floor with the dog

hi all ((venus)) check your pms sweet.

just checking in as it's been a while.

doing ok here, bit bored but start work in three weeks time so best make the most of it. think i will do a bit more decorating before i start this job - have found the right shade for halls and stairway so can crack on with that as something to do. last day at school for ds today (happy holidays thurso ) so i have a week of the joys of 24hr parenting to come, must think of some little things to do.

been doing ok with the not drinking - still making the decision consciously each day and holding onto that when urges come. what helps is thinking of how much good there is to come if i keep at it - my life really has been improving and i have faith it will continue to if i keep sober and keep in the day and carry on with my programme. the little things that i'm working at in my attitude and behaviour etc make a lot of difference and i couldn't keep them up if i was drinking and going into that foggy, messy state.

anyway i'm waffling for want of anything to say. waves and good wishes to all brave babes x

i was meant to be going away this weekend but have had to cancel as i could feel that i would have ended up drinking. it's a shame but i have to put my sobriety first.

De-lurking to send you my thoughts Venus. Am so sorry that times are very tough for you right now. Please accept a small (()) from me.

Yes, still here and still sober. (Sorry if earlier post confused anyone - a friend (who temporarily has no internet access) was logged on to MN and I didn't realise it wasn't me! Doh!)

Venus Really feeling for you. Family pain floors me, it's so tough to cope with. I have no useful words of advice apart from don't give up giving up. (( ))

Mouse Hope you're feeling better. How lovely that Nemo signed that he loved you - precious. Thanks for your support, too.

Alias 6 weeks is ENORMOUS! Well done! I can only dream of six weeks....

Green Thank you for looking out for me, it makes a difference.

I got through the night before last OK -as soon as 8pm passed (the shop closes then) I knew I was 'safe'. Yesterday I had a pre-arranged lunch date with a friend. Went to Witherspoons but felt strong (but not smug). I usually manage 2 glasses of wine with 'lunch out' and was, in fact, loathed to go anywhere that didn't serve alcohol in the past. Anyway, yesterday I was really resolute and had diet Pepsi instead. Enjoyed the meal just the same and didn't miss the booze.

4pm yesterday was DS1 and DS2's parent's evening. Really pleased with their reports, both doing really well. Walked out of the school and there she was, the Wine Witch, whispering in my ear. I tried to figure what the trigger was and worked out that a) it's the end of half term (holidays, yeah!) and b) thought I deserved a reward because the boys doing well at school is all my efforts (as well as theirs!) because my ex does f**k all to help them with school work. Well done me! I deserve wine! But....I didn't get any, despite the fact I have to drive right past the shop.

So, on day 8 now and feeling OK. I don't want to get complacent because I've been there before and the saying 'pride comes before a fall' was right. So, I've promised myself that three things are going to be different this time. Firstly, I'm not attempting to get back to 'social' drinking - it doesn't work for me. Secondly, I'm not going to tell myself I've cracked it - I'm going to spend forever working on it. And thirdly (and most importantly for me) is if...if...I do slip off the Bus I will go back and ask for help again straight away. A bit like when you're on a diet and you have a packet of biscuits - you just have to keep trying. I'm not going to let pride or shame get in the way this time.

I got my Alcohol Services appointment through - 5th November, sort of looking forward to it and sort of not.

Hope all the Babes are well. Happy holidays/weekend.

unable to stay away from the bus, have bought akindle fire, excuse typos am getting used to it. venus love you did so well to stop after only two glasses. big hugs to you and your family.

ps. it is snowing in aberdeen

Oh, FFS! I've done it again! The above message is from meeee! PurpleWolfe.

Off to lie in a darkened room - anyone would think I was inebriated! (I'm not, BTW!)

Not sure if I'm looking forward to a bit of peace without the children this weekend or dreading being on my own - a bit of both I think. We've had a great day out at a country park. Afterwards I spent the money I would have wasted on wine on juice/tea and cake at a little cafe instead. Skin's looking better and house is tidier.

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Saf - that decision can't have been an easy one to make after arranging to go but well done (without sounding patronising I hope ) for recognising the trigger/s or risks before they happened IYSWIM?

Joey - well done on 6 weeks!! That's ace!

venus - I have no words of wisdom, you've been on this Bus long enough to know that we're all here for you no matter what. I hope you're okay sweetheart. xx

IsinDe - Trouble is that I never get this story until after the row caused by crabby behaviour and then I feel like a shit for challenging when if I had known....

That's what I'm like too. I keep it all bottled up and then get all snappy at Dh when he asks what's up. Your DP's job is one I watched many a time when Nemo was in various hospitals. Having to advise a parent that they need to let their child die or similar is truly horrific and will put immense pressure on her, and then of course you too. I'm sorry that you went through that with her and she didn't tell you sooner.

Life is cruel and utterly shite at times.

Obrigada - good to see you [smile}

So PurpleWolfe are you Eie too?

If anyone needs a little pick me up, then please read on.................

This morning I'd gone for a shower. DH was on Nemo duty and all was well until I heard "Mamma Bear, I need you help, HELP Mamma Bear!!"........... i thought hmm, this is a different 'I need help' to the Postman Pat is stuck in the DVD kind so I got out of the shower, towelled up and came down to find......................................................

Nemo had locked DH in the kitchen because he was making far too much noise whilst Nemo was trying to watch CBeebies!

I should explain that we have no door handle on this door, just a slide bolt that is really stiff to use so I was amazed that he managed to do it in the first place.

I let DH out and asked what had happened, luckily I was here but we're going to get a joiner in and get the doors sorted asap! It could have been worse, I know but I had to applaud his genius to shut the noise up!

DH said he tried to call me, two things... a) my phone refuses to shower and b) it was on silent from last night still.

Anyway, I need to go deal with said boy who is beyond tired and being very wearing on my frazzled nerves. Thank Jeff it's the end of term, having to be with Nemo in preschool for 7/8 weeks? has been hard tbh. It's been a loooooooooong term. I'm exhausted and going to put my Jammies on now...

Try to pop back later lovely babes xxxx

Lol, no mouse. My friend was logged onto MN on my computer 'cept I didn't realise! What a dummy! Hope you are warm and relaxed in you jammies by now.

'your' !

Thinking of you Venus such strength to stop at two, sure that I wouldn't have been able to.

Isinde thank you for your words too, that meant so much to me. So big taffeta rustling hugs to you, hope you and all babes have a safe and warm, bloody freezing here, weekend. xx

Mouse at Nemo locking DH in the kitchen!

Venus I'm so sorry to hear that - your words of wisdom on this bus have many times sustained and inspired me. I wish I had some words of wisdom to offer back to you, but I don't, sadly. I've often thought that if something truly tragic happened then I'd have to stop drinking immediately, as otherwise that urge to blot out the pain would overtake me completely and I'd be a raging alcoholic within weeks. When pain is that acute, I don't think that drinking is going to touch it, tbh.

Go nemo come round here and lock my dh up would you?

You OK today green? Hope your day has been better - and if you do have to sleep with the dog - let him/her sleep on your bed instead - you'll get a bad back sleeping on the floor! ((())

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Ma - He's on the train as I type

He's finally, finally asleep.

It would have been so easy to get wasted tonight, I've no idea why but I left the preschool craving getting absolutely fucking shite faced and wanting to block the last term out.

My craving was definitely halT and just sheer exhaustion after another long night with Nemo and then the lock in incident this morning.

So, it's Friday night, how are we all doing? I managed to kick the craving to the kerb and I'm off to bed soon, with clean PJs, clean bedding, clean me and DH is happy watching Have I Got News For You, which is fine but I'm too tired to try and get the jokes.

We're away this weekend and I have a loooooooong journey ahead of me, so need to make sure that I am on top of my medication and have plenty of cushions in the car. So I think I'm going to bed as I can feel my meds kicking in.

I hope you are all okay tonight, stay Brave Babes, night. xxxx

on holidays and still sober, even tho dh tried to persuade me to have a drink!! keeping busy with my new kindle has really helped.

hope everyone is safe and well tonight, venus, am thinking of you

Feeling really low today. The DC's are at their Dad's until Sunday evening and it's unlikely that I'll see anyone until then (everyone is either married smugs, happily partnered up or busy with family life/RL). I'm really not good in the cold weather (I get Raynaud's Syndrome) so, at the moment, getting out of bed seems too much like hard work. I've been doing so well, why do I feel so down?

On day 9 now and although I look less tired, despite eating healthily, I've only lost 1lb! Added to that, I don't seem to have any energy at all. Would have like to see a bit more on the benefit side of this struggle. :(

Had the bright idea of re-joining the gym (I WANT TO GO NOW, TODAY!) but the gym I was a member of (which I could go to today but is a 24 month contract) isn't as good for the same money as another gym - where I have to book an induction/assessment etc which will take forever (well, at least a week).

On the up side - had to go in the corner shop yesterday (for foil for my very healthy salmon salad) and the owner said he had got wine in especially for me (I complained two weeks ago 'cos all he had was Chardonnay - even I can't drink that!). He was offering me 2 bottles of Pino Grigio for £10. I smiled and said 'No thanks, Coke for me tonight'. Wasn't too difficult but I was feeling 'up' then.

Well done alias, I can only dream of being able to go on holiday and not drinking. Fireworks night is fast approaching - and that was always a good excuse to drink too much mulled wine.

Mouse Well done for resisting the craving. It's strange that you got that after pre-school had finished and I got it after school broke for half-term. Hmmm, trigger time. Have a good weekend.

Sadly signing off for now. :( Hope all the other Babes are doing well.

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Purple - You are bound to be up and down, especially with the DCs not around. When they're there, you have a routine as such so the next couple of days are be a bit odd I suppose?

Well done on the no thanks to the shopkeeper! That took guts.

I think you need to occupy yourself for the next two days. Why not go to the gym? Go swimming? Get yourself out for a walk (I have no idea what RS is so if that affects your outdoor ability, please excuse me, I will go look it up in a mo) in this glorious crisp (read frickin' freezing) weather.....

I think if you sit and dwell, you'll end up spiraling down the path of doom and end up in the clutches of the wine witch even though you really don't want to just now.

Read? Have you got a book that's been sitting there staring at you? I know I have! We're away to see friends this weekend, and we've planned to go take the dogs Seth (the Bus wolf) is in Kennels though as it;s too far for him to travel so we'll be walking our friend's dogs. The live in Ripon and its lovely at this time of year, very pretty.

Keep posting Purple, keep coming on and posting. Weekends tend to be quiet but I'll be around and other Babes do pop in to see what's occurring, so even if you feel like it's just you, get your thoughts down on screen, just get them out of your head so that you don't drive yourself to drink.

venus - how are you today, please just let us know that you are as okay as you can be xx

And you Saf - all okay?

So, what is everyone up to today and tomorrow? It's half term here but a week later to some places apparently? My sister's children were off last week.... I dunno, I can't keep up.

Last night was another hellish one with Nemo coughing his little lungs up. I WISH that there was something that I could give him to ease the rattle. Poor wee chap. He slept in between coughing and crying in his sleep.

Although he did wake up and rolled over to see me lay with him and said "Good morning Mamma bear, it's nice to see you," and then "Where is Daddy, is he hiding" and started to search the bed

No dear boy, not in this tiny single bed with me stuck in it!

DH has gone out for my meds, DD is packing, Nemo is watching CBeebies, and I'm busy.

Will try to pop back in over the weekend as we're not too far from the end of the thread.

Be brave! xx

Thanks Mouse.

If I'd still got a gym membership I would have gone today. The swimming pool is full of children at the weekend (yuck!) so 'proper' swimming is out as you keep 'clunking' small people on the head if you try and do lengths. Despite wanting to do something energetic TODAY, I have made an appointment for a call from the membership advisor to organise a tour/assessment for the coming week - so looking to the future. Still a bit worried about my heart, though. No appt for an ECG through yet.

Raynaud's is where your extremities (toes, fingers then feet and hands) go totally numb when they get cold. It's not really painful but it's not nice. Something to do with (hereditary) circulation problems.

Yes, I really should take the dog out but I'm really struggling to find the impetus to do anything at all. Feeling (and sounding!) pathetic just now.

Sorry to hear Nemo is having a hard time, too. Coping with sick children is difficult enough without having sleep deprivation into the bargain. Sending you wishes for a better night for both of you tonight.

Purple