The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

Are minor panic attacks normal?

I used to get them after I had a major car accident, and occasionally since then as I have health anxiety. But I have noticed that the last couple of evenings I had had symptoms, seemingly from nowhere.

Is it my body and mind sorting itself out with the alcohol?

Woke up at 7am this morning and was able to get up no problem, normally I am dragging myself out of bed at 8am and barely functioning. I dont get hangovers, but i didnt realise just how much it was affecting my ability to function normally!

it's funny, I "don't get hangovers" either but I suspect our poor bodies have just adapted to living with alcohol. I should warn you that after a few weeks sobriety, if you then go and have a drink you WILL get a real hangover!

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Well, we're at home today instead of at school. My back has completely given up the ghost, it's had enough! I'm too bad to take Nemo in and he's really bad today with his airway (tube blocking his nose, cough causing issues too) so he's nest off here where we can just veg all day and go out later for fresh air if it stops raining.

ShouldI - I think I remember mild anxiety attacks/thoughts when I first decided to stop drinking. It was the whole 'what? I can never drink again?' type stuff. Fear of the unknown if you like.

I was so used to my routine of it being wine/drink o'clock that when that was no longer the case, I was worried about what I'd do instead, how I'd feel about not drinking etc....

I think your head can play a huge part in making you feel panicky because you're talking yourself out of drinking if that makes sense? It's the change that bothered me.

Waking up like you did this morning is great isn't it?

Joey - oh yes, I remember those mornings...... yuk!

I'm a nervous wreck trying to make up my mind what to do with my dog and my mother...

and I used to be like this every day trying to decide if I should have a drink or not. Now thats one less thing to worry about!

Any chance of meeting mum outside somewhere? Park with a cafe? I always used to swap dogs at wisley, which has kiosks and dog space.
Re anxiety. It's a nightmare, and was a big part of my drinking. I know sometimes get it, it's invariably coffee induced.
Good resolve to all the BBs.

Well done kotinka- any plans for wine hour you'd like us to sabotage?

That looks snide- they're should be sn encouraging wink in there too!
Re dog swap? Sandwich and thermos in the car?

thank you babes for all your suggestions! the pub probably has a beer garden but I really think that's a bit bonkers for this time of year!

I think I'm going to just drive all the way over to mothers, it will be a long round trip but its better than worrying. We only once left the dog in the car before (and that was due to mother) for 90 minutes and when we got back he was shaking and trembling (presumably from fear? Abandoned?) We're already going to be leaving him for 5 days, I don't want to make it worse (am I being too silly and precious-doggy-woggy???)

I think this is what leads me to drink sometimes. And then, because its addictive, I carry on. And then, because I know I shouldn't, I get anxious. Which leads to more drinking.

The stress maybe only happens once or twice a month... if I only drank at those few times, it would be okay not so bad; but the slippery slope turns into a cliff-edge...

isinde ah lovely chocolate brownies...!

am so relieved about tomorrow - decided to just tell my mum I wasn't going to leave the dog in the car while we had lunch - made up my mind to just get it over with (without alcoholic inducements!! am pleased to say ). When I got home, she had already rung to ask if I was truly happy about the arrangement (as I hadn't sounded too sure) !!

So flag-waving all round, the dog is sorted, I didn't have a row with my mother, she proved she does actually have a sense of tact and all this managed without wine or prospect of wine.

Imagine if I'd bought the wine! It would have got drunk tonight despite the flags, and next thing you know I'd be buying up the duty-free.

mouse how are you doing lassie?

kotinka no words except thanks!

Hi all

Day 10 () today. Wine witch paid me a visit in Tesco earlier but I realised I was thirsty so I bought a litre bottle of water, drank half of it and the craving went away. Hurrah!

First counselling appointment is on Thursday, I'm really excited (seems like the wrong word!) to get the ball rolling.

Joey your anxiety sounds very similar to mine. When we were on the way to the party on Saturday my husband was whispering to me like I was a thoroughbred race horse or something because I was so anxious about getting there on time, getting the right present, not getting soaked, finding the right house, getting in the door, completely ridiculous stuff! I wasn't even anxious about the actual bloody party! I do find that envisaging the worst thing that could happen actually happening kind of takes the fear out of it. Particularly when the fear is irrational. Maybe doesn't work with flying! Although if you're anything like me you'll mostly be worrying about missing the plane rather than it crashing! Great that you were all geared up to tackle stuff head on with your Mum, that's definitely the best way.

ShouldI welcome.

Ma well done, how do you feel about tonight?

Koti send the wine witch packing, you don't need her around tonight

College tomorrow whoop whoop. Can't wait, despite the fact that some of it is really brain hurty stuff.

Off to finish my prep work and have a lovely dinner.

See you later!!

kotinka try this

Off to catch up with the thread. Back later x

I was doing OK. DH texted to see if I wanted wine and I said no. I have however had the one glass that was left over from Sunday! Why didn't I just chuck it out? However one glass in two nights is good.

11324.1
What a great place! Wish I'd found it sooner.

I have finally faced the truth that I have been fighting for years. I can never be a normal or social drinker. It's taken me a long painful journey to get here. My two final triggers were:

Severe arrhythmia of the heart (have EGC booked), I was/am convinced my drinking has damaged my heart (the doc says 'no')

and:

Watching a guy on "999 What's Your Emergency" This man called the paramedics because he had 'fallen off the wagon' and was in a terrible emotional, physical and alcoholic state. His slurred words of helplessness, lonliness, guilt, shame, pain and fear and his being 'sick of being sick' were exactly what I was feeling - right at that moment, in tears, with a glass of wine in my hand- in my bed because life was too tough to get up. The paramedics were kind, gentle and sympathetic. At the end of the programme, they re-interviewed this chap. He looked so much better - happy, smiling. He had been dry for 5 months and attributed it to the kindness and lack of harsh judgement he had been shown by the emergency services and the staff at the hospital. I woke up the next morning and made and emergency appointment with my doctor. I sat in her office that morning and, through lots of tears, was totally truthful (for the first time) and asked for her help. She was fantastic. Sympathetic, practical and realistic - just the approach I needed. I was drinking 2+ bottles a night and more at the weekend.

I came away with a repeat appointment with the doctor for two weeks time, a short term supply of sleeping pills, Campral and a referral to the Alcohol Services in my town.

I am now 5 days without alcohol. The sleeping tablets have helped enormously because, when I've tried to go without wine by myself before, the inability to sleep always put me on the 'back foot' for the next day/week and the 'f*k it moment creeps back in.

Today is good and I'm doing well but yesterday was full of stress, loneliness and tears. I had no-one to call and felt all alone in the world - couldn't even log on to here for some reason. I live miles from the nearest town but, unfortunately, we have a small local shop which sells wine. In just 2 minutes I can have a bottle of wine in my hand. I resisted but it was a real fight. Really useful to read that the 'urge' only lasts for a short time.

Thanks and sorry for long post.

purple five days is fantastic,bloody well done you. Can't remember the last time I did 5 days.
Hang in there and welcome to the bus.

Hello Purple and welcome to the bus

Well done on 5 days, that's a massive achievement. How did you get on with the Alcohol Services?

Hey ma

One glass in two days is good going. Much harder than nothing, actually. Keep that halo handy x

purple well done you have been very brave. I'm sure it took a lot of strength to contact your drs.
5 days is fantastic I really don't think that you are going to feel lonely again,bus load of friendly faces here.

Well done ma too.

I fell into the sidecar spectacularly last night, wonder woman knickers round my ankles. No booze tonight. Think my trigger was that I felt quite pleased with myself and had had a lovely day. Onwards and upwards- not drinking tomorrow.

morning all - up early to take DD2 for the 7am bus to Glasgow to get to college - anyone know of cheap accommodation in glasgow?
Guggs hope you feel ok today. The trigger of feeling good is a bastard isn't it? Lulls you into a false sense of security. Pull those knickers up, there's a dear, and sleep it off.
purple are you still with us? Don't know who is driving the bus today. Silver seems to be MIA. anyone seen her?

Morning brave babes, welcome purple and huge well done I can't imagine what a difficult step it is to go to your GP like that, hope it was a huge relief that it's now out there and you are getting help, I'm certain this bus will help too. Re anxiety, yes I have anxiety disorder, panic attacks and OCD been quite well for the last few years but now back with a vengeance. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD and have been taking stimulent meds which have kicked it all off, also think I was getting addicted to them so have packed them in. Drinking gives a temporary release and helps me sleep BUT it makes it much worse if I drink too much. Back on the bus babes, I will not drink today good luck today all xx