The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Turning Over Autumn Leaves In Search For Our Own Personal Sobriety

[Mouseface]

Hello, I'm mouse and my best friend used to be vodka. We were inseparable at the time, such fun! Wild nights out, wild nights in..... danger, excitement, strangers, not knowing where I was when I woke up, oh it was all so fantastic.....

Not the case for the last couple of years or so, since I found this Bus.

Now, we are practically strangers. Don't get me wrong, I still abuse alcohol and use it to self-medicate which completely defeats all of the work I've put in, trying to see my life through sober eyes but that's just how I do things......

Anyway, that's enough about me so why not come say hello to the others on the Bus, we're all at different stages of drinking, not drinking or complete abstinence (of the drinking kind!)

No-one on the Bus wears judgy pants, nylon bloomers, leopard skin thongs? Maybe...... I wouldn't like to ask to be honest! But we are all here for the very same reason, we can't (or don't want to) control our drinking like 'normal' people do.

If you'd like to see how this all started, why not have a look HERE and read about one of the most inspirational ladies you'll ever 'know'.

You can also follow the threads, one by one, by clicking on the links on each thread towards the end, leading to the next etc......

See you soon x

scary yes I'm almost scared to start drinking again, I don't know what effect it will have. I think that I will more likely get hangovers, because my body won't be used to tolerating it any more (and thats a good thing)

I agree with you - the Bus has also changed my thought processing!

Ahem. Evening all. That's day one done. Again.

Hi folks, slinking back into seat at back of bus. Have been so good since had disaster at wedding a month ago then did really well at wedding 3 weeks ago & not had a drink in 3 weeks. Was due to start with alcohol counsellor last Friday but they changed my appointment to this Friday. Went on a works night out last Friday & was talked into drinking. Started out well & stuck to vodka then got talked into sharing wine Then went to a club, very hazy, then went back to a random strangers flat & he had 2 friends also staying with him so put myself in really dodgy situation
Then had big family thing yesterday & cause I was still feeling rough decided I needed to have a few drinks to get through it & have now phoned in sick to work. My marriage is hanging my a thread & my poor dh is so hurt. Think I need to cut alcohol completely out of my life. Oh well taking my seat back on the bus & full of guilt & self-loathing. Hoping for miracles when I start counselling this week. Hope everyone else is managing in whatever way works for them

kotinka nearly 5 weeks! I would like to be able to enjoy a glass of wine 'normally' one day, but not sure when that will be. I'm currently working on breaking bad habits (that moment in Sainsburys when there were no pain au chocolats was a classic, and I managed, but it's not automatic yet) and working on better sleep.

I don't think I'll EVER be able to drink at my in-laws - there are too many pitfalls. It feels weird writing that down. Never. Ever.

clutter aww babe you are beating yourself up a lot. You strike me as someone who is teetering on the edge, and struggling with many things. You already have low self-esteem - if you are hard on yourself every time you have a drink then that's not going to help. Are you going to accept help from the counsellor on Friday? By that I mean, be honest as much as you can? I know you drink to hide from your emotions - I do wish I could give you a {hug}

Morning all
Just thought I would pop in and say hi.

Is bproud still about? Almost 2 years for you my friend!!!
Waves at all other brave babes old and new. Hugs mouse, demented, indie, JWN, and Venus.
Life is going At 100 miles a hour, although I am on a week off, so currently lying in bed with a coffee and a bagel. DD is next to me, after insisting on sleeping in my bed having insisted that she was old enough to watch "snakes on a plane" last night.

Life here is great, and I wouldn't change any of it, certainly not for a drink. Occasionally I get these weird impulses, that say a bottle of wine and a pack of cigarettes sounds like a fun idea, but I always play the film through to the end, and carry on with whatever I was doing.
Nights out no longer phase me, and in fact I love being able to leave whenever I want, they are ridiculously cheap, and I am yet to go on a night out where I have not had a really good time. Very few people know why I don't drink, the people that I have told, are just really proud and supportive.

I have slowly tapered off going to AA, not for any other reason than time. I am in training for a half marathon, so run 3 times a week, including 9am on a Saturday morning, which is great (especially when I consider how hellish Saturday mornings used to be).

My life is full to bursting of good things, been promoted (because actually I am functioning at 100% all the time). I am far less snappy and bad tempered with my children, kinder to myself. More honest with everyone (but most importantly myself). I have a much wider social circle, because of all of these things.

So - guys, please please, keep at it. Odaat, and just for today, because it is a wonderful great gift that you can give to yourself.

Off for a run, because it is actually not raining

Morning tis me, Mouse

Thanks Koti - I had a peek, very nice

Bafana - lovely to see you! I do often think of you and thanks for the hug. xx Life sounds wonderfully better for you than ever before! The change in YOU, in YOUR attitude to YOURSELF is awesome, well done you! You are a shining example as to why ODAAT works. You just have to bite the bullet and go for it.

Plan life away from alcohol, keep busy, learn to like yourself and then to love yourself for who you are, not for who you're expected to be. Great to hear from you xx

I had 43/5 minutes of abuse in one form or another from my mother when I called yesterday but like a good daughter, I took it on the chin.

My father emailed me and apologised for the way that she's spoken to me. Poor man, he suffers her for no reason I could imagine other than love. That or madness!

After a night of nursing a poorly Nemo (goes without saying at this time of year!!) I'm pooped. I've been back to the GP who is happy with the tweak in my meds a couple a weeks ago. He also snuck up on me with my flu jab ! He's lovely. I trust him and I hope that he doesn't retire anytime soon!!

So, we're off swimming soon, then a trip to pick DD's clothes up and home for lunch.

Happy Monday Brave Babes - Keep Going xxx

Thanks aliasjoey really appreciate hug & kind words. I just feel all over the place, and my dh is actually being so nice as he really loves me yet I can see he is hurting & struggling thinking of my actions on Friday night. I am definitely going to be 100% honest with the counsellor on Friday as do really want to change. I feel like a Jekyll and Hyde person & really sick of it not sure if by getting so drunk on Friday was a complete form of escapism as find my life with demanding teenager & toddler & stresses of mortgage & childcare sometimes too hard to cope with. Not making excuses as sure other people have these pressures and can manage to go out & come home at reasonable time. Know I maybe had a release in the short time but that's definitely worn off now

clutter It sounds like you are using alcohol to 'self-medicate' as you are so stressed out. I am not condoning its use, but it is understandable. Does your DH know why you are 'all over the place' ? If he sees that you are taking steps to help yourself, he will know how much you are trying.

I do know about using alcohol to 'numb' your emotions. However, if you stop or cut down, those emotions will still be there. Will you manage to deal with those? Who can you turn to for support? (apart from the Bus of course!)

I just don't know what to suggest because I'm not a mental health professional but I'm worried you're bottling it all up...

Clutter - My marriage is hanging by a thread & my poor dh is so hurt. Think I need to cut alcohol completely out of my life. Oh well taking my seat back on the bus & full of guilt & self-loathing. Hoping for miracles when I start counselling this week

You're not the first nor the last to do what you did on Friday but you won't do it again in a hurry going off your post. Yep, your DH will be hurt, maybe you have a tiny little voice in the back of your head wondering what it was you 'actually' did which is punishment in itself but stop with the self loathing now sweets.

Turn your guilt, embarrassment, anger and shame into getting off alcohol as a medication to whatever pain it is you're feeling the need to numb.

You've done it before and you KNOW YOU CAN do it again. You did great the last time. Go to your counselling session. Get the help that is out there. It will work, if you let it and if you let the people who are trained to untangle you, in.

Be honest. As honest as it takes otherwise there's just no point. You'd only be lying to yourself in the long run.......

Post here, as much as you like, even the most random stuff.... just let it out. Talk to your DH. AFAYK, nothing happened so stop with the guilt otherwise you're both going to start thinking that something did happen.

Take a step back and have a think about what you want out of the counselling. Other than to not feel like you do ever again, what is the goal? What day are you going?

For today, get through today. Put your Big Girl Pants on, pull them up and get on with making yourself feel better. Water, and shed loads of it, stodgy carbs, try and get some fruit inside you, some OJ too.

I'm sorry to read your posts, I can feel how upset you are about it but what's done is done, use it, remember it and learn from it. xx

Oh and here - {{{(((HUG)))}}} have huge hug.

Oh thanks Alias and Mouse really appreciate advice. Think I do maybe use alcohol to numb out real life. On Friday it was all good fun and lot's of laughs up to a point and then think I quite liked the attention I was getting off this younger guy but then it's one big haze, don't know how I ended up going back to his flat...did he ask? Did I invite myself like a complete lush?! At the time I can forget about money worries, stress at work, stress with the kids and I suppose for those brief moments it feels like before I had kids and no responsibilities, but must say when I woke in a strange flat at 7:20am on saturday morning all my responsibilities came crashing back and have now had days of not feeling great! I think my dh does kinda get why I'm all over the place, he desperately wants us to have another child and I'm actually off my pill and think my hormones are all the place and the alcohol when I'm drinking is affecting me quite badly....does that make sense? Sorry if sharing too much info I know that it's probably not a good idea to be ttc when all over the place or drinking alcohol when ttc. I also feel that with a teenage dd it may be a bit embarrassing to have another baby and that I feel too old (34) to be trying for 3rd but know if I don't then I'm only getting older iyswim? I just feel in constant turmoil, the 3 weeks I didn't drink I really felt great, started to feel like a depression was lifting and started sorting things I'd been meaning to get round to and felt a better mum.
Sorry this is a bit long and rambly.
Hope you had fun at swimming Mouse and your little boy enjoyed it

Oh also meant to say, first counselling session is this Friday, suppose I'm hoping for some help in either being able to go out and have a few drinks and not always being the one who makes a complete arse of themselves on nights out and is mortified or to then realise if I can't drink in moderation then to be able to abstain completely. and thank you for hugs, have also pulled up my big girl pants and told myself to get over Friday night, it's done, think my dh is getting over it so so should I!

hello - selfish post i'm afraid.

i got the job and am feeling a very lucky bunny. it is a huge, daunting, near terrifying project to take on and i hope they know what they're doing employing me to undertake it very flattering though and i'm aware of just how lucky i am to find an term time, fits with school job that is still challenging and exciting and proper 'career' type stuff.

feeling a bit stunned that they want me at the minute

expect a few wobbles and panics from me over the coming weeks - change is scary! i start in a month.

i would not be here if i was still drinking. no way on earth.

Congratulations SAF Amazing news and well done for getting somewhere you don't feel you would of got had you still been drinking

Many congratulations SAF. Change is scary, but exciting too. Have a and some .

thank you jwn - people keep saying ooh we'll have to celebrate and i say yes a nice celebratory cup of tea champagne days are gone. have to find new ways.

Great job SAF, you are so right - I could no way feel so confident about work if I was still drinking!
Bafana my comrade in arms! it is so lovely to hear fro you. You are right I think this weekend is my 2 year sober anniversary. I don't post much these days as I often don't quite know what to say, but it is still my source of strength and resolve. I have found the Jimmy saville news hard to deal with, and like Isindie have been travelling and staying alone in hotel rooms, but I always have the BBs like Guardian Angels on my shoulder and have stayed sober and steady.
love and hugs to all the babes, Bafana, close behind me in time, Mouse and Soma in particular. xx

Woop! Woop! Woop!

That is fab news Saf, a massive achievement to you and a credit to all your hard work. Well done x

"600 meetings a week in London! That just shows the scale of the problem eh?"

It doesn't even come close to TOUCHING the scale of the problem, sadly.

But, if you want it, it does show you the scale of one of the solutions.

that's fantastic saf ! Well done!