My DP smells

[Shinyshoes1]

He smells. He may bathe once a month sometimes he leaves it longer but it's never more than once a month.

I've told him that a bath won't hurt him once in a while but he doesn't listen . He must know he's filthy as he sits there picking filth from under his fingernails.

He's clean (ish) in other ways he brushes his teeth every morning , he doesn't do it at night though. He sprays deodorant in but funnily enough doesn't smell of BO he just smells of unwashed.

He's not depressed as he walks around singing a lot if the time.

I'm getting fed up now and spray deodorant in the living room when he goes to work just to get rid of the smell.

It just smells of unwashed and wind

What can I do ??

Tell him to wash!! Urgh, what a minger, he must stink! I hope you don't go down on him...?

If it was me I would tell him he either showers once a day or I'm gone. But then I can't stand smelly people.

Why are you living with someone who doesn't wash? Is this a new development, or has he always been like this?

That is rotten, my dp bathes every night and if we had a shower he would have one in the morning and then in the evening. I dont know how you share a house with him never mind a bed, that has put me off my breakfast!

He's being very disrespectful to you. He is also losing any intimacy that you would naturally expect and enjoy in a partnership.

I dumped a boyfriend for having non existent hygiene. I thought it so rude of him when I went to the trouble of being clean and looking nice and he wouldn't even wear socks or wash from one week to the next.

he had this "take me as I am, this is me" attitude.

Dumped! totally unacceptable.

I've only noticed it the past year or 2 he hasn't always been that way . He never bathed very regular but he'd never go this long .

We moved 8 months ago and the shower is still in the box waiting to be fitted.
He won't do it til we tile the bathroom which isn't going to be anytime soon as funds won't allow.

He finds baths boring

I don't think I could leave him just cos he doesnt bath. He's faultless in every other way and he's so hands on with the children

No shower isn't an excuse. He could at the very least have a wash in the sink once a day.

How much does it bother you? Do you still find him sexually attractive or does the stink put you off?

I don't understand why he doesn't want to be clean.

Neglecting personal hygiene is sometimes a sign of depression - does he seem otherwise OK?

Uhhg. So presumably you're washing bed linen & all his clothes daily then... Surely it would make financial sense for him to take a quick shower daily instead?

I could not share a bed with someone who did not wash. And the children will start to notice his whiff as they grow up - that would be excruciatingly embarrassing for them

If he's great in every other way, presumably he'll be understanding when you explain how much it upsets you?

Without touching and physical affection (not just sex, but hugs and kisses and touches) intimacy eventually withers on the vine. if my DH only bathed once a month I literally could not touch him.

oh and get the shower and tiles fixed pronto! it's not a luxury item!

No I don't change the bed linen daily

We don't have sex as we both have very low sex drives and no he's not depressed.

He has been in the past and we discussed this the other day. He said sometimes he had a low day but otherwise 99% of the time he feels great

I might have to bring it up again as it feels like I'm forever spraying febreeze and opening windows just to let fresh air in.

Doesn't sound like hints and chats are working.

Refusing to address personal hygiene when you are in a relationship is really unfair and anti social. Can't he see that it's unpleasant for you and the house and the family?

It's actually selfish.

Tell him the shower needs installing within 7 days then he can't use his bath excuse. It's time to get firm.

Anyway how can he say baths are boring? He only has to sit there, wash himself and get out. Doesn't convince me.

Eeewwww.

If he doesnt like baths go order a plumber NOW to fit the shower you have in a box!!

If he doesnt start showering tell him you are leaving because he is smelly!!

An adult who says that baths are boring?

We've got a wee wheel thingie and a couple of ducks - want me to post them to him?

Mmm, the only lgoical explanation is that his mood has slid. It's either that, or he's a small boy inside.

Do you need to cut his food, or present it in novel ways to get him to eat it?

Baths are boring - sheesh.

I'd google depression in men and ask him those questions the GP does. Slightest flag, get him assessed.

Ugghhh are you serious?! That is truly, utterly disgusting and sets a terrible example to your children about the importance of personal hygiene. IMVHO of course

Seriously though, just sit him down and be honest.
"look DP, I've noticed you are getting quite smelly. Could you start having a wash every day as its really putting me off you."

He could even go out and choose himself a nice shower gel that he really likes if that would encourage him?

There's no excuse at all. Either get the shower fitted or he starts having a little bath every day. It doesn't take much.

This is grim

You sleep in the same bed...how?

What about his colleagues? They must be opening windows too. Friends and family? What do others say?

OMG @ baths are boring..... Fair enough they're not filled with entertainment but I'm sure he can manage a daily 5 min splash.
It's just disgusting, not only what he must smell like but he's a health risk to himself as he's not regularly cleaning the bacteria from his body.
Personally I wouldn't let him sleep in my bed.
Good luck getting him to change his filthy habits.

I think I've sat next to him on a bus!
(boak)

Has he got a job or a social life? If so surely someone else has noticed. Sounds like he's either a total slob or can't bear to even consider his body. Is he over / under weight etc.. I know people who have been deeply depressed but covered it very well with bluster and bravado and cynicism. On the other hand he could just be an oik. Grim - it all sounds a bit depressed and lacking interest if there's no sex, you've only just noticed he stinks and tbh if my nsdp hadnt washed for that long I would be changing bed sheets / bed / nsdp daily. Why aren't you putting up a bigger fight on this. Its disrepctful to you and to himself.

For goodness sake. I get that people could occasionally miss a day of showering due to cantbearsedness but only washing once a month is horrible. How have you put up with it this far? Does he just not care about your opinion or how you feel about him?

I only ask if he has confidence issues as I knew a very similar situation. Eventually friends tried to say something and the chap involved was so stuck in his ways (overeating / no exercise / no job) that he just shut down and now he won't speak to us. He was a very good friend, always full of gusto but if you ever challenged any of his "ways" (which were gross) he went ballistic. Couldn't cope with the idea of risking a change I think.? xx

I wouldn't even be tactful, I would say: you have to wash, I'm not prepared to share a bed with you, have any contact with you, or do anything with you til you have had a bath. I would also point out that for the children, it's massively embarassing to have a father than stinks.

I do not understand how you can have let it get to the once a month stage, my husband showers once a day and if he whiffs sometimes (e.g. nervous or after travelling) I would tell him, and likewise I wouldn't dream of going more than a day without washing and then giving him a cuddle (or I'd say 'I'm having a shower in a minute).

This is almost unbelievable and your children will be picked on, what if their friends came around? Get it sorted, immediately.

The point of baths is not to thrill you, it's to get you clean . They don't have to be half-hour bubble soaks, does he get that? Has he been watching too many radox ads? Cleaning your teeth isn't a laugh a minute either, and yet he manages that.

That's a very valid point. Kids are evil. My friend's children had a load of abuse coming their way you could see it starting as soon as he took them to nursery. Other parents and staff more than kids. People make assumptions though, that you are generally a bit of a lout if you look like one (my nan would say rough) and therefore so are your kids and do you look after your kids? These assumptions may well be wrong, but people are nasty about stuff like that. Presumably you and dc wash plenty lots

Does he work? It can't be pleasent for work collegues - I imagine there are companies who would disapline someone for lack of hygeine.