My DP smells

[Shinyshoes1]

He smells. He may bathe once a month sometimes he leaves it longer but it's never more than once a month.

I've told him that a bath won't hurt him once in a while but he doesn't listen . He must know he's filthy as he sits there picking filth from under his fingernails.

He's clean (ish) in other ways he brushes his teeth every morning , he doesn't do it at night though. He sprays deodorant in but funnily enough doesn't smell of BO he just smells of unwashed.

He's not depressed as he walks around singing a lot if the time.

I'm getting fed up now and spray deodorant in the living room when he goes to work just to get rid of the smell.

It just smells of unwashed and wind

What can I do ??

You should really tell him! A man in my work had to be pulled in by our boss for smelling so bad. Surely it would be better coming from you?!

yes he works and as far as I know no-one at work has mentioned it if they had I would have thought he'd be mortified enough to sort it, he hasn't so I'm guessing nowt has been said.

I have strict bathdays for the children. Sunday, wednesday and Friday , me and the dc's are retty clean

How embarrassing for you and the dc

I have known several colleagues (all male it must be said) with hygiene problems, and I never complained either, I just held my breath in their presence, tried not to talk to them too much and stood half turned away from them when I had to. It'll be affecting his career, for sure.

Does he maybe come from some kind of old-fashioned non-washy family? Has he just not grasped that most people kind of do wash most days?

Is his job manual?

What does his hair look like?

If it is a minimum of one bath a month (or every longer) he must smell awful.

Believe me, his colleagues will have noticed that stale smell and the dirty fingernails, they just won't have the courage to say anything.

I can't believe you haven't tackled this up to now, or that he thinks this behaviour is normal.

I can't even believe you get into the same bed as him.

In fact, I can't believe this at all, I never heard of a person simply not washing.

And, I wouldn't say I'm a washing fanatic, once a day or every two days would be fine for me, less for the children as they are not sweaty adults, but weeks? Does he think we are in the Middle Ages?!

That is vile! I'm sorry but I'd be making him sleep on the sofa. Once a month is just hideous and I can't understand why anyone wouldn't want to be clean! I accept you have low sex drives but you seriously NEVER have sex?! Would that not put you off anyway him stinking? That makes my stomach turn.

TBH I wouldn't have married the guy if he didn't wash once a day. We don't have a shower and my DP has a manual job and he hates baths but he has one when he gets in without fail, and he knows he smells because I kindly tell him stinky, sweaty feet and morning sickness don't go well!

I'd give it to him straight, something along the lines of, look DP you say your not depressed but most people who have access to clean hot water, wash at least once a day. I do, and I make sure the kids are clean, now it's your turn. This is becoming a really big issue for me and I'm sure you'd rather me point this out to you because I love you and not have the embarrassment of someone in work/the kids friends/family telling you that this is an issue. Go have a quick bath and the next time we have a few quid spare we'll get the shower sorted as I know you prefer them to baths.

Would it be worth while going on a website like freecycle or freegle and asking if anyone has any tiles left over that they no longer need that you could have?

Not having a shower is no excuse. Can't you get on of those shower heads that fits onto the bath taps? They're pretty cheap. Tbh he could just have a stand up wash in the bath. I really couldn't live with a smelly man.

Just echoing what everyone else said - utterly revolting.

If I had a housemate like this I would ask them to move out, much less someone I was expected to share a bed with and be in public with. I would also find it completely unacceptable in the other parent of my child(ren) whether I was still in a relationship with them or not.

Also i agree with everyone saying people at work will notice. I used to work with a guy who rarely washed and when i was pregnant i litterally couldn't be near him which caused problems obviously. We had some big clients coming in one day and our boss had to tell him the night before to make sure he had a shower before coming into work that day and then asked me to get mens deoderant from tesco incase he didn't shower to mask the smell. It was very awkward for everyone. No one should be put in that position because of someone elses poor hygene!

You realise that the smell will cling to you and the DCs don't you? You probably don't notice but you will all whiff.

Erik I was thinking that too. And the Sofa/soft furnishings.

And fe Reece will be doing no good

*febreeze

It's non negotiable for people to have a bath or shower at least twice a week. The ideal is daily, but once a month is just not acceptable. Full stop. It goes against all social norms.

The only thing people will register about him is the stench.

He only baths ONCE A MONTH???????

Sorry, but that's REVOLTING.

Truly vile.

He goes to the toilet every day I presume?

Actually... I'm going to stop with that line of thought.

He is a MASSIVE MINGER

Incidentally - what do you get out of the relationship? No sex, a man who never washes and smells.... I think, for me, no amount of 'hands on' with the kids would make up for this.

So what are you going to do OP?

It just isn't excusable and acceptable. Dirty hair stinks, everyone he meets must think he's filthy!
This kind of thing will affect other people's perceptions of him and his prospects.
My friend was the daughter of a very heavy chain smoker and always stunk of smoke despite washing repeatedly and wearing perfume, people were mean to her at school and people will be mean to your kids when they smell that grimy musty smell that you are probably used to. If he isn't depressed then he's lazy and he needs to grow up and have a wash.

Why don't you but him a lovely thick towling bathrobe so that his bath will be less "boring" as he will be able to get out of the bath, put on the robe and do stuff while he is drying.

He sounds absolutely disgusting, seriously throw him the soap and hose him down. Smelling of fart and mouldy knob cheese is not gonna ignite any passion in the bedroom now is it?

I'm a very tactful person but I think in this instance you have to be absolutely blunt and direct with him, cruel to be kind and all that. It really is a health issue as much as it is a social one.

Perhaps he'd take it more seriously if you wrote it in a letter?

I think you need to say something like "I love you but your lack of hygiene is really REALLY offputting now, I've tried to be tactful but it obviously isn't working so I'm now asking you directly to bath more, please. I am constantly spraying round and opening windows because of how you smell and it's beyond a joke now, it's disgusting. This has got to stop. If you don't start to take care of yourself then I'm going to have to think seriously about ending this relationship because I can't live like this any more. I have no other reason to end it so please just sort this out"

Re work, I used to work with a guy who stank but I never said anything, too embarrassed . How can a colleague bring this up? Most of us just avoided getting too close!

I bet his colleagues are the same.