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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

weed smoking DP and fed up me

115 replies

broodyandpoor · 06/09/2012 20:03

DP has gone to his 'friend's house to smoke weed Sad Angry
Which means when he arrives we wont be having sex (as usual), or having a conversation and I can't hug him in bed because he will absolutely stink from his lungs out through to his mouth.

Last Night he got stoned with this friend too, I let this go but why does he have to go again tonight?

I was invited but its not my scene.

Tomorrow (our only day off together for a week) he will be flat/ tired/uninspired/lazy/grumpy.

Tonight he said to me do you mind if I go round Steve's tonight?
I was annoyed he asked me like I'm his mother or something but I said he can do as he wishes but eventually this will create a wedge between us and we will end up going our separate ways.

Before he left I said that I am going to uni, have lost a lot of weight am nourishing my life with positive people and healthy eating whereas he has left a teaching job to work in a minimum wage job, I told him that we will end up growing apart if he keeps making these choices, he told me that I am nasty and that I ruin all his nights out Sad

We went for dinner tonight because he was hungover from yesterdays antics he wasn't much company and moaned about how expensive the restaurant was, even though we were going halves on the meal, then when I attributed his flat feeling to his weed smoking yesterday, he told me I was being nasty, I told him it's just the law of cause and effect what goes up and all that, but he just thought I was blaming things and 'you can just feel flat randomly sometimes.'

Shit- every time he does this I resent him more and more.

Tonight he said I better hold on to this friend (the weed friend) because I dont have any others Confused

But he doesn't take up hobbies or do anything which socialises with others so he wont meet better friends if he spends all his spare time with gun toting druggies Angry

If you got through that- thank you I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 08/09/2012 22:25

It's over ?

Hallelujah

ArtVandelay · 08/09/2012 22:41

I'm not feeling like you are needing to apologise. ((hugs)) and keep posting for support if this is going to be a difficult time. I've not lived in the UK for a while but I'm sure lots of other people can give advice on practical stuff if you break up and I'll just wave pom-poms at you and shout GO BROODY!

Mellower · 08/09/2012 22:50

I am assuming he has no inclination to stop?

He is wasting his life (and yours) smoking weed constantly and living in a haze.

I used to smok weed, it wasn't until I stopped I realised I was living in a haze bubble and had a non existant life!

I would give him an ultimatum - stop smoking weed or I'm off. It's difficult at first to stop because you are so used to doing "nothing" but when/if he stopped he would see a whole new life ahead of him.

Best of luck!

Mellower · 08/09/2012 22:53

Sorry Op just read your latest post!

Give him another list.

2/4 pages of:

Please stop smoking weed you are ruining your life, not to mention your health!

openerofjars · 08/09/2012 22:54

No, don't give him an ultimatum, just go! This is your chance! Run free!

Inertia · 08/09/2012 22:57

I don't fully know the backstory here, though i think i recall the food thread. But what this looks like is a man on the way down, trying to drag you under with him. You have fantastic prospects, but he is trying to stop you succeeding. He knows that once you get to uni, the scales will fall from your eyes and you will see the world open up for you.

He will then have to find someone else to provide a nice house, food and cleaning services - or sort out his own shit, which he doesn't fancy doing.

suburbophobe · 08/09/2012 23:52

He sounds very manipulative - "you make me depressed" etc. It's just a form of control.

I can only reiterate what everyone else is saying and that is that you have a wonderful life ahead of you - without this man.

And even if he stopped smoking the weed, he'd most likely still be the same.

I know lots of people who smoke and hold down jobs and clean the bathroom (regularly).

broodyandpoor · 27/09/2012 01:43

Dear all, I have finally finished it decided to work through my feelings first then do it, he was calm, I was calm and i feel relieved.
thanks for all your wise words over this year i feel better already x

OP posts:
Offred · 27/09/2012 06:45

Smile you'll be so much happier in the long run. Smile

Doha · 27/09/2012 09:29

Oh well done
Grin

you have the rest of your life to look forward to without this lump of deadwood hanging around you neck.

I wouldn't be surprised tho if he comes crawling back in a week or so.

karelomen · 08/10/2012 08:07

Thanks, I am broody name changed cant be bothered to change it back... any way I am really struggling.
I was tempted out of my relationship by a push in the form of a friend making his feelings clear.
I didnt cheat on dp, I ended it the a couple of days later had first kiss with this new man.
I am feeling so disrupted and unhappy by the situation.
I have made dp so unhappy, really hurt him I cant look myself in the mirror, I just wish Iwas happy again.
I felt a bit of the rails at first and just wanted to lose myself but now I see the apin in dps eyes and it makes me feel so bad.
new man is all in love with me and I love him too, but it's too much

Offred · 08/10/2012 08:11

Oo yes jumping straight from one to the other is not a good plan. Do you think you could stay away from xdp if you weren't with the new man? Obviously xdp is going to be upset the relationship has ended, he has lost more than a gf, he's lost a slave too. Ultimately I kind of think "pain in his eyes" so what? What does that actually change? Does it make him treat you better? No, it is manipulation to get you to come back.

karelomen · 24/10/2012 19:59

Bit of an update Im happy now, slowly slowly with new boy friend and am living in my house alone playing loud music and writing again

Offred · 24/10/2012 20:07

Very glad to hear it!

deste · 24/10/2012 20:49

Well done you.

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