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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

weed smoking DP and fed up me

115 replies

broodyandpoor · 06/09/2012 20:03

DP has gone to his 'friend's house to smoke weed Sad Angry
Which means when he arrives we wont be having sex (as usual), or having a conversation and I can't hug him in bed because he will absolutely stink from his lungs out through to his mouth.

Last Night he got stoned with this friend too, I let this go but why does he have to go again tonight?

I was invited but its not my scene.

Tomorrow (our only day off together for a week) he will be flat/ tired/uninspired/lazy/grumpy.

Tonight he said to me do you mind if I go round Steve's tonight?
I was annoyed he asked me like I'm his mother or something but I said he can do as he wishes but eventually this will create a wedge between us and we will end up going our separate ways.

Before he left I said that I am going to uni, have lost a lot of weight am nourishing my life with positive people and healthy eating whereas he has left a teaching job to work in a minimum wage job, I told him that we will end up growing apart if he keeps making these choices, he told me that I am nasty and that I ruin all his nights out Sad

We went for dinner tonight because he was hungover from yesterdays antics he wasn't much company and moaned about how expensive the restaurant was, even though we were going halves on the meal, then when I attributed his flat feeling to his weed smoking yesterday, he told me I was being nasty, I told him it's just the law of cause and effect what goes up and all that, but he just thought I was blaming things and 'you can just feel flat randomly sometimes.'

Shit- every time he does this I resent him more and more.

Tonight he said I better hold on to this friend (the weed friend) because I dont have any others Confused

But he doesn't take up hobbies or do anything which socialises with others so he wont meet better friends if he spends all his spare time with gun toting druggies Angry

If you got through that- thank you I just needed to vent.

OP posts:
ArtVandelay · 06/09/2012 21:07

Okay, so are you hoping to continue nannying while you are at Uni? If you are that will help with money although I think you should get a different job because if your employers would interfere with you leaving your relationship then they are nutters and want kicking out of the counsellors guild or whatever. Your house is rented. Maybe your landlord will sell it out from under you anyway, then you are still with this chap but also scrabbling around for another rental. Not still thinking of having kids with him? Really? Other men have sperm, honestly :)

He's a middleaged man, he's not your responsibility. He should feel guilty if anyone! But I bet he doesn't :(

broodyandpoor · 06/09/2012 21:48

Thank you Art and every one, the CSA take 100 out of his wages each month and he has expressed no interest in meeting his now 21 year old son.
I know he's not my responsibility, I need to make it clear that I cant sick around for this nonsense any longer if it carries on like this.

One day Ill actually leave Sad

OP posts:
fivegomadindorset · 06/09/2012 21:50

And you are with him because?

Chubfuddler · 06/09/2012 21:52

How about tomorrow? He sounds awful.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2012 21:55

you really should just simply dump this useless tosser

one day you will do it

make it soon, and for gods sake do it before you get pg by this manchild

Headagainstwall · 06/09/2012 21:57

This isn't the guy who eats loads of eggs is it? Sorry if I've mixed you up with someone else!

broodyandpoor · 06/09/2012 21:58

AF you have already told me to do this a long time ago when I was under a different name, I need to I know it's just so difficult

OP posts:
Offred · 06/09/2012 22:00

Why is it difficult?

broodyandpoor · 06/09/2012 22:01

It just feels so unnatural to rock the boat and disrupt my life in such a way

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 06/09/2012 22:02

yes, why is it difficult?

I don't see how you even like him any more

he has no redeeming features that make it worth clinging onto him

stop wasting your life, love

Offred · 06/09/2012 22:03

But at the moment your boat is already rocky. You are putting yourself entirely in his hands.

AnyFucker · 06/09/2012 22:05

un-natural ?

no, it is entirely sensible

he is a useless waster who is stealing your youth

when you are old, you will look back on this section of your life with utter regret

at least stop throwing more good time after bad

it doesn't make sense to keep on keeping on, just because you have so far

there are no medals for long service here

broodyandpoor · 06/09/2012 22:05

I know, I want to stay and I don't know how Id make him go?

OP posts:
Offred · 06/09/2012 22:06

I'd say you're more frightened of stopping the rocking. That's understandable surely if you're being shaken up and spun about all the time what do you hold onto? The one who's doing the shaking because absolutely nothing else is clear.

Headagainstwall · 06/09/2012 22:06

If this is the egg guy: ah man, I can't believe you're still going thru this. Well, I can, it took me years too, I just don't want to believe it!

The reasons you are giving for not going through with the break-up are not strong enough. The house is just a house. You probably won't lose your job.

When I left my loser (also foreign, also older than me) someone said something to me which is kinda ridiculous but worked for me: it's not ballroom dancing, you don't have to find someone to take over. I had been feeling so guilty about leaving him, worried about him, feeling responsible for him. But he's not your responsibility. And anyway, who's looking after you?

He's always going to be like this. You are missing out on so much. Better houses. Better blokes.

Offred · 06/09/2012 22:07

There are other houses and if it is rented the landlord could take it back anyway. Surely that is really just and excuse.

jkklpu · 06/09/2012 22:08

dump him and don't tell the counsellors - none of their business
don't let liking a house be an obstacle to dumping the loser

AnyFucker · 06/09/2012 22:08

better sex

broodyandpoor · 06/09/2012 22:10

Thanks yes he is egg guy.
I think because we are such a co-dependant couple, like friends.
we barely have sex any more it's just not satisfying Sad

OP posts:
Chubfuddler · 06/09/2012 22:11

Dear god not the egg guy. You can't still be with him?

LEAVE NOW

AnyFucker · 06/09/2012 22:11

how old are you, OP ?

Offred · 06/09/2012 22:12

Seriously I don't know why you don't just pick up your stuff, leave and not even look back at what happens to him. Likely he may even be better off without you enabling his idiotic behaviour anyway surely?

Offred · 06/09/2012 22:13

what is the egg story?

AnyFucker · 06/09/2012 22:15

how many more threads, under more names, about the same situation will you be willing to post, love ?

how many times will we have to tell you to leave ?

can you put a tariff on it, so that you could at least have something to aim for ?

otherwise you will waste all your youth with this useless fuckwit, and we will get tired of telling you the same ole same ole stuff that you will not listen to

what is the point ?

a little rant, then back to your crap relationship, see you in a couple of months ?

it's really not working for you...walk away

AnyFucker · 06/09/2012 22:16

offy, you don't wanna know

your imagination would not overegg it though

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