I need some advice about what to do. Three weeks ago i decided i couldn't have contact with my x anymore. Seeing him was tearing me apart. The final straw was when he rang constantly throughout the night to tell me how much he missed me. At first i'd put the phone down and tell him to ring his girlfriend not me. In the end i fell for it and started to listen. He told me what a legend i was, remembered wonderful things we did together. It opened up a healing wound. He said please babe come and see me, you can stay the night, we'll put our kids to bed, and then have a drink and a chat. I told him that i couldn't handle seeing him as a friend, if i got on with him i wouldn't want to leave, and it woild take all my strength to hold myself back from kissing him. To that he said it doesn't matter just come.He told me that he hardly saw his girlfriend it had only been a month it was nothing serious. I couldn't resist it, my heart lifted, and i thought thank god this nightmare is over. I went on the train with my heart beating for joy. I thought finally the man i love has seen sense and gone back to his old self.
I got to his flat there were candles everywhere a hairdryer plugged in, flowers, a make up bag, her post, her art work.......... I felt like vomiting, i screamed what the hell are you trying to do to me, i didn't want to see this. He said what were you expecting to happen, i asked you to come here so you could see where our boys would be sleeping. I started to shake shouted a bit and left. It was the final straw i got on the train home and had a panic attack. Then i went numb. All i could imagine was them together doing what we used to do. A week later i went on anti-depressants. They didn't agree with me so i stopped. He'd done it finally i was going to have my nervous break down.
My family found out about the state of me and took over. I didn't know what i was doing anymore, i'd stopped feeling. They rang him up and said if you want to see the kids you will have to meet them at our house. They changed my telephone no. The immense relief that i gained really brought me back to life. I haven't spoken to him for three weeks. I haven't been called a victim, a whore,lazy.......He would constantly tell me that i loved that he had gone because i could act like a martr and attention seek. I do nothing with my life except watch the kids and i was pathetic for going nowhere, while he is doing a degree.
Anyway he didn't get in touch with my parents so my gorgeous calm kind father rang up and said are you going to see the kids when do you want to, we need to know when to be in because its christmas. He told my dad to go f**k himself. He will not be dictated to by anyone. He will not be seeing them until i stop being stupid and ring him. He said there no way on this earth you are going to call the shots. Nobody has told him when or for how long he can see them. Thats up to him i would never stop him. I just don't want to see him as i nearly lost my mind. He has said that he will ring back, we've all ruined it, hes getting a solicitor, and things are going to change. Im scared, what can he achieve???????
Thankyou to anyone who has managed to read to the end of this without falling asleep sorry its so long, and sorry for repeating some stuff if you know it already. Thanks