Ok. Prepare for a long, rambling post.
I'll come out and say it: I'm a 27 year old bloke and I have completely lost my sex-drive.
I've been with my partner (the same age as me) for 7 years. We've lived together 5. We're not married and we don't have children (nor do we intend to).
I've never had a high sex drive. I had a couple of sexual partners before my current partner and being quite young, we'd often have sex every time we met up. When I met my current partner, we lived in different cities and would usually meet up once or twice a week, stay together for two nights and have sex several times in the week.
When we moved in together, things became slower (this also coincided with both of us finishing University and also starting full-time work and evening study), but we'd have sex at least once a week.
In the last couple of years, our sex life has slowed right down insofar as it is almost non-existent. We average sex about once every three months although do other sexual things occasionally. It can often go a month or six weeks without any sexual contact.
I've never really considered it a big deal; it's something we openly talk about and she claims to have a low sex drive too. Although it isn't a big deal at all, it has almost become one (for me, at least) as I've realised it is probably quite abnormal and to me it's become somewhat an elephant in the room.
I've read a few posts, looked at a few websites and talked to a few friends. Most of my (coupled) friends have reported a slowdown in their late 20s, especially after being with the same partner for a few years. However, none of them have slowed down to our extent - most still have sex one a week or so!
I should say I have never cheated on my partner and nor would I ever do so. I'm 99% sure she has not cheated on me.
Neither of us is unduly stressed. We both have good jobs and earn excellent money which, when combined with no kids means a huge disposable income - more than we know what to do with. Every month plenty gets chucked into savings and we've built quite a nest egg - no money worries at all. We enjoy a good life, we go out, socialise, have plenty of friends each, and enjoy exotic holidays.
There is plenty of love. We cuddle, we kiss, bath togehter by candlelight, we tell each other every day that we love each other. She's my best friend as well as my girlfriend and I truly love her.
In fact, apart from the no sex thing, we're a perfectly normal couple!
So, what is causing my (or our?) lack of sex drive? I've read several advice websites, and my causes seem to be:
- I work 55-60 hour weeks, over 6 days. I'm young, I can take it. I don't feel particularly tired although I often do lack energy in the evenings and weekends.
- Because of the above, I'm out of the house by 7.30am and don't return until 7.30pm; she is out from 6.30am to 7pm. By the time we're back home, we're ravenously hungry (for food, sadly!) so by the time we've cooked and eaten it's always nearly 9pm. By that point I'm either too tired to even contemplate sex (the thought just tires me out!).
She has to be up very early, so no morning sex!
However, even on holiday, or if we manage to have a day or week off together, we rarely have sex.
- I do watch some porn. Not as much as I used to (I don't have time!), but I still have the usual male urges and a quick one off the wrist before work is a lot quicker and easier than a sex session. She knows I masturbate, I know she does... it's not a problem and we're completely honest with each other!
- I still find my girlfriend pretty, but I won't deny that I am sexually attracted to other girls and often meet other girls that I find (physically) more attractive. I'd never, ever, do anything about it, but I without being too blunt from a purely sexual point of view I know sexier, slimmer girls. If I'm out with friends I'm often approached by 'sexier' girls and if I were single I'd have no hesitation about sleeping with them. That urge is still there, then!
So, what can be done to reignite it? I'm looking for some frank advice. As we don't have kids, we don't need to 'get away', as we've tried that and the above applies even if we're on holiday.
Apart from the sex, we have a great and very close, loving relationship. I don't want to throw it all away as the no sex has not really been a big deal until very recently, when I've realised it is probably something that needs addressing in some way.
Appreciate any advice :)