not really an aibu more wwyd/wwythink? -d-h and dm

[tinky19]

Stopping with parents. I went to bed h stays up with m. Just went down to find m draped over h. Both jump. M pulls dress down (it was up round her thighs). Wtf?
H says nothing happened?!

tinky hope you're ok

How're you doing tinky?

Thinking of you Tinky

Hi. Thanks for all.your good wishes.
Had it out as much as pos with h this morning who said he was drunk and nit sure why they ended up like that but nothing happened.
M couldnt look me in the eye! No other of explanation. Poor ddad was just upset as we were off with dc. I ignored both of thm. Prob v obv that smthing was up by the time we left.
Im now at holiday cottage. Daft but i actually feel i have more control here than at home. And its big enough to have seperate rooms!
H admitted tonight thatvthey got too close but nothing happened. So not sure what to do or feel now.
I know this will sound unfair but im so angry with h but im fucking livid eith m!

tinky, I'm so sorry. :( I hope that you're ok and that you can find some time and space to think through how you want to respond to what has happened. You will get a lit of good advice and support I'm here if you need it.

It is understandable, the last person you expect to betray you is your own mother. Deal with your DH first, don't put all the blame in your mother though, a lot of married people get drunk without that meaning they end up in an uncomfortable situation with another person.

How is h, is he already showing some clear signs of regret? Please make sure you take this oportunity to make him well aware that he shouldn't take you for granted.

H is running round after me lke im a queen but its just making me irritated. I'm so cross with them even if it was at worst a drunkard weird moment it shouldnt have happened.
I keep thinking even if i can wirk through this with h, how can we do the whole stopping over thing again. What about my poor ddad.

Wow I don't envy you trying to sort that one out Tinky. I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation. I hope you manage to work things out though whatever you decide to do.

Wow I don't envy you trying to sort that one out Tinky. I honestly don't know what I'd do in your situation. I hope you manage to work things out though whatever you decide to do.

Let him run after you, he has contributed to break something very precious: The trust you had on him and that you had on your mum.
Don't worry about the whole thing about stopping over there for the time being, you will need to clear your mind, sort your h, sort your mum, and talk to your dad before that can happen again. So it is quite a while for that, concentrate on your marriage for the time being.

If dad rings you, then you can start working on that front but for the time being is your marriage that is important.

tinky been thinking about you all day. Hope you are coping ok, it's an awful situation.

At least your h has acknowledged it was wrong.

I understand how m's actions seem worse. She's your mum ffs and should be ashamed.

Take your time in thinking what to do next. Fwiw worth I would tell your d if you think he will be supportive.

Is your DM usually narcissistic and competitive? She is just as much to blame here as your DH. Outrageous behaviour. I hope you can get your head round it.

I second talking to your dad about what you saw. He should be aware that two marriages are at stake here and why you are acting like you are towards DH and DM.

Hi Tinky. You do sound much more in control and well done for how you've kept it together so far.

I think you are right - the idea of staying over again is an issue that will have to be dealt with, but I agree that you shouldn't have to deal with everything right now.

If hope your DH is being properly contrite and not just goin through the motions - he should seriously consider his drinking if he loses control and judgment like that.

I don't see why you should keep this from your dad, when the time is right you should talk to him.

Obviously they both know that they were completely out of order (at the very least) and massively inappropriate. But whether that's good enough is up to you and for you to consider in your own time.

Hope you and the DC benefit from the change of scene.

*I hope

H admitted tonight thatvthey got too close but nothing happened Enough happened that they were on top of each other and her clothes were all hoiked up.

Personally I would be asking for a shed load of clarification on what he means by they got too close? Too close? Texting, flirting, kissing, emotional affair? What exactly does he mean by too close?

I think this is one of the things I could not recover from. If he had got too close to someone from work or even a friend and was totally repentant I would maybe just be able to work it through.

But a family member? My own mother?!?!?

Sorry I wouldn't be able to kiss him or anything else without gagging for the rest of the relationship.

And she doesn't even have the decency to deal with you! Vile just vile.

I hope you sort this out.

They should both be apologising & grovelling to the OP imo.

I don´t think that I could forgive either of them tbh.

The fact that it happened at all would be way too much enough for me.

How awful - nothing else to add but just how awful.

But something did happen!! They crossed a line that should ever be crossed!!

Does your dad actually know the details of what you saw?

glad you feel more in control. Take things at your pace and on your terms xx

I agree with every single word Xales said.

I wouldn't want anything more to do with either of them, and I would be telling my dad all about my "mother" so he couldn't be made a fool of.

Sorry I wouldn't be able to kiss him or anything else without gagging for the rest of the relationship

Well put, that's how I'd feel.
This has changed everything. Forever.

Tinky, I am beyond amazed and disgusted at your mothers and husbands behaviour. If she was straddling him (not sure if thats what you mean by she was draped over him) and she had to adjust her dress back down, are you sure no penetration occured/possibly happened, in that, do you think you may need him to get tested for any STD's?
Perhaps mention that to him that if you contract any STD's you know who's to blame, and the way he reacts may show you if something did indeed happen, as it is commonly known that a cheaters first defence is deny, deny, deny, then admit but only something minor, then eventually admit something serious did indeed happen, so it worries me that he denied, then admitted it did get 'too close'

.....I am so so sorry this has happened, has your mother done this with any of your previous boyfriends/partners? It seems like an almost competitive thing, as if she is jealous of you and your youth, so she sees it as "she wins" if she manages to seduce your partner....is she much older than you/DH or is there only a small age gap?
She does sound like she has some mental health issues that perhaps she needs to address, cracking onto your daughters DH is NOT normal. The fact that your DH did not immediately recoil in disgust and horror is a big worry, has he admitted he has an interest/attraction to your mother? the big question is: IS this the FIRST time this ever happened, or is something that they have done before when you are at their house?

Good luck sorting it all out, are you going to see a counsellor when you get back home?

Tinky sounds like you are being very strong.

I can totally understand that you are more livid with your mum. She's your mum for god's sake, they are supposed to nurture and protect us. Her behaviour is inexcusable. Its just so weird to not be able to trust your own mum with your DH (weird for you not weird of you), it goes against the natural order of things. That is not to say that your DH's actions were not completely and utterly TERRIBLE.

Both your DH and your DM have crossed a line--an extreme line that should never have been in view. For a mother to betray her daughter like that is totally unforgivable and even if you can't work things out with your DH ( and for me my relationship with him would be over ) you should be considering if you want her in your life at all. I feel sorry for your Dad for having her as his wife and you for having a slag for a mother.

The fact that he went downstairs again OP was indeed him and her getting their story straight after all they will only admit what you saw and you cannt prove.