Gone with the condiments

[LouP19]

Evening all,... Thank you to whoever came up with this lovely shiney new thread title!!

As for Fedora, well I looked and it certainly wasn't her I saw in the picture!! He did go to Italy though, I saw pictures on his camera of the Bay of Naples, and also a few video clips of boat trips. And that's when I saw one single picture of a young blonde who he called 'Fedora'. 'I took a picture of her as she's very attractive and I wanted to remember what she looked like'. Jeez, I had a bit of a go, but I left that one because I couldn't be arsed to have an argument. This was about 4 days before he left.

Anyway, onto other things. Had one of these evenings where I can't stop my brain from whirling over details from the last few months. Times when I believed him because it meant an easier life. Believing him meant not being called 'paranoid' or insecure' or told to 'grow up'. Believing him meant some peaceful times on my own, not having to put up with him stomping about, resenting the fact that he was here. Believing him the time he claimed he got a 4 1/2 hour train back from London one evening in November when he smelt of aftershave.

Arrrggghhh! I know there's nothing I can do to stop this churning, but I am SO annoyed at myself. There were signs, but I just hoped things would get better. He always complained of being under pressure at work, so I had faith that he was trying his best.

Am so tempted to contact his boss and let him know what he's being doing under the 'guise' of work. Obviously, I wouldn't do it, but it is so tempting,......

Need to remember revenge is a life well lived blah blah!!

Oh, Lou, that's a very natural response. God knows how you make that decision for real, but you know you'll do what's best for you.

After 4 or 5 threads OTBT would be much the best place for you to post, really. There is plenty of like minded support on hand. And it keeps the bad advice away from Relationships where others in need of support might see it.

Lou, I think you and math have the right handle on the text. Definitely too much 'me, me, me' as a distraction technique.

It does sound as though you have all the practicalities in hand here with solicitor, counsellor, utilities etc. I can understand your saying what you did about the baby, but I am well aware that you will make a rational decision in due course. :)

That's not awful Lou, it's a perfectly normal human reaction.

And we all KNOW instinctively, that you would not make your decision based on it. It's fine to say it out loud too

Porto - please shush.

No, Lou said - she doesn't need advice - she has it all sorted. She wants to chat and talk about recipes. But some of her supporters are posting hysterical crap. If Lou doesn't need advice, just chat, then the thread should be moved.

Yup, OldLady knows something, cos I agree with her. It's a perfectly natural reaction to have.

I do think the Chunt genuinely wants you to say "all is forgiven! You have spawned an innocent Child of Chutney but we shall forget this ever occurred, please come home!" so that he can then um and ah and prolong the agony until eventually he regretfully concludes that Lou hasn't really tried quite hard enough to win him back, that she hasn't quite placed enough emphasis on him and his needs. And then he 'goes back to' the OW (who probably has no idea Lou exists, never mind that he is still trying to reel her back in) with the intention of starting the cycle again, with a more extreme demand on behaviour, next time around.

Perhaps he genuinely is away for most of September, hiding in another country in the hopes that if it all kicks off , at least he'll be far enough away to put the fear into OW that if she doesn't accept this outrageous situation he won't return for the birth of her baby?

Portofino, you are WAY out of line and have been very rude actually.

This is Lou's thread, and it is about her life and nobody elses.
Lou is not responsible for other posters and what they are going through in their own lives or how they interpret responses.
People can start their own threads to get their own advice.
We are here to offer support and friendship not to legislate over how people use Mumsnet!

So, has anyone baked anything recently?

I think he's testing the waters to see if you'll have him back.
Poor, deluded fool! (him, not you!)

I feel a carrot cake coming on. A Special carrot cake. ;)

Yes, I did "melting moments' biscuits with my 3 year old. When I said "now lets press them down gently and put a cherry on top" he smashed 'em into the baking tray and we sort of have a selection of pancake biscuits now.....

Considering some cheese straws tomorrow

Wot was for tea Lou??? xxxxx

Porto I have reported you. I feel you have constantly picked at LouP.

Your behaviour smacks of bullying.

If you do not agree with what is going on here then please speak to MNHQ, stop taking it into your own hands to police the boards.

I think you would be best hiding the thread and any subsequent ones.

Jacket spud with cheese and salad.
Just had 2 crackers with Dairy Lea.

I dunno. I'm no apologist for the chunt, but the text LouP posted at 19:36 really read to me pretty much at face value.

'I am so sorry for hurting you and letting you down.'

that's an apology

'If there was any way you could forgive me and forget this ever happened then I would want to be with you but I'm not sure this is possible.'

I have screwed up so badly that it would always be between us in the future. I don't think it would work again and because I think you would always hold it over me so I could no longer be a controlling arse I don't want to be with you.

'I miss you and your company.'

Is probably true, tbh. Doesn't mean his company is good for you, necessarily, but can be face value.

'I am away much of September for work but just wanted to say that I do still love you.'

Might easily be him trying to explain why he won't be in touch much?

I rather like all the Chunt-the-complete-asshat interpretations other people have put on the text, don't get me wrong. But I can see this one as showing a bit of genuine remorse if I squint very hard at it

Ommmward, yes, I can see your point.

Ooooo Dairylea - going on my shopping list for next week.

Did you make a cream cracker sandwich with it and squish it through the minute holes so it came out like tiny worms? or was it only me that did that at school

Is he just trying to buy time by saying he is away for most of September? Hoping to keep your solicitor off his back while he plots his next move? We already know he has consulted legal advice (Lou's first solicitor). Seemed odd he didn't mention the solicitors letter or scan...

I've been wondering all week why he hadn't reacted to solicitors letter & thought this afternoon perhaps his mail redirect is to his parents & maybe he popped round there today to pick up post. Wouldn't want OW opening a letter in error!

I have never picked on Lou. I have been concerned that advice given to her has been poor. Lou chose to be rude about that as I am too "grown up and serious" which is obviously in poor taste when you find yourself up shit creek. Personally I think she might want to get a bit more serious about this nightmare situation, but if she just wants to talk recipes, well then the thread should be moved. Advice is not welcome nor wanted, so this should not be in Relationships.

I have plenty of PMs agreeing with me from people too SCARED to post. What does that say about how these threads are going. No unbiased opinion or advice is allowed. That makes this a quiche is my eyes.

We get a very one-dimensional view of the chunt here. None of us (except you, Lou) know any of the engaging bits, the good bits, the thoughtful bits.

All we know is that he has behaved in a manner that is - by anyone's standards - absolutely beyond the pale.

He behaved so badly that he broke your marriage. From the personality you display on here, being married to you would be great. I wouldn't for a moment suggest reconciliation (a bit difficult with the other baby on the way, even if you could get beyond the Great Chutney Heist), but my dream for you, Lou, is that you manage this disengagement from a place of pity and compassion. He seriously screwed up. It makes his position as your husband untenable, and that is a screw-up worthy of pity not hate. You're a pretty amazing human being already, but to reach some sort of zen acceptance-of-what-is-ness-thing as well? THat would just be fucking awesome

I get the impression that YOUR Advice is not welcome nor wanted Portfino.

Lou has seen several solicitors
She is going to counselling
She has been in touch with the mortgage/utility companies
She is dealing with everything that she needs to, and using Mumsnet to offload and get emotional support, as is her right and entitlement.

She is living with the issues she posts about every single day, so how dare you tell her that she needs to 'get a bit more serious'

You seem to feel the need to have some control over Lou for some reason.

Yes Omm, I agree with much of what you say.

Just out of curiosity, what form of words could he use to say that he's sorry, still loves Lou and wishes they could get back together without a howl of disbelief from this board?

Lou, you may feel that you have nothing to say to him - in which case you are proving his point - but at some stage it would be better to have a conversation, if only to find out what you want to know about his whereabouts and intentions regarding the house. If you don't want to discuss the pregnancy, you could make the subject off limits. Ime leaving everything to the respective solicitors makes everything more heated and entrenched, and ends up being much more expensive.