Gone with the condiments

[LouP19]

Evening all,... Thank you to whoever came up with this lovely shiney new thread title!!

As for Fedora, well I looked and it certainly wasn't her I saw in the picture!! He did go to Italy though, I saw pictures on his camera of the Bay of Naples, and also a few video clips of boat trips. And that's when I saw one single picture of a young blonde who he called 'Fedora'. 'I took a picture of her as she's very attractive and I wanted to remember what she looked like'. Jeez, I had a bit of a go, but I left that one because I couldn't be arsed to have an argument. This was about 4 days before he left.

Anyway, onto other things. Had one of these evenings where I can't stop my brain from whirling over details from the last few months. Times when I believed him because it meant an easier life. Believing him meant not being called 'paranoid' or insecure' or told to 'grow up'. Believing him meant some peaceful times on my own, not having to put up with him stomping about, resenting the fact that he was here. Believing him the time he claimed he got a 4 1/2 hour train back from London one evening in November when he smelt of aftershave.

Arrrggghhh! I know there's nothing I can do to stop this churning, but I am SO annoyed at myself. There were signs, but I just hoped things would get better. He always complained of being under pressure at work, so I had faith that he was trying his best.

Am so tempted to contact his boss and let him know what he's being doing under the 'guise' of work. Obviously, I wouldn't do it, but it is so tempting,......

Need to remember revenge is a life well lived blah blah!!

Abitwobbly - the thing with that is that people say that DS looks like DH. He doesn't to me - he looks like DS, and DS only. I just can't see the similarities. So even if Lou kept the baby and it did look like DH - very soon she would probably just see her DC, not be haunted by stbxh.

True Mistle. My cousin is creepily similar to his father but my cousin, his mum, views him as her SON, the sensitive boy who who loves art. Not the abusive, drug addict father (who is actually my biological cousin)

As we tell all kids: It's what's on the inside that counts. Looks don't matter.

How did your scan go?

Can we refrain from referring to chunt as a narcissist please? We really don't know that he is, there are plenty of times dh could have described my behaviour and got a mn-diagnosis of a personality disorder. I haven't, I do have mh issues, but its not helpful to label people and proceed as if ...

def agree with that, Sweet.

Fanny, tend to feel labels are useful. But, so as to avoid offending you, let's think of a special label for Lou's ex.
How about "Cold, Heartless, Unreasonable, Narcissistic Twat"?

I don't think she's offended, just pointing out that we've no idea about his mental health and so should probably just stick to "twat" rather than diagnosing him with very rare personality disorders, when we've never met him.

Its not me who's offended. Look. Have you met with him? Are a a psychiatric professional? Have you studied his behaviour impartially? If yes, I accept your diagnosis. If not, you are making assumptions based on one side of one story.

He is a prick. No argument there. He may have a pd. But we don't know that.

Honestlky, you shouldn't get so upset when people challenge.

sigh

And here we go again...Despite Lou's wishes and obvious ignoring of all our bunfight posts regarding Chunt...

Xpost

That's a point, if he isn't just a cunt, what if he has a mh issue rather than a pd? That does change the way that things need to be handled dependent on treatment etc.

I'm not bunfighting. Jesus! This is the problem, anyone who has a slightly different take is shouted down. I am saying that the labelling is wrong and unhelpful. Just that. It seems to be accepted that he is a narc. Why? Why can't he just be a cunt?

Agree with you Sweet. I'm not comfortable with the labelling, either.

It might make sense to people who've been to that sort of therapist, but that in itself makes them more likely to see people through that particular prism.

When I've read up the "How to Diagnose a Narcissist" web pages, it strikes me as all being a question of degree. Unless I'm one, too. And nobody's yet complained.

So it comes across as being about as meaningful as star signs. "Oh, he's Leo. Leo's hate not being top dog." etc etc.

And Lurking, do 'Lou's wishes' preclude one poster having a different point of view from another?

I think the labelling is not a massive concern (although doesn't actually mean much other than a handy code for very self absorbed, unpleasant person - no one is in a position and I question if anyone has the qualifications and understanding to actually do a diagnosis here), until people not only diagnose the person in question but suggest that possibly it's a PD which can be inherited, to a woman who is thinking of having an abortion...I don't think that's appropriate really.

Exactly, Cly.

exactly.

I too agree - the point about inherited PDs is particularly unpleasant and unecessary and I have reported. You can interpret what Lou says he has said in any number of ways - as I said before, normally on these threads there is more of a mix of responses - and a more balanced view. Has he behaved badly - yes. Do we fully understand his motives and behaviour - no, at least not further than there tends to be a common script for men who have affairs.

Good post, Thyme.

I suspect people of EDs all the time. if I see a slim person eating a salad, it makes me wonder. because thats my area of knowledge.

I hadnt heard of NPD until I came on here.

My STBXH is a cold heartless twat. But that is it. He is simply a cold heartless twat, nothing more, nothing less.

skye, exactly. we are too quick to label people because that makes their behaviour more forgivable, it absolves them of responsibility.

Hope the scan wasn't too traumatic, haven't heard anthing from Lou today. I know I'd be half mad with the enormity of it all. Hope she's OK.

Afternoon all, thanks for your posts, some really inspiring ones on here. Especially Lurking, that was a wonderful story.

Hospital ok, I didn't look, but all ok. Saw a wonderful nurse, she was SO kind, really restores your faith in people sometimes when you meet someone professional who appears to really care. Provisional termination booked but she has even said I can ring up on the morning to cancel if necessary. But personally I would like to know by this time next week and she also recommended that in order to get a midwife in place etc. Eek,.....

So I came back and for some random reason I have ironed my freshly washed bedlinen. Despite being a 'good homemaker' (as listed on my pros) I NEVER iron bedlinen, but got a sudden urge and have put it on and it looks lovely. I have no doubt the cats will get to it before me.

And on the way back I stopped at one of my favourite local cafes and bought the biggest chocolate brownie ever and ate it like a pig!!

I agree about getting away. I've said this to a few people and of course they've all said 'Come to mine over the weekend' which is very very kind, but actually I could do with either spending the w.e. alone or possibly going away somewhere. Will think about it over the next couple of days. Could do with a log cabin somewhere, and a sexy woodcutter in a checked shirt or sommat,.......

I don't mean to be rude or upset you, but what was the scan for? Is it in case you decide to go ahead, so that you'll have a continuity of care? Was this a counselling session too or just a routine ante natal appointment? Have you got any further in thinking what you might do with regards to the pregnancy?

Lou - so pleased that you had a wonderful nurse, that really does make such an enormous difference doesn't it. Good luck with your decision.

Bed linen must always be ironed. Nothing better than fresh crisp sheets/duvet covers and getting in all clean from a lovely bath or shower. IT's up there on my favourite things I like list fo sho

Provisional termination booked but she has even said I can ring up on the morning to cancel if necessary

So glad you saw someone professional but lovely with it. Just wanted to add to this that you know even if you turn up for the appointment you can walk away at any moment, right up to the very last second. That was something that helped me to get through, repeating that to myself.

Sexy woodcutter sounds like a very good idea!

I have been offered 2 early scans because of my history (miscarrying etc), that is all. Today wasn't counselling, but to be honest the nurse was so kind that in a way it felt like it.