Gone with the condiments

[LouP19]

Evening all,... Thank you to whoever came up with this lovely shiney new thread title!!

As for Fedora, well I looked and it certainly wasn't her I saw in the picture!! He did go to Italy though, I saw pictures on his camera of the Bay of Naples, and also a few video clips of boat trips. And that's when I saw one single picture of a young blonde who he called 'Fedora'. 'I took a picture of her as she's very attractive and I wanted to remember what she looked like'. Jeez, I had a bit of a go, but I left that one because I couldn't be arsed to have an argument. This was about 4 days before he left.

Anyway, onto other things. Had one of these evenings where I can't stop my brain from whirling over details from the last few months. Times when I believed him because it meant an easier life. Believing him meant not being called 'paranoid' or insecure' or told to 'grow up'. Believing him meant some peaceful times on my own, not having to put up with him stomping about, resenting the fact that he was here. Believing him the time he claimed he got a 4 1/2 hour train back from London one evening in November when he smelt of aftershave.

Arrrggghhh! I know there's nothing I can do to stop this churning, but I am SO annoyed at myself. There were signs, but I just hoped things would get better. He always complained of being under pressure at work, so I had faith that he was trying his best.

Am so tempted to contact his boss and let him know what he's being doing under the 'guise' of work. Obviously, I wouldn't do it, but it is so tempting,......

Need to remember revenge is a life well lived blah blah!!

Portofino - If it is moved to the other place, Lou won't be able to look back at the support she has received as the thread will disappear after however many days.

Regardless of who has given the best advice, perhaps as she is working out the fallout from a failed relationship and as there has been a lot of advice from all sides, it may be helpful to keep this where Lou can access it.

I thought the 'OTBT' was for mumsnetter who were in danger and need to have a safe place to post which would not come up if searched for not because someone doesn't to see it in the normal postings.

Anyway hope you slept well Lou. And as for breakfast I'm off to make tonnes of scotch pancakes for my Dc.

Porto, I think she still wants relationship advice, how to handle texts and her feelings etc, and imo Relationships is a more than adequate place for that.

LisaMed makes a good point that threads in the other place disappear.

There are lots of long-running threads in relationships, I don't see why this can't be among them. shrug

porto all you talk about is advice. lou gains support from this thread, and the light hearted talk on here helps take her mind off things.
Seriously what is so wrong with that???

Morning, delurking to say this is so depressing, pages of arguing AGAIN! This is supposed to be Lou's haven, a

Annoyed with self for engaging now. Arguments don't happen in a vacuum. backs away from thread. Have a lovely Sunday, all.

Morning Lou, hope you slept well. I know you don't like Sundays at the moment but I do hope you have a bit of thinking time and some good food to get you through.
I think the latest text was testing the water to see if he could have you back if it goes wrong with OW etc, he wants control back. You see through it as all the tears have removed the scales from your eyes!

Morning Porto. I think I'm right in saying Lou is looking to this thread mainly for emotional support (rather than advice which she quite rightly mainly looks for from the relevant professionals in RL) whilst she goes through the shocking breakdown of her marriage.

The basic fact is that I would imagine she likely wouldn't be here, posting on the Mnet relationship board if her relationship hadn't just come to a sudden, devastating end. There are many other places on the Net she would no doubt choose to share recipes etc if that was this thread's primary purpose. It patently isn't though, is it? This thread allows Lou a virtual support network whilst she comes to terms with what's going on in her life/relationships. Why shouldn't Lou choose to occasionally distract herself with recipe swapping and daydreaming about future dog walking flirtations whilst trying to deal with the fact she doesn't even know where her H is currently living?

I've been on the Relationships board here a couple of years now (mainly lurking) and sadly have seen more than a few threads like Lou's (though Chuntney admittedly takes the biscuit as one of the very worst) and they often evolve into a similar chatty, supportive sort of style as this one. So I can't understand what it is about this particular thread that irks you so?

As others have stated time and again Porto, you have the right to your opinions and you've more than made your point. Just as Lou and other posters here have the right to hold opposing viewpoints to yours. Going over the same old ground again and again seems pointless now and worse than that, turns Lou's supportive haven (as lovestosing rightly said) into something downright unpleasant...

Damn iPhone! a place she comes to for support, laughs, inane chat, and is a sort o journal of her feelings and the events that have taken place since Chuntney left her in the most cowardly way possible. Surely everyone on here follows Lou's threads because we're all behind her and have her best interests at heart. In that case how is turning it into a
bunfight helpful to Lou? I am worried this is going to put her off posting on here. I have followed Lou from the beginning and loved all the support she was getting, but this is really putting me off now. Please don't make this worse for Lou.

Porto can't you just respect Lou and not post here as she has requested? Its just rude otherwise.

Morning all, thank you for your posts. And thank you mini especially for sharing your amazing story. I'm glad it worked out for you. I must admit when I read what you put I started to think 'Hmmm, may be there IS some hope' but on reflection there probably isn't. Well, definitely isn't!! But I'm happy that it worked out for you.

Didn't sleep very well last night because I was churning over his text. There is SO much I want to say to him, but I know it's all futile because he isn't interested at all in seeing any sense or reason. Someone put earlier (I think it was garlic?) that he has shown no interest in my welfare since I announced my pregnancy. This totally breaks my heart, but I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. I occasionally keep having to do a head check, because the person I want to share how I'm feeling with is the very person I can't,...........

I kind of thought that the reason porto is posting simillar things is because everyone is refusing to listen to any other voice. Funny how posters who "back up" the herd are "clarifying" and those who give alternative advice are "labouriing the point/banging on" I reiterate, the way porto has been treated is despicable. You should all be ashamed.

I think Porto should be ashamed for ignoring Lou's requests to not post on her threads.

I understand the text was upsetting, but the big isssue here surely remains what you're going to do about the pregnancy. I understand it's a big decision, but surely time is of the essence? How many weeks are you now? Ten?

So sorry for xpost lou, I totally understand, I do. You are grieving for a family.

Shake, that's a v good point.

Hold on a minute, Lou. He did ask if he could come to the scan. Some posters immediately assumed that he wanted to use the opportunity to argue for a termination, but couldn't his request also be interpreted as an offer of support?

I'm no apologist for your husband. I think he's behaved appallingly. But I do think some of the psychological analysis is OTT and factually inaccurate. (I don't see any evidence of vindictiveness, for example. There was a poster whose DH had spray-painted the walls. THAT's vindictiveness.) Why do you think 'it's futile to talk to him because he isn't interested at all in seeing any sense or reason'? Have you had more communication with him than you've told us about because that's not immediately obvious from what I've read?

I think it would be a good thing to meet him, if only to get what you want to say out of your system.

What SweetFannyCraddock said.

Spot on crazychicken!

SweetFanny it's not just this thread, it's the 2 or 3 previous threads too.

Porto is upsetting Lou and Lou has asked her not to post anymore on her threads.

Everyone understands what Porto is saying, some have even agreed, but for the life of me, why oh why does she have to stick in on repeat?

I don't think she's actually had two different meaning posts in the last 4 threads, just the same one regurgitated using different words that mean the same

What an utterly depressing and undignified bun fight this thread is.

I thought about posting last night, however I didn't want to derail Lou's thread. Too late for that again I see.

Porto posts and then there are what?? 15 - 20 replies telling her to get lost, stop labouring her point etc?? Her replies are often defending herself against that not aimed at Lou or labouring her point at all!

Anyone that comes and says you are bullying Porto are suddenly a quiche of hers not just other posters shocked at what they see here

I think many of you are an example of bullying on MumsNet at it's worse. It is one of the few times I have wondered if I should leave here.

There is truth in the old adage that what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. This won't kill you, though I can well imagine that at times your heart feels like it's physically breaking in your chest.

Whatever 'baggage' you have when this is thrashed out - emotional or whatever, will be you and perhaps you won't ever again trust another man, but I thought the same once (so so so less extreme than your sitch but I really did think it) and I got over it.

This is a trial for you, Lord knows you're facing it well. You won't do everything by the book, you won't please all the people all of the time with your actions, inc yourself and I daresay your solicitor!! But you are only human. You're not a fucking robot.

Keep physically well. Walk that dog. Eat your veggie food. Rant on here. Gather your fantastic rl support close - let them know how they are helping you, they will be glad and will remain there for you.

The big decisions are yours and yours alone to make. I know that's scary. But you know that's the way it goes.

I've never doubted your validity. Many haven't - there will always be those who do. I have a feeling you're not actually that arsed by it all. Good on you!

I do believe, fwiw, that maintaining a cold western front with your husband is thhe best thing to do as I should imagine he is tearing his hair out at not having you at his beck and call. This makes me smile!

He's made his bed, let him lie in it.

The most pressing thing you have to deal with - and one thing at a time is what I would advise, the most time-sensitive things first - is the pregnancy.

You have instructed your sol. Tick that box. Let her run with it.

The time has come to sit and think about the pregnancy. I doubt you've thought of anything else, I know - but perhaps take some time out and listen to what your heart and head are telling you. I believe you've already made the decision and are yet to admit it to yourself and that is ok too - rumination is a good thing, concious or not.

Good luck doll x

I agree with thymeout. There is nothing that he can say otr do that will be deemed "compassionate" now. You fell in love with him, the other posters on here didn't. He must hae had a spark of love iin him.

Babylon. Exactly. 4 threads of being bullied, ridiculed and abused. Its not the same point, its the same outlook. Many of you have been posting the same thing over and over again. You've just toitally proved my point.