Gone with the condiments

[LouP19]

Evening all,... Thank you to whoever came up with this lovely shiney new thread title!!

As for Fedora, well I looked and it certainly wasn't her I saw in the picture!! He did go to Italy though, I saw pictures on his camera of the Bay of Naples, and also a few video clips of boat trips. And that's when I saw one single picture of a young blonde who he called 'Fedora'. 'I took a picture of her as she's very attractive and I wanted to remember what she looked like'. Jeez, I had a bit of a go, but I left that one because I couldn't be arsed to have an argument. This was about 4 days before he left.

Anyway, onto other things. Had one of these evenings where I can't stop my brain from whirling over details from the last few months. Times when I believed him because it meant an easier life. Believing him meant not being called 'paranoid' or insecure' or told to 'grow up'. Believing him meant some peaceful times on my own, not having to put up with him stomping about, resenting the fact that he was here. Believing him the time he claimed he got a 4 1/2 hour train back from London one evening in November when he smelt of aftershave.

Arrrggghhh! I know there's nothing I can do to stop this churning, but I am SO annoyed at myself. There were signs, but I just hoped things would get better. He always complained of being under pressure at work, so I had faith that he was trying his best.

Am so tempted to contact his boss and let him know what he's being doing under the 'guise' of work. Obviously, I wouldn't do it, but it is so tempting,......

Need to remember revenge is a life well lived blah blah!!

Bossy, care to answer before I report your post?

Very powerful post, and fascinating story mini.

Your DH does sound like a basically good man who followed a fantasy and then saw sense in time to salvage a happy ending...... Thanks to your generous and humane nature, and his willingness to admit the error. It certainly gives hope.

Lou's stbx has shown heartless and abusive behaviour before this, which is why I personally can't see the OW as a king size mistake and no more. Among other things, he's returned after the fact to calmly break in and pick up trivial household items, proudly asserting his right to enter the property at will (factually correct, but not the actions of an embarrassed and remorseful man).

We've heard of neighbours who heard him shouting at her through the walls, mortifying scenes in a supermarket, cold dismissal of lou's wish to have a child, and anger when it upset her. Pushing her out of the car in the middle of nowhere. Taking money from her for a holiday he didn't intend to take! And as Lou said, a habit of flipping completely which terrified her.

So as an onlooker I don't think he's a healthy man for any woman to have in her life.... However sorry he feels....

Nonetheless I am very struck by your story mini. You too sound like a lovely person!

I would like to echo what other posters have said to mini. I'm so glad it worked out.

For insinuating an organised "attack", stirring and troll-hunting.

Are you always so rude?

Oh, and I will post where I want. As I said earlier (to you, iirc) I won't be bullied by a cheerleader with an attitude.

hopkinette showing my age dear!!

< well pre-90's>

Rude?? No I haven't even started....but out of respect for Lou

who's support thread this is

I will stop there as this is getting tedious.

Bossy Was GBBO on tonight?

I got sucked into Dr Who (not literally) because DS was watching. I usually find it tedious, but it was pretty good, I have to say. There's a nice twist we didn't see coming & I think the new companion is going to be completely brilliant. And next weeks (Dinosaurs on a Space Ship ) looks really good.

DS is relieved that it seems to be back on form because he hated the last series.

That's my precis. You'll have to watch it on BBCi :)

(Sorry for the momentary derail. As you were).

Very wise, You aren't coming across well.

Sorry lou.

Wahay I'm a cheerleader!!!!

If you only knew what a compliment that is.......

I want to second LadyWOrdy's post in all respects.

minimalaise - what an amazing story. I am glad that things worked out for you.

you are right in that you have to do what is right for you. If Lou wants to talk to ex at any point then I am sure she will, but it needs to be on her terms when she feels comfortable with it. I always think that people need to do what is right for them in their situation. i went against advice on here. It did cost me emotionally, but in the end, I was satisfied that I had done everything I could to save my marriage and that it was over. If I hadnt done that, I might have always wondered "what if".

I am with portofino. Her advice has been spot on this far.

Oh no hopkinette I call loads of people "dear" a term of affection in my family but whatever!

Crikey not sure about GBBO someone mentioned it earlier- caught the first 5 minutes of DW before I went out & consumed lots of vino is the new companion the girl trapped on the rogue spaceship for a year? She seemed good DW material.

Having hidden behind various cushions since DW was Patrick Troughton, I can dip in & out of it & still enjoy the DD's passion for it!

Are you a DW fan Lou ?

mini that was a very brave post. I can't begin to imagine what you went through.

I agree with the others, Lou's H is not begging for forgiveness or admitting a mistake. He's blaming her for not forgiving what he's done. His last text implies that the break up of the marriage is her fault for not ignoring his mistake, yet he ran out and hasn't made any attempt to come back. He consulted with a solicitor before Lou even had. When they last met he brought a sheet a paper that listed her bad points, and he was too coward to tell her to her face that he moved in with an OW and she was pregnant.

I just hope that whatever decision Lou makes (I can see strong arguments for keeping the pregnancy and strong arguments for terminating) that he doesn't get the opportunity to continue his manipulation and emotional abuse of Lou in future.

Good post oz.

"Like" button for oz.

Lou, you said you had a fantasy about running into some fantastic bloke while out walking the neighbour's dog...if you want some very lighthearted distraction along that theme then I recommend you read "Lost Dogs and Lonely Hearts" by Lucy Dillon. Even if you are not a chick lit type normally, I think you might enjoy it- I normally read more serious literary fiction but I read it because Lucy is a RL friend of mine.

This reads like a Relationships thread to me, OP is sensibly seeking RL advice for legal and counselling stuff and using MN for emotional support for the other things - I pretty much thought that's what Relationships was for. Am I nuts?

Lou I hope you are all right. Have you thought whether you might respond to the text or just ignore?

My feeling is that even if he is trying to apologise in his cack-handed way, it's not enough. It's not what a decent person would do. He'd be there in person apologising deeply and thoroughly, with no blame attached to the OP. He's not done that. Instead he keeps assuming what she's feeling - which may well be why he moved out in the first place. And let's not forget how callous that was.

(btw 'I have support from lurkers' is a total internet forum cliche.)

The point is that Lou has stated that she HAS all the advice she needs in RL. Advice given on here of shall we say, a less hysterical nature is NOT welcome. She wants to chat and share recipes - Lou said that, not me. So imho the thread should be moved.

And MY quiche? What quiche is that? The only poster I know on this thread is Sweetfanny.

Morning Lou - hope you've had a good night's sleep and some tasty crumpets for breakfast :)

You've had lots of good advice on Chunt's text already, but thought I'd reiterate what the wise people on this thread have said before - words are cheap, it's by his actions that the Chunt shows you how he really feels...

And adding to Jessie's rec for dog-walking related romance, Monday to Friday Man by Alice Peterson is along these lines too. High end literature it isn't, but a nice wee read for a holiday or lazy weekend (and it only costs 20p for the ebook just now!)

Porto I don't disagree with some of the advice you have offered on these threads - it's the WAY in which it's communicated - abrupt, insistent, derailing. Unfortunately you don't come across well & get people's back's up (including the OP's)

Other posters seem able to make a point & MOVE ON - I suggest you do to.