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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Ok, you asked for it...a thread just for the crap men come out with!

128 replies

Yogagirl17 · 29/08/2012 22:41

I'll start:

"Of course I want to try to save our marriage. I'll end the affair immediately...but I can still be friends with her, right?"

"I'm not jealous that you've moved on and are dating other men...I'm just concerned for your safety because they are clearly all mad, stalker, paedophiles"

"I'm drunk and horny....sorry I was just sharing my feelings"

OP posts:
Guiltypleasures001 · 30/08/2012 13:20

Actually cogito I might have appreciated the heads up for the repair man I have a crap memory, and in other news I hope the door didnt slam his arse too hard on the way out.

NiniLegsInTheAir · 30/08/2012 13:38

Counsellor: "So why did you get married?"
Him: "Finances."
Me: Hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/08/2012 13:53

I agree Guiltypleasures... even though he was dumping me from a great height I thought it was extremely thoughtful. Hmm

CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/08/2012 13:54

My favourite and, to be fair, he probably wasn't lying when he said it...

"I'm infertile"

Nine months later....

Olympicnmix · 30/08/2012 15:21

Sadly gettingeasier really. He also asked if he could stay in the house and keep being a dad to the children but still go on seeing the OW as she wouldn't mind.

Last night, out of the blue, I had a text asking if I wanted to tag along with him and the dcs for the weekend to see his parentsHmm.

Felt like replying:' No, I'm staying in to fill out Form E for our divorce' but have just ignored it.

HecateHarshPants · 30/08/2012 15:29

oh, you've got what you wanted, you've got the house, you want to join the Single Mothers' Club

After finding a secret mobile phone hidden in MY bloody kiondo!

Attack clearly the best form of defence Hmm

HazleNutt · 30/08/2012 15:49

Exboyfriend: sorry, work has just been so busy, I simply haven't had any time to call you (for weeks).

A guy hitting on me in a nightclub: "Youknow, my wife is pregnant and in the hospital, there's somethign wrong with the baby.." I'm about to say sorry and he must be very upset when he continues: "so my house is free tonight, want to go to my place?"

Slumberparty · 30/08/2012 16:03

"My ex's used to give much more BJs than you"

Cue a complete stop to all BJ...not had any more comments like that!

HecateHarshPants · 30/08/2012 16:05

Was that for the comparison to the ex or for the dreadful grammar of "much more blow jobs" ?

Grin
bleedingheart · 30/08/2012 16:05

Am aghast at these!

After raising issues of emotional and sexual abuse with EXP he kindly explained:
"I'm a scientist and you're an artist, your type of intelligence isn't suited to someone like me. That's why we clash. Just accept that you wouldn't really understand if I explained it to you."

bubalou · 30/08/2012 16:14

Some of these are so fucking shocking!

I'm pleased to see that most of you are Ex's.

Apart from yes the odd silly thing my DH has said - he looks like prince fucking charming compared to my ex's and the tosspots on here.

mercury7 · 30/08/2012 16:51

if only he'd said 'more frequent bj's' or 'you give fewer bj's than she did' :o

OneMoreChap · 30/08/2012 17:13

Wondering if I should start a thread

"Can we still be friends"
"It's not like he hadn't slept with me before"
"It's safe, we can"
"So, how long have you been going out with her... not bored yet?"
"I didn't want you to find out this way"

Shinyshinyface · 30/08/2012 17:29

ExH of 20 years: Oh I was going to take you away to Brussels for your 40th but I thought you'd just say you were too busy so I haven't planned anything.
(late in the day on my birthday when it was only too apparent that he had in fact planned nothing, not even a cake, zip, nada, zilch)

NettOlympicSuperstar · 30/08/2012 17:36

'I know your Mum just died, but I'm tired, I'm going to bed, sit up snivelling on your own if you must'
When he'd left me and DD was 2 months old, he lifted her up and said, 'You're fucking ugly just like your mother'.

Pickles77 · 30/08/2012 18:04

There are some bloody charmers about aren't there?

bertiebassett · 30/08/2012 18:09

"you only wanted me for my sperm"

(STBXH)

karatekimmi · 30/08/2012 18:33

Got a phone call from a "friend" saying his girlfriends grandpa had died so she had gone home, so did I want to go round with for a roll in the hay? Err no

Dryjuice25 · 30/08/2012 18:44

Nettolympic- really shocked. What a rascal?

SirSugar · 30/08/2012 18:58

My H, passed on from this life, called a 'family' meeting - his sister, my mum and DDs nanny due to our relationship 'crisis'

We all sat round the dinner table assembled like a fucking board meeting with him at the top of the table. He stood up and said.......

'I would like to draw your attention to the fact that SirSugar has been having an intimate relationship with OM and I have prepared some paperwork/contract for us all to consider and discuss, then SirSugar can sign it'

As I was not actually having an intimate relationship with OM I stood up and said........

Shove it where the sun don't shine you absolute twat ( years later I found out he was fucking his ExW when he called this meeting )

result.....

Meeting over and we all went out for fish and chips. God only knows how I let this man father another of my children, I blame the fact that I didn't know about you lovely people.

Original poster
Yogagirl17 · 30/08/2012 19:39

watch - I assume knobber, dickhead & wanker were in fact all the same XH and that you have not in fact been married 3 times to complete arses! Grin

I actually started this thread as a bit of a joke/men are idiots kind of thing but some of these are seriously upsetting - I'm so glad that these are all exes! Latest from my ex:

"I guess you've told all our friends what I did by now. Now I don't have any friends anymore. But that's ok because I never liked any of them anyway."

charming

OP posts:
brianbennettfan · 30/08/2012 20:01

(To guests at same table at a Rotary dinner):
"My wife and I share a sense of humour. We have to, she doesn't have one."

To me:
"If you got rid of all your faults you'd be perfect".

To me ten days after I found out about OW, when I was wanting to know what his intentions were:
Of course I can't tell you, I might want to go and have another family with her - these decisions take time, you know.

Wanker. Who is now married to OW and making her life a misery, and is an alcoholic to boot. And with a poor 15-year-old DD who is a nervous wreck and constantly ill.

Snorbs · 30/08/2012 20:05

He sounds about as charming as your unpleasant and offensive sweeping generalisations about men as a group.

LOL, women are such fuckwits!

Cynner · 30/08/2012 20:07

20 wks pregnant, having severe back and belly pain..
Him: No I can't come get you, if you are in that much pain ring 999
And he is a paramedic..

savemefromrickets · 30/08/2012 20:13

A supplier at a conference: I'm so miserable, my wife is pregnant and I've been having an affair with someone at work... I really think that spending the night with you would cheer me up.

To add insult to injury, he didn't even have enough money for the drink he'd invited me for.

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