Honey traps and stunning women aplenty - dating thread 20!

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20!!!!!!

Bloody hell :)

Hello! Stay strong, yogagirl. Your email inspired me to delete my long distance chap from my Facebook.

Something anuvvamuvva said reminded me of something I told myself I would do when I first separated from my husband. I decided that from now on my life would be about finding an extraordinary life for me and my children. I don't mean finding a man, btw, but by making the choices for us that will make us happy. I need to keep reminding myself of this when obsessing thinking about dating.

Snape That's a good point about you being used to PM. If he suddenly looked at you with new eyes and kissed you, would you really like it? Or are you romanticising? Not criticising you, just that i was "in love" with my friend who I used to sleep with, just that, no snogging or sex (we nearly did and then went "Nah...") but looking back it was about feeling safe and comfortable with him. We're still pals btw.

PM doesn't even look good on paper, and Prof might be able to be that good with the children, if you let him, Snape.

Meanwhile, we did spend the weekend together and all went well. At least I didn't get fed up. :)
But I did come down with a sore throat and the beginning of a cold last evening and he was really good about it too.
Plus he did help with cleaning and did a very good job on the bathroom.
Even went shopping with me, and then we went to this romantic spot by the river.

Ooh Lueji, sounds pretty great.

Llareggub (just figured out what ur name is, LOL!) - ooh, i inspired you. Cool.

So here's an interesting phenomenon I've noticed:

The guy I just got rid of - texted me to say he was horny, then when I told him off he said he was just 'sharing his feelings'.
My XH - texted me a long, totally unsolicited rant about my "so called friends". When I told him that was helpful (not), he said he was just 'sharing his feelings'.

So is this really what men think we want when we say we want a man who can talk to us about his feelings? Are they really that dumb?

Yoga girl - yep they really are that dumb

I am about to go on my first date since being single, totally bricking it, it is only coffee but I have got butterflies dancing around my stomach.

I would appreciate some advice on one issue though, I am still living with me ex, as although we split in Jan this year, the sale of our house fell through, hence we are still in same house.

I worry this could be an issue for some men.. When do I tell him this??

ladyG - good luck, try & enjoy and not overthink it!

As for your ex, "when do I tell him" - my advice is - don't. If he asks, tell him you're meeting a friend, going shopping, whatever. I don't think there is any need to discuss it with him unless you end up getting serious about someone.

'The guy I just got rid of - texted me to say he was horny'
an ex fwb sent me the 'I'm horny' text a while ago, should have just ignored it, wanted to reply 'and?' instead I replied 'try a cold shower'

it's just such lame, dumb, attempt to get you to engage in rude texting to help him get sexually aroused enough to have a wank

It makes me want to send a near lethal electric shock to his fucking phone

and yep Lady he's just some random bloke from the internet you are under no obligation to tell him anything real about your life

yogare sharing feelings, ideally it needs to be a mutual and equal exchange of intimacy and openness..not one person venting all over the other person!

Oops, i totally misread that. I thought you meant when do you tell your xh you're going on a date. When do you tell the guy you're going on the date with you still live with your ex? I guess you could mention it if it comes up, but otherwise I would leave it till you know if there is likely to be dates 2,3...

scatty. What will I be wearing for date? I tend to think its immaterial as whatever it is will be in the floor within 30 seconds of the door closing. I'm coming from work, I'm tending towards Maggie Gyllenhaal in 'the secretary'.

madameO. If PM suddenly looked at me with new eyes and kissed me? I'd be happy. I just would. And whilst I appreciate that PM doesn't 'measure up' on paper (leuji) I'm not that impressed by the profs CV, I mean a devilishly handsome, accomplished, charming, funny, rich man clearly looks better on paper than tubby, jobless, complicated, depressed PM. That isn't as important to me as it might be for other people.

yoga. Ahw, isn't it lovely when they want to share their peni 'feelings'. Keep your cock feelings to yourself. That's actually incredible. 'we're over!' 'but I have feeeeeeelings!' meh.

gaga I certainly wouldn't mention living arrangements on a first date. I'd leave it until you were a bit more certain of the chap in question.

Re: PM. I wouldn't share intimate details regarding the prof with him anyway, it's likely I would blush and not discuss, I may not be he most ladylike of women, but I don't kiss and tell, besides the prof is a filthy pervert (yay!) & 3/4 of what we'll probably get up to would make PM faint. He's a simple 'vanilla' soul and tbh that's something I really like about him. The prof is clearly just a filthy fling. He wants kids, I don't. Tend to think he wouldn't cope well in a LTR, as he wouldn't be getting the amounts of twisted fucking he wants, so he'd be off. While I'm very open to a bit of kink, the prof would wear me out.

just to clarify - the text about his hard-on feelings was from the other day, haven't actually heard from him today. Still meh though!

Snape - sounds like you've got it all worked out perfectly...oh, except for the part where you actually talk to PM and get him to recognise the amazing LTR the two of you could have together when you're done fucking the shit out of the prof

Snape I agree sometimes it's not always about what's 'better' on paper, jobs, careers and academics have never been at all important to me, it's more what a person is, than what they do or have, if that makes sense.

I had a VERY weird dream last night in which I was (in present times) going out with the guy I had my first serious relationship with. He was still the age he was when we went out (44, rather than 60 as he would be now) and had a very big tattoo of a snake on his chest (this is most unlikely as a partner in a City law firm!). We lived in a huge & rather lovely 4 storey house in North London. Woke up thinking WTF was that about? especially as I hardly ever think about him, and certainly not in favourable terms! I have no idea about dream analysis so won't even attempt to explain it :)

Oh, and can I just say Mr PFWB is getting right on my nerves. After his various texts at 2am Sat night I text him yesterday afternoon asking how his head was...no reply, til 8am (!) this morning when I get a 'Good Morning and 3 x's.

I replied about an hour ago...nothing further. He'll be out of luck if he wants to come round today anyway as the DSs are back from hols (hurray!! )

I know what you mean, Snape. It's not about looks, body or success.
However, ex didn't look good on paper and he wasn't any good in real life, really. Whatever he had going for him was lost in a few years at best. Just love (or whatever it was) goggles.

Depressed and complicated do make for depressed and complicated relationships. Jobless could be temporary, but if it is a state of mind, essentially, you do want to stay clear. No matter how good he is with the children and to you.

My point is that you have to let Prof (or someone else into your life, real life) before you discount them. He may turn out to be much, much better than PM. Particularly if he is not coming nor going.
Or not, but you'll never know if you continue hoping on PM. And TBH, I suspect it would be a complicated relationship.
If he is into you, he should have been by now.

Yoga, delete, delete, delete. Why bother replying?

And I have to say it really felt good to sit watching an episode about the history of Monty Python. After ex, having someone I share cultural references and tastes with is just fantastic.

Will not be telling PM that I have been 'fucking the shit' out of the prof. Shall be immensely coy & if he asks direct question, shall respond that we haven't 'done it' yet. Although I can clearly only keep that up for a couple of weeks, I'm celibate, not dead. although will obviously be nailing the prof at every and any available opportunity throughout.

It's good you havent heard from him yoga. :). That tells you what you needed to know, that he's been stringing you along.

Forgot to say but I have my second date with Mr Lovely tonight. He sent me a text this morning to ask how my night out went and that he is looking forward to tonight. I'm not going to tell him that it's my birthday. I don't really celebrate it and I don't really see it as a big deal and it is only a second date.

Happy birthday llareggub!!! :-)

Even if you don't celebrate it! :-)

Llareggub
Happy birthday and have a good date tonight.

Maybe you should let him know towards the end of the date, depending on how it goes, and let him give you a nice personal present. :o

Happy Birthday llareggub! xx

Thanks - my children have celebrated it with me this morning with chocolate in bed :-)

Message from londonsurfer on OKc..

'looking for a fit younger man for 'fun'?!'

Tempted to reply 'what, you mean like Jenga?'

But then clicked on his photos, scrolled down and fuck me look at that torso.

Good. Grief. It is going to take a will of IRON to block him.

Happy birthday Llareggub!!! :)

Snape you're doing better than me!

I had a message from a rather lovely sounding bloke doing a Phd, who said he thought I was gorgeous and asked if he could take me to a museum.

Unfortunately he is only 5'6. The only men who message me are dwarves or American. Or both