Honey traps and stunning women aplenty - dating thread 20!

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20!!!!!!

Bloody hell :)

I must be a hard faced cow then because my reply would have been "I can't keep doing this. We are finished" Then I would have sat back and waited for his response. If one wasn't forth coming then I would have my answer. I'm not one for giving blokes the final decision

Right. Messaging Pm on OKC, 'oh. It's you. Hello!''. Good? Bad? Hell no?

Snape:

1. An hour between texts is good. Mix it up! Let him send a few in a row occasionally, left bleating in the ether like poor unanswered lambs. Ever noticed how much keener you get on somebody while you're waiting for them to reply to a text? It would be lovely for PM to get the chance to feel such adoration for you! Don't deny him that joy!

1. I wouldn't let him have "we're a team!" emails until he was on your team emotionally & lovingly. But I'm mean. I think it's just a waste of your time.

1. I've always found the "dating" stage to be the most fun, but I realise I might be looking at it through the rose-coloured glasses you get when you've been in a relationship for a few years. Now you heart belongs to PM and your fanny will soon belong to Prof , you might find dating is even MORE fun as you have no NEED to meet anyone promising. You can just go on dates for a laugh and to have a drink bought for you, and as an excuse to get dressed up. God, with that attitude you'd have men chasing you down the street..

1. Understand how the gym-taxi thing might be a hassle to change. Er... Don't know what to advise about this. If you must be his gym-taxi, then just be super light and breezy in the car, no HeAvY ChAtS. Sing along to the radio. Don't initiate. Don't fill the silences.

1. It will become fun very soon, especially after Weds. You will begin to relish the chance to get back your Power. Being in the "one down" position in any relationship sucks out your soul.

6 & 7. Awesome!

1. Nooo - what's killing you is the last 3 years of loving him unrequitedly. (See: 5.) Reclaim the Power! And i love the fact that's your Mum's birthday. Feels fateful. :)

You're incredibly welcome. I'm just glad you didn't tell me to F-off for barging in here throwing advice about. Honestly - I have no position to tell you what to do. I'm just cheering you on.

I wouldn't message him on OKC.

Fucking well done yoga. Either way, you will get the result you need to see what's what. Good luck!

I respect your opinion anuvvamuvva. I am a stealth ninja of the heart. .

snape... I have been watching this drama unfold for aaaages. Big up to the filth texting

LOL, you are all awesome!!!

He replied-"sorry, I was just being a twat just said how I felt. Will cut contact, well that sort of contact I mean - would still love to keep in touch x"
Me - "I don't think so. We already went through this & you saw how much it hurt me, yet here we are again."
Him-"Ok, will leave you alone"

I know this is better than letting him string me along but it still fucking sucks.

So one last question before I go off to polish my incredibly huge balls.

Do I let him have the last word or do I send one final message along the lines of "you could have been with me if you had wanted to...your choice" and let him suck on think about that?

Yoga - I'm sorry. :(

How much does it cost to send a text now - 4p? I wouldn't waste it. The thing is, he won't realise he was a twat for losing you by your TELLING him he was a twat. He'll only realise that when the force of having no contact with you hits him like a truck and makes him panic that you're out being amazing and meeting loads of lovely new men.

I think I'd like him to start feeling that pain ASAP. So start now. No contact.

I have unlimited texting...

Snape - I second the filth texting (esp as I now have to live vicariously through you!)

Awwww, sorry yoga

I'm really glad you said no to the stay in touch thing though. It'll just hurt you more in the long run.

There'll be another one along in a bit, honest.

And... I bet he doesn't leave you alone.

Well done yoga. I'm sorry he turned out to be an arse. If you really want the last word you could send a little "Yes, you will!" in response to his text But I am in favour of no contact with twats

Yoga well done! Am glad you told him in slightly different words to stick his offer of staying in touch up his arse. I also agree he will only realise the full impact of it in days/weeks, he needs to click on himself, you telling him what he's lost wont mean much to him, not at this stage anyway.

Snape I wonder if PM realised it was you...of course he might have, been bowled over by it, but think with the Prof, he has missed the boat. That's how it would go in the film version anyway :)

Time the men thing...I do think I'm great. Amazing. But the whole second date thing baffles me. I don't understand why they can't see it. I do take a break from it all - I took a whole year off from 2010-11, but it made no difference. If I've got to date my way through 100 men to find one worthy of me, I feel I just have to get on with it

The alternative is to give up on men entirely. Which I could do, am even tempted, but for the sex. I can't do without it indefinitely, and unless I can find a relationship I am stuck with a series of ONS, which isn't appealing.

OKC this evening. 2 views. Both look like serial killers, and have no profile. No msgs still. Boo.

yoga
'Do I let him have the last word'

I say dont reply, you wont have let him have the last word, you'll have left him hanging, twisting painfully in the wind

Let him have the last word, bless him. It's all he has now. Blah blah love to keep in touch blah... translation, 'blah blah love to keep stringing you along'

Cur that fucker down. He's done.

maybe I could just send him a hedgehog snape and ask if he knows what to do with it? Ok, no contact, will not reply.

Can I give an unMumsnetty hug, really quickly? ((((((Yoga))))))

This will turn out to be a good thing, because it'll free you up to meet someone 100x lovelier, but I realise that it hurts for now. Bloody men.

Thanks AnuvvaMuvva - all hugs gratefully accepted. Thank you all, seriously. I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have you all telling me how fucking awesome I was I would have just crawled back to him for round 3. xx

(((Hug thing))) you're fab yoga well done, you! :)

Yoga bloody well done! Yep, leave him twisting in the wind. I always let the manipulative ones (like my ex) have the last word. I am sorry but this is the best outcome as he just clarified what a waste of space he is.

Snape can I give you something else to consider re PM and info about Prof? If he asks how it's going, look coy.
"Oh you know, pretty good" (Stifle a smirk, as if just remembering a choice bit of filth, then look away)
As if you are taking the relationship so seriously that sharing is now off-limits. As if it would be disrespectful to the Prof to discuss the intimate nature of your sex thang relationship with friends.
Only you know if that dynamic would work but thought I'd mention it anyway. Not that you need it after Anuvva's awesome plan.

Ouch yoga. I bet it hurts. Well done though. I don't think you should text him again now. Hone the radar to eliminate excuses about small amounts of travel and get rid pronto if they start that silly nonsense.
Leave him twisting in the wind is so apt!

Snape. What will you be wearing to your date?? How exciting.

Well done Yoga, and good luck with the plan, Snape.
TBH, I don't think he is perfect for you. You just got used to him.
Give the Prof a chance to be that guy.

Update: no texts or messages from Mr K from Friday till this morning!
Will be back later to discuss...

Morning all, thanks again for helping me through yesterday. I did NOT text him again last night and the urge has passed (for now). Still & tho.

Snape - I'd be wary of letting PM think things are too amazing and perfect with the prof. Isn't that always the point in the movie where he would say, "Well I've clearly missed my chance, it's too late now I'll just marry someone else/become a priest/gay/move to Borneo...."?

Yoga well done. Just leave it now - you have your answer. He's a player or at very least a total cock.

I hope you find something that really is nice for you, and makes you feel good all the time, because that's how it should be... whether a relationship or a FWB that still applies!