Honey traps and stunning women aplenty - dating thread 20!

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20!!!!!!

Bloody hell :)

Anuvvamuvva I love you too! You are awesome!

Snape, everything anuvvamuvva says, by the letter!! Love it!!!!

Omg, I had the same message from a man in Arizona. I've had 2 views from France and one from Norway - what IS the point?

I'm going to live my life by that 10 point plan, anuvvamuvva.

Sponge do you want quality or quantity? If it's quantity you are after then fair enough, get the baps out for the twats boys, but if you want quality, leave a little to the imagination and leave the baps under cover. You have to be patient!

Can I ask a question about esteem?
When my ex finished with me he treated me to a lovely character assisnation saying he made all the effort in the relationship, that he couldn't take me on holiday as I'd go quiet and we end up coming home (not true), and that i made him unhappy most of the time and that i never listened to him.
Basically he had nothing good to say about me. The ex before him told me I was fat.
Now I'm Internet dating (well not dating as I can't get past messaging) I find my esteem is dreadful.
Any tips in how to drag myself off the floor please ladies?

Scatty please disregard anything your Exs say about you - certainly the ones that end on bad terms. They say shit like this to be hurtful, and it is not worth dwelling on (take it from me as someone who got told they were fat, ugly, frigid, lazy on a daily basis by the Evil Ex). Men who have to be insulting and nasty to make a point - their opinion isnt worth bothering with.

Dating is shit though, I'm often told I have high self esteem, inner belief etc, yet I really really struggle with the constant rejection - or indeed at present the complete lack of any interest (which is not something I am used to). I don't know whether its worth spending a short while away from dating focussing on yourself maybe? Doing some pampering, etc? That tends to make me feel better at least in the short term. That and remembering most men are idiots :)

Just to add Time yes I know - quality is better. But I have no patience & get bored! Plus honestly I haven't tried to attract a man with anything else since I was about 21...this is all unchartered territory

Thank you sponge. And I know you are correct. My painted a picture of himself being compeltely right and me the one who ruined that relationship and it sticks.
Yes you are so right in that if someone can't take the time to respectfully explain their part in a relationship there are worth not a second thought. Harder to do though.
I too struggle with the rejection and lack of interest. I never used to have this problems.
Maybe Ill take some time off from it.
Mdme O -have you learned emotional resilience as you have gone along?

Scatty There is a mantra you must recite in these cases which is:
"All that shit you're throwing in my direction? It says everything about you, and nothing about me"
Opinions of bitter exes are always to be disregarded. The only power they percieve themselves to have is the power to hurt, whereas in reality the best revenge is to live well, indifferent to the bitterness of those we have moved on from and are infinitely better than

Scatty I have severe PMT today so not feeling particularly resilient BUT overall the answer is YES. Coming through an abusive relationship with the support of lovely people and seeing around me all the respectful and loving partnerships that I knew I deserved means I will not settle for less.
I also have an impressive twat-spotting radar

'and remembering most men are idiots'
thats the thing Sponge once the sex-euphoria thing wears off you're just left with another bloke who gets on your nerves

I just dont think they are worth the effort...

scatty my kids dad, 'no one else is ever going to love you, I mean, single parent three kids. No one would take that on' well, that was his guilt speaking, although, admittedly my nasty little internal catholic nun casts that up if I'm feeling low or unloved or chubby. My self esteem can be pretty fucking shite at times (in love with best friend for almost three years, takes its toll) on top of that the chap I was kinda seeing that I had sex with on the 4th date, who never phoned me again and catweazle-runner then sometimes you feel shitty crap.

Then there's a little light. Yeah, ok, stealth boast. New profile has been up for just over a week. 300 views. 75 messages. Not all potatoes. Gorgeous, clever, sexy man taking me out for swanky dinner on Wednesday (then nailing me) although I am horribly cynical (really) all it takes is one person.

I got a reply from the tranny I messaged earlier. It was really sweet and appreciative. That's made my day 10 times more than filth texts from the prof or PM viewing my OKC (panic! Shit!)

Respect without agenda Snape Nice innit?

There you go then Sponge, if you have been doing the same thing to attract men since you were 21, it's no surprise you are still attracting the same type, cos, if you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you always got!!

Just watched the film Stepfather. I'm scared!!

Mercury a woman after my own heart!

Sponge I think it's definitely worth spending time away from men and dating to focus on yourself. I think you do have a good amount of self confidence, but not when it comes to men, something happens when it comes to men. Anyway, the nights are drawing in, Winter is on it's way, it's nearly heating on, curtains closed and cosy PJ time!! Hooray!!

Scatty take no notice - I think someone givesz them a script to read from! My ex also to me I made him unhappy most of the time and never listened...seriously, word for word. He was just trying to justify why he had to fuck someone else. They have to blame u to make themselves feel better. xx

Ok, anuvva let's break it down.

1. Absolutely I can do this and I can leave an hour between non-immediate texts as well.

1. Oh I know you're right, but I'm one of natures soothers, I like helping people feel happy. I have occasionally, when he's been down, initiated 'fuck them, you're awesome, we're a team' emails. Distance is good. I will, if I may check in with MN before I do 'owt daft.

1. I have a couple on a back burner. It's difficult for me to not be monogamous - case on point I have been stupidly enamoured of PM for three years, so I haven't really contemplated other MN. There's been an occasional (alright, one) lapse where I just needed to get my bumps bumped. He was a tit though and I do really like the prof. I feel a bit undecided/ guilty about him, but he has made it very clear its a fling because he thinks I don't want more kids and (I'm ancient!) that might not technically be possible, I stumble between the polar opposites of 'I love PM/fuck me just absolutely FUCK ME! Look at the prof!

1. No, no I don't but we do kinda have a 5 day a week gym arrangement. I'm really not happy at having to get up at 5 to avoid PM at gym and then ge'll twig that something is up.

1. Fun, I'm having 'fun'. . I can act the shit out of this.

1. I am hot. This is easy,

1. Fuck no, I am stealth.

1. It will kill me. Every single day will kill me. That's fine, I embrace suggested deadline of 5th November (my mums birthday) as it gives me considerably longer than original cosmic ordering deadline of end of sept.

1. Happy. Check.

10. Hot. Check.

And thank you, for taking the time as caring enough to post all of that. I do very much appreciate it. :). X!

Scatty my self esteem was on the floor until quite recently. It helped me to actively choose to believe my own thoughts and opinions of myself, rather than those of twats other people. It is a choice we have, and if we make the right choice our self esteem will rise Another thing to actively do, is eliminate all those toxic people from your life, anyone who brings you down or makes you feel anything less than happy, get rid!

Amen.

Ok reply finally sent, kept it short & simple!

"I can't keep doing this, you need to make up your mind whether you want to be with me or not."

Was feeling strong when I sent it but now not so much. He's going to say not. Then he's going to ask if we can still be friends.

"I can't keep doing this, you need to make up your mind whether you want to be with me or not."

I LOVE THIS! PERFECT BLOODY PERFECT! Good for you. Bloody awesome.

Doubly brilliant too, because it's how men communicate: short, to the point, no emoional faffage. I LOVE IT. You can hold your head up high! Only a woman of completely fantastically high self-esteem and hair-tossing awesomeness would have had the wisdom and guts to send such a perfect message. That message says: "Fuck you, ditherer, I am a woman with options."

Don't send a single other message to him now. THAT WAS PERFECT.

If anything was going to "work" (i.e., make him realise you're the woman he must have), it was that exact message.

Don't cave in! Spend the rest of tonight doing The Plank and searching for men online who live in your area. Don't contact them - just search. Amazing how that makes you realise you are a Woman With Options.

The only acceptable reply from him is, "I want to be with you," with immediate plans to get together in person.

Anything else - "I need time to think, it's 60 miles, my car just isn't economical, maybe next year when I get a diesel," etc gets NO REPLY (caps = important) from you.

yoga. You are 50 shades of absolute fucking awesome. Wear your incredibly huge balls as a trophy of excellence.

And if wants to 'be fwiends' fuck him. Fuck him up the arse with a hedgehog.