The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

soma - that was very kind. i too have a 'there but for the grace...' feeling when I think about my cousin who is alcoholic and whose kids have been taken off her

alias - strength to you for this afternoon. you can do it and you will feel so much better if you do! i know how you feel about the normalisation of alcohol too. every time anyone i mention to anyone about things going wrong, DS breaking his arm, exH coming over for party tea, work making people redundant, the response to me is always 'gin is the only answer' or 'time for some wine when you get home'. not sure if that's because people know i (used to) drink or whether that is generally thought to be the clever thing to do. i am sure, in theory, chilling out with a nice cold G+T would be lovely. but it would be one pint of G+T, followed by another in my case, and the bottle would be 3/4 empty by the time i went to bed...

well, we are definitely picking the kittens up after school. eek. hopefully that will make the fact that my exH is coming over for his birthday tea slightly less painful. i would rather the kittens had a nice quiet couple of hours to settle in but i guess that's highly unlikely with the 2 kids being overexcited!

someone new on the bus has just mentioned that they looked originally for this thread in 'Health' topics.

That's where I first looked too when I joined. I don't understand why its in 'Relationships', would it not help lurkers looking for support to find it in 'Health' ?

Just a thought...

Day 3 for me!! Feeling so good within, now I have made the decision to stop drinking, but am so glad you are all here just in case.....!
So pleased that there are new people joining as well, I hate being the new person for ages & it makes me feel good that there are others out there just like me!
Now all I need to do is get to know all of you & stay off the cider!

Hi fellow peeps on the bus, been an interesting day on this bus for me today. Just went to a drop-in/hub type place that my GP suggested after seeing him this morning. Sat with a lovely lady and the more I answered her questions the more I realised just what a big problem I do have with alcohol. Felt quite embarrassed answering some of the questions but thought better to be honest than pretend I'm a normal drinker!

Thanks for your advice SwallowedAfly I have considered AA in the past and each time get a little closer to attending a meeting, I've spoke to a member via e-mail and know where the nearest meeting is but never took it to the next step as a) have this denial of oh I can handle this and b) quite terrified of what to expect.
Well done sobasoma hearing about your act of kindness this morning really touched me, I'm sure we would all hope but for the grace of God sometimes not be there but if we were that someone somewhere would help, you sound like you were truely that man's guardian angel
nonono good luck with your little kittens. Totally get where your coming from about it would be nice to have a nice, cold glass of something to relax, but like you mine never stops with the glass

After meeting with the lovely lady at the drop in place earlier she is referring me for individual counselling around my issues with alcohol and may then be referred for psychology? It definitely feels like I'm moving in the right direction but have a wedding on Friday so that will be a big test, hope I can just stay off all booze and wake up on Saturday without the usual dread and shame!

Alias as a resident 'oldie' (getting close to 2 years now ), I can tell you that Brave Babes is in relationships because it was started by JesusWhatNext who was in dire straits over her relationship with DH and DD due to her drinking.
I guess we all have a (bad) relationship with alcohol, and we do discuss our other relationships as well...
I'm not sure how the traffic goes on each part of MN but I suspect relationships may be busier than health and we are usually near the top of the page, so should be pretty visible I think.
Soma you are a really kind soul to look after that lad, what a sad tale.

Blackouts and outrageous and nasty behaviour were what brought me here to the bus, it sounds like enough is enough for you clutter this could be your moment to make a great change in your life - good luck!

Agree with those who suggest the Babes might be better suited to the Health section but I think the reason that it's in Relationships is because the venerable JWN (not because she's old of course but because we're all so grateful that she started this thread) posted it here because she was convinced her drinking was going to wreck her marriage.

X-posted Bproud, hope you're good - how are things with work?

Hi Soma not great at the moment, work is very stressful anyway, and redundancy thing is very unsettling, it won't be actioned for a while yet, but people are very much on edge. I decided to work from home this afternoon , hence the MNing to get away from the pressure for a while.
BTW DN is back at school part time, so a big improvement there, how is DD, is she happy back at school?

Thanks Bproud I'm only on day 3 of sobriety and probably still hungover but actually feel happier for taking steps today and speaking out to someone other than my dh, hope you enjoyed your day at home

I'm an "oldie" then as well Bproud, how strange that I always think of myself as a new girl

I was about to say much the same as you, I think that in the first few days or weeks, it is all about the drinking, how much, when, what you may have or have done, remorse, anger, self-loathing and all else that follows on once you have made that admission to yourself. I spent days of hating every single thing about myself and going over the past with a fine toothcomb, not to my benefit! , until someone (you know who you are Isinde!) said that they would send the babes round , if I didn't stop beating myself up.

Since the "early days" I have been able to talk about lots of thing here,
I have managed to stop (nearly) thinking and obsessing about thingsthat happened a while ago, in fact I have a navajo saying in my kitchen " Don't let yesterday take up too much of today", it's a hard one, but worth trying to do!

That sounds a bit glib, but this thread is about so much more than just the drinking, and I don't really mind where it is, as long as it is!

Hello to all, great to see lots of new babes busy settling in on the bus

clutter hope I can just stay off all booze and wake up on Saturday without the usual dread and shame

I just wanted to suggest that you don't leave it to 'hope' because that's what got you into a pickle last time. Careful planning of your 'not drinking' is required. Make sure you know exactly what you're going to have for your first drink. Practice saying it outloud.

Don't let yourself get hungry, take some snacks to surreptitiously nibble if you need to.

Write down a list of reasons for not drinking and keep it handy in your bag. Nip off to the loo to read it and remind yourself. Would it be possible to have a friend on standby at the end of the phone so that you can call them if you feel yourself wobbling?

Lastly, remember it's only the first drink you have to avoid. It's just one drink. As long as you don't have that first one, you will be fine.

Bproud 4 years ago I was made redundant from a job I'd been in for almost 18 years so I know how unsettling it can be - the process took ages but once everything had been sorted out I was able to make a fresh start. I'm very glad now that I'm not there anymore and have managed to find new, more meaningful work. Glad that your DN is making such good progess - DD is very happy in year 8 thanks but seems to spend far too much time BBMing her mates!

Faire you are dead right about the planning. I always bang on about it, but you really need to put as much planning into not drinking as you do into drinking.
Let's face it we would never allow ourselves to be without an alcoholic drink in the house - so now stock up on the very best of favourite soft drinks.

Out socially, I watched where the next drink was coming from like a hawk, now I think about what soft drinks I will have in advance, and if I don't think there will be what I like I take it with me. Maybe a bit rude to refuse my host's coca-cola or orange juice because I am fussy and don't like them, but not half as rude as getting pissed and lairy.
I have even taken my own drinks to a wedding, because hotels never serve an alternative to champagne for the toasts so I take my own elderflower fizz, but then I am a stroppy cow

Thanks soma I am fairly sanguine, and will wait to decide what to do, the choice is redundancy or a move to central London, neither of which are ideal, but much worse for my colleagues with young children.
It makes me smile to think of your DD going to my old school! I wonder if the hole in the fence is still in the woods by the lane where I used to escape and bunk off.

Thanks Fairenuff hadn't really thought of it that way and always end up feeling like I'm so weak cos I always end up drinking but have never, ever really planned a night that would help me not to. Going to take all your tips and use all of them for wedding on Friday. I am (going to try so hard) not to give in

rural - how did it go?

I am so exhausted. Sick of this now. hopefully will be feeling better tomorrow. Kids are snotty and coughing so it is doing the rounds

Survived the ex coming to tea. Kids had a lovely time. Normally I would have been grabbing the wine as soon as he was out the door. But the thought never crossed my mind tonight

The kittens are a huge distraction. They are hilarious. Both v brave when the kids went to bed. Spent far too long playing with them and now CBA to tidy the playroom. Ah well. Shut the door on it

Night brave babes

bproud thanks for explaining why the bus is here, it all makes sense now.

clutter I would second and third what everyone else has said, you have to plan Saturday night & not leave to chance. It helps to have someone else on your side.

My best tactic so far (if I'm not completely abstaining) is to delay the first alcoholic drink as much as possible. I don't feel too miserable if 'allowed' wine later on.... if you wait till after the meal then you feel more in control and won't drink half as much. And dilute everything or spritz it.

Day 6. Work was driving me potty, but alcohol doesn't help. Actually I think I dealt with things better - my usual tactic would have been - ignore problem, stick-head-in-sand in knowledge that I can get drunk later. Now I'm actually trying harder to solve problems.

oh NoNo do we get to see any photos of kittens?! You're a star for what must have been an exhausting day.

clutter - think of your three worst memories of drinking, the three worst times and get them really clear in your head (i'm guessing trying to climb out of a pregnant woman's car at 70mph would be a good fresh one) and store them. a guy gave me the tip that you need to keep them close to you like you'd keep pictures in your wallet and when you get tempted to drink at the wedding you can take them out and have a look at them.

haven't put it to use yet but the idea is it counters the oh what's the harm it's only a drink, it's sociable etc minimisation that your brain suddenly deludes itself into when the booze is trying to lure you in. having those 3 snapshots handy and vivid is the reality check.

and as faire said know what you're going to order, never run out of a drink, always have a drink in your hand. once when i was doing the on and off the wagon routine and was off and doing well with it i walked up to a bar and i was daydreaming or whatever and hadn't got planned what i was going to order - suddenly the barman was there asking me what i wanted and my mind was blank and 'large white wine please' just popped out of my mouth

also use the opportunity to observe people drinking around you. watch the way people drink, the way they behave etc etc. think about how you'd be drinking and compare and contrast. use it as a learning experience- i found it really interesting. the more conscious you are of what normal relationships with alcohol look like and the abnormal the less you're able to delude yourself i think.

like i thought about the way that my parents can open a bottle of wine on a sunday to have a glass each and maybe top up their glass half an inch at some point and then put the cork in and leave it till the following friday say when one will say, 'ooh shall we have a glass of wine with dinner? is there one open?' or the people who can go to the pub for 'one' and literally have one and no, it isn't because they're secure in the knowledge there's a bottle waiting for them at home.

sorry too long a post but keep remembering that you don't know where it will end up if you take that first drink. face that you're not in control of it (and get your snapshots out to prove it to yourself). it's that first drink you have to stay away from.

oh and have an exit strategy planned - rehearse in your head what you will say and how you will get away from there if you need to leave because it's too hard or because you've just had enough.

when drinking i found i was always one of the last to leave because i didn't want to stop drinking - i was always quite horrified when it was clear people really were stopping and making noises to call it a night. it's actually fine to leave at a decent hour if you're ready to.

Great tips Saf

I like the idea of the snapshots. It's a bit like seeing the movie through to the end, clutter. In your mind, fast forward the evening. See yourself accepting that small glass of welcoming wine and watch how you down it and fidget around waiting for others to be ready for the next drink.

Watch yourself top up your glass more often than anyone else and see how you become more lively and animated, then perhaps a little too loud and boisterous.

See how you sway up to the bar to keep drinking after the meal. How you lose your carefully planned poise as you whirl around the dance floor, bumping into people.

Watch yourself slumped in your seat, squinting because your are starting to lose focus, breathing fumes all over the people next to you as you shout in their face about something really important that you will have forgotten the next day.

See the end of the move where your carefully applied makeup is smudged, your eyes are red, your outfit crumpled, your shoes left lying wherever you kicked them off.

See the morning after, waking with a throbbing head, parched, queasy and full of horror at what you might have done the night before but just can't remember.

That first drink doesn't seem so harmless now does it?

Sorry for the long post, clutter, don't mean to lecture you or bully you, I hope you take it as it's intended, as support

Right, another busy day ahead here babes but I will check back in later.

Mouse are you ok? I know you're super busy with a million and one things but would be lovely to hear from you if you get a chance.

< leaves crumbly cheese, warm bread rolls and hot chocolate in an attempt to lure mousie > x

oh faire you've reminded me of my shoe issues - the amount of times i've staggered around somewhere with only one eye working trying to find my shoes

Hi all, just checking in, still alcohol free:)