The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

but msgee if it doesn't effect you, if it doesn't lead you to crave more and it works without causing damage to you or your family or peace of mind then i can't see the harm to be honest. do you think your concerns were when you were dealing with emotional problems by drinking and it was getting a bit out of control? if that is what it is then it's great you took action and you'll be alert if it starts heading that way again and hopefully you can avoid ever becoming alcoholic. so glad dh is on your team

for me because i have become alcoholic what you're describing would be impossible for me. i might pull it off by the skin of my teeth for a while but in reality my head would be fucked from obsessing about it and trying not to drink for those other 5 days and i doubt it would stay five days for long at all.

no expert but i think if you can drink like that without it triggering cravings or leading to a slippery slope then you're ok. like everyone you have to avoid becoming alcoholic (and probably we should educate people on that more iyswim - that it's not alky from day one or fine for the rest of your life - i've met plenty of people who didn't drink till they were older, were never big drinkers then had a patch of using alcohol as a crutch and heavy drinking and 'became' alcoholic).

sorry waffling on!

but it's like you faire - you have got it narrowed down to rare and very light drinking and seem to manage that fine. some at aa would say you're a dry drunk but i don't see that in you - maybe for you too it was that you took action before you became alcoholic when you were on a slippery slope. obviously you have to avoid getting back on that slippery slope because you know you're able to get on there iyswim but you're ok with controlled drinking for now.

sorry seems like sunday is the day of saf's waffling monologue.

I agree with what you say Saf. MsGee how long have you managed to drink like this and what sort of a drinker were you before? I've given up trying to be a controlled drinker because having one or two nearly always triggers cravings and leads to a binge. But as even drinking this small amount is causing uncertainty just keep paying attention to what your head is telling you and see how it goes.

I'm doing so well on antabuse and I just wish it were that easy when I'm not taking it. How can a pill that actually does nothing but make you sick if you drink change the way you think about alcohol? I have no cravings when I'm on it so it must simply be the fact that I know I'll get sick if I drink on it that's got rid of them. My challenge will be to maintain that way of thinking when I come off it and right now I have no idea how I'm going to do it. I'm seeing the GP next week and no doubt she'll tell me to go to AA or back to the recovery group I was with, but I'm not a person who finds groups that useful (I know they work for a lot of people though) and feel I need to work it out on my own.

Carrie I often wonder if alcohol would be legal if it were introduced now and I can't see how that would happen. It's such a dangerous drug and many other illegal substances pale into insignificance in comparison. Obviously there's no way it would be prohibited now but there's simply got to be better education available. I wonder if DD's had anything yet in her PHCSE classes - I know they've covered illegal drugs but not sure about booze.

saf I did this a few months back and I did spiral out of control. So I am under no illusion ... It's worked this week and last. Before that I drank nothing. Before that I was glugging from the bottle after DH was in bed.

Soma saf I have been a problem drinker for years, on the bus for two years. Mostly around a bottle of wine a night.

I know I am better teetotal and I know I probably won't keep the balance of weekend drinking. The difference is that I am no longer in denial - if I overstep the mark by an inch both DH and I discuss it and will rid the house of booze. I can no longer brush off an extra glass - I have accepted that I am a problem drinker. I just haven't quite accepted the solution!

Soma

I know I'll get sick if I drink on it that's got rid of them. My challenge will be to maintain that way of thinking when I come off it

Everyone who drinks gets sick. Alcohol makes all of us ill. It's a poison.

Hangovers can be horrendous and leave no doubt of this but there is a sort of 'hidden' illness that you don't even know is there until you stop drinking. Then your body (hopefully) recovers and you realise that you have more energy, more time, more motivation - well I do anyway. I don't think we realise quite how ill we make ourselves when we drink because we live with it, day in, day out and sort of get used to running on half-empty.

Regarding occasional drinking. I do still sometimes have those cravings, set off by triggers. But they are not powerful like they used to be. It's a bit like fancying a cupcake when I walk past the bakery, or pizza when my dcs make it, but I have to make a choice of what's best for me right now. They soon pass and I don't give it another thought.

When I do drink, I find it's very different now. I can't drink like I used to because my body won't tolerate it any more. Two glasses and I'm feeling 'tipsy', three and I start to feel sleepy. I'm happy to call myself a 'lightwieght' these days

to the runners: i did the couch to 5k week one and i did not die! it was hard (as in definite sweat production and working hard to get breath back to somewhere near normal on the walking bits) but doable itms. also feel quite proud that i gave it a go.

i'm thinking it will be easier next time in the sense that i've done it once already so know i can do it. i was massively relieved this time when she said 'you only have 2 runs left' as i thought i was less than halfway through and was beginning to doubt my ability to complete it without a heart attack

i did it in a field with longish grass track and uneven so i'm thinking maybe that counts for something as in a bit harder than level mowed ground?

Afternoon, tis me, Mouse

Saf - well done on the couch to 5K, I wish I could exercise. I miss the gym so much. Cleaning is as much as I can bear these days.

What? What was that I heard you ask? You thought I'd gotten a cleaner to help me? Well, yes I have. After three weeks of list after list after talking through lists, she isn't getting it.

She has this month to 'get' it and then I'm sacking her. She's from a professional company so you'd think sh'ed be shit hot. Nope.

She's also caused damage to various object around the home..... DH is not a happy DH.

MsGee - you sound as if you know exactly what you want and that you're in control, for now at least. You also know just how precious your sobriety (your version as such) is to you so you're less likely to fuck it up I think......

Squidges to LittleMsGee

Koti - I'm really worried about you. Will PM you x

We kind of managed 'date night' last night, Nemo refused sleep til almost 9pm. He so needs pre-school! He's a very needy child but mentally so too, he needs input!

DD went out last night with some friends, to the fair in the nearest town to us. She confessed to having 'something' to drink. I'm not sure if she was excited and thought it big of her to tell me, or that she knew I wouldn't go mental, I knew before so told me, it was written all over her face, she was almost excited.

We talked about it for a while and I said that if she wants me to let her go out, to go to places like that, or anywhere to be fair, she needs to be safe and earn my trust each and every time from here on in.

I was 14 when I went into my first pub drinking, that's next I suppose... mind you, at least they have ID these days. I have to say that I am pleased that she told me. I'd never tell my mother anything like that. She's got to try it all for herself and I can't stop her. She has to learn that some things will bring consequences that she'll not feel too great about.

All I can do is catch her, soften the blow and try to make her understand that her life is a precious thing, you only get the one and if she's going to put herself or/and others in danger, I will step in to prevent that. I love her, she's my flesh and blood and to lose her would destroy me (and of course others) so I have to give her a little rope..............

It's not big or clever to get pissed at 13, 23, 33 etc. She's seen the mess I've gotten myself into. She NEVER forgets and will often remind me of certain memories...... kind of along the lines of 'Do you remember that night that you feel arse over tits and landed in that hole on holiday mum?'

Whilst it's illegal for her to drink under age, I doubt many of us here could say that they hadn't sneaked a tipple from their parent's stash?

When was the first time YOU had a first/second drink and how old were you, but also where?

Mouse my parents used to buy me lager in the pub on Sundays and then we all carried on drinking at home. I was 14. I used to get pissed every Sunday with my parents

My ds has tasted (as in a mouthful) champagne, smirnoff ice, beer. He says he likes them but shows no desire to have any more. He's 13. My dd has had the odd taste and says she does not like it. She is very anti-alcohol (probably from her memories of me ). She is 15.

Afternoon lovely babes,

Must be very odd thinking about what to say to teenagers regarding drinking,obviously it's best to be as honest as possible while at the same time it's not likely that they won't ever go out to a party and try booze for themselves.

I don't think I tried alcohol much as a child, probably a sip of wine at christmas but I can remember a party I went to at 14 and ended up very drunk at.We haven't decided what we will say to Ds. my dh is very liberal but that's because he has no interest in alcohol at all (lucky him) I think I will freak when it comes to allowing ds to try booze.

I'm doing ok, I had 4 af nights last week and drank a small amount with friends on friday and saturday. I'm fine with that, not delighted, think I would award myself a c grade pass rather than an A *, but at least it's not a fail

babes in the side car- keep posting and reward yourselves for however long you managed to stay sober for. I haven't managed 2 weeks in months so you seem pretty awesome to me, even if you are in the sidecar now.

Think new cat is about 2. He is a beautifully marked tabby with sad green eyes. He comes put every now and again for strokes and cuddles,then goes back to hide again. He's a big friendly boy bit just a bit overwhelmed at the moment I think. His name is Ollie

Congrats on the new cat ma.

Please do not imagine that those sad green eyes hide a troubled soul, within days he will have you trained up to feed him his very favourite & expensive foods while he lies across your bed , purring.

I love cats, but you are about to become his human slave

Love snuggling up to a purring cat on a cold, dark evening.Ollie sounds beautiful.

too true gugg
we were told to just keep him to one area initially, so kept all the bedroom doors shut (we live in a flat). Of course, with people coming and going that didn't last long and half an hour ago Ollie was "lost!". Not behind the sofa, not anywhere........until found snuggled under DS's duvet!!!
DS is a bit disappointed that Ollie hasn't moved into the new house that he painstakingly made out of a carboard box and labelled "olly's place". but if you can snag a duvet, why sleep in a box? LOL - we love him already

ma Ollie sounds lovely! I hope he settles in soon

I never drank as a teenager, I went to live abroad at 17 and wouldn't touch it. My father was an alcoholic and my mum had instilled in me such a fear and loathing of it that I actually felt quite disgusted at the thought.

That changed of course when I went to university, but it wasn't till many years later that I very gradually started to drink too much.

some interesting conversations above about what we want to achieve by quitting or controlling. I'm feeling determined to abstain for a few weeks and managed to do the shopping without buying wine.

I was thinking 'what's the harm in a couple of glasses of wine at the weekend?' The problem is I know if there was any stress it would trigger a craving. So what I want to do is find new 'instant reflex' reactions to a sudden anxiety or stress. And make this become a habit.

And only then will I 'allow' myself a drink - say at the weekend - but NOT in response to stress.

I've done this before, but have to repeat it (so hard to overcome many years of automatic habits)

Chocolate
Pilates
Dog-walking
Bubble bath
Magazine or book
Gayatri Mantra

Jigsaw puzzles
Sudoku
Knitting
Baking
Ironing
Clearing cupboards
Running
Nail painting
Chat with friend
Catching up with phone calls
Decorating
Meditating
Yoga
Zumba

....

Ma your Ollie sounds like a little darling. I rescued my cat when she was just 7 months old. She's still shy of strangers but loves us to bits

How old is dd mouse?

faire just found a new online jigsaw puzzle site

thejigsawpuzzles.com/

Not sure about ironing - I'd need to find the iron first

Evening babes,
Thanks to all who have mentioned me in posts.
Not even lurked for a couple of days and still in the side car.
Congrats to all those managing to abstain or control the demon.
nono how are you doing after your blip, I hope you are OK and saving that seat next to you for me
koti are you OK ?
really worried about you, you have been there for me when I was a late night bird and I wasn't there for you. I am so sorry about that, life is shite and I am drinking again but your life is obviously pretty shite too.
Thanks thurso faire and others for understanding that the hiding and trying to escape just sometimes even affects posting here.
Take care brave babes off to give myself another kick up the rear in the hope of taking a seat on the bus soon.

don't worry rural your seat will still be here...

Hello, can I join?

The demon drink has wrecked my life in many ways. I've lost friends, wrecked relationships and even damaged my career. I'm trying to abstain. I've been pretty good for a month, but fell off the wagon last night. My mother drinks too much and tries to sabotage my efforts.

so much going on and so much to think about as always

kotinka - i do hope you really are ok. come back and say 'hi' to us when you can

lovely to hear from you rural. my blip was a one-off. didn't enjoy it much; felt shite the next day. won't be doing it again. for a while at least. the rest of the (second) bottle of wine is sitting on the counter but BF is drinking it up tonight. i am not finding the appeal of alcohol is there. really couldn't say why i drank on friday night really. stupid

i am keeping the seat next to me warm for you rural - it will be there for you to hunker down on when you are ready

fab fab fab effort on the running sAf and yes, running on uneven or soft ground is much harder work but a lot better for you

ma - the kids and i went to the rescue centre on saturday and have reserved two kitten. eeeek! i have always had cats since i left uni but haven't had any since i left exH 2 years ago as i was in rented for 18 months. now i am settled here and we aren't going away for a bit, i have decided to get some. they aren't littermates. one is tabby and is only about 8 weeks; the other is black and is about 4 months. the tabby looked a little scared but the black one was bold as brass. i think they will be getting moshi monster names - katsuma (haha) for the tabby; and diavolo for the black one. courtesy of DS...

as for my first drink - other than the odd slug out of a rellie's glass at xmas as a child (think babycham), i think the first time i drank properly was when i was in the 6th form and when to Austria for 2 weeks on a language course. i sprained my ankle falling over a very flat bridge and it has never been the same since. we thought it was hilarious to drink a quarter of a litre of white wine through a straw in about 10 mins flat...

IKnow - of course. welcome. a month is very good going. many of us are forever falling off the back of the bus and clambering back on again, so please don't let that deter you from what you are trying to do.

Thank you.

Social occasions are hard. How does everybody cope?

I cope by not having a social life! Seriously - I just about never go out... If I do, there is almost always driving involved, which helps. But to be honest, these days I just tell people I am getting too old to deal with the hangovers, or some such excuse.

welcome IKnow

Social occasions - do you mean how do you cope with other people asking why you're not drinking? (it happens less often than you think; people are too concerned about their own drinking to care what you're doing...)

or d'you mean how to cope and stay sober on the face of offers and everybody else getting happily trollied? That's harder....

I think the general consensus on the bus is to have yourself lovely alternatives. Sparkly things with ice and stuff.

Because I don't drink coffee in the evenings, when everyone else pauses after eating a meal I usually carry on drinking. I'm trying to remember to get into the habit of asking for a herbal tea instead.

Have posted before but been"away".I was wondering, how many times have you all had a"last drink" before you really had a good shot at abstaining, those of you who are not drinking? Did the last drink seem symbolic, did it help?