The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

saf yes I have found taking the dog out will often help a bad mood! Perhaps I just need to take more exercise generally... [fat, lazy emoticon]

SAF, must try some of that "furious activity" next time I need to use up adrenaline, sounds like a good idea, I usually get it hard to settle and can't focus on anything.

it's fight or flight stuff kicked off and it needs 'using up' if you like.

that reminds me, the therapist did actually say I should take more exercise

The problem is even when I'm physically active, my mind still keeps churning away.

Afternoon lovely babes,

Day 4, not drinking. My first day four in a while.

I can't possibly tell you how marvellous it is to have my horrible situation understood. think I might luff some of you a bit now I'm not the touchy feely kind but next time I have cake, I'll send you some.

Kot - very much right, I have no regrets about my father, my lovely granddad was my father figure and my Fil is great too. Yes, I have felt guilty about wanting rid of him but I don't anymore. nono and SAF -I'm ready to tell him to stop when he calls and that will be the end of it. I'm happy to put this beastie to sleep and I wish I'd had the balls to do it years ago. Anyway, enough about me.
joey- we have a caller blocker thingy but it doesn't work on international numbers. Wonder if they make an updated version?..... Also, up your fees, you are all worth way more than 40 quid an hour. I agree with what you said about stress, that and boredom are the hardest factors for me.

Wave at upsey join me on day 4. Think the powerless idea can help you (me anyway) to move on from the negative cycle of 'I'm a bad person that's why I drink, I had a drink, I feel guilty, think I'll finish the bottle' Repeat till very ill indeed. Maybe re write it a way which makes more sense to you?

rural are you ok?

Hi babes Just checking in, feeling a whole lot happier since one of the friends I mentioned in my rant about treachery at the weekend has come round with a huge bunch of flowers (and guess what ... a bottle of wine) and a card that says they (the three of them) are all thinking of me (at the wedding they are going to for my Ex and his tart - for those who I haven't bored with domestic issues)

Feel a bit bad that I gave the donor 20 questions .... but she was lovely. Those who said I was being a silly bint (or in so many words), you were right. But it's very hard. I am going to get a handle on the drinking when it's all over on Sunday.

Sorry to rant. I'm talking shit, having drunk the bottle I was given, When it's all over, I am planning to start again

koti gugg nonoand all the babes who asked I AM ok but in the side car and still lurking.
So much going on and being said on this thread at the moment and so sorry I am not up to being involved.
Intend to give myself a kick up the rear and get back on board asap.
Take care, thinking of you all

Dear Rural it goes like that sometimes, I do know.
Don't kick yourself, just come back when you feel like it.
Love to you
T xxxx

Morning Babes,

rural, I hope you are ok this morning, please take care, and please post if you want to talk.

Very blowy here today, Autumn for definite!

Morning all

rural - missing you. The seat next to me is empty so hop back on when you are feeling up to it

Soooo tired. But at least I am not hungover. There is a blessing. A month for me on the bus now with only 2 drinks in that time. I always knew that drinking made my periods worse and it does. No painkillers required this month as no cramps. And the premenstrual sweating was so much better too. So there is another positive!

Haha NoNo I love it how you make And the premenstrual sweating was so much better too sound like a positive

Or maybe it's just my weird sense of humour

Well, it's Forge on Through Friday for those of us heading straight through the weekend. Plan ahead babes, set yourself some goals, what do you want to achieve tomorrow and will you be able to do it with a hangover?

For me, it helps to have an 'automatic' response to a sudden and unexpected trigger. Those, ime, can be the ones that trip you up. Mine is the bathroom! If I need peace, rest, calm or I need thinking time I have a long bubble bath. I have lots of different 'smellies' to either soothe or revitalise as appropriate. I don't know if they work but they're a lovely treat and I like them

If I'm angry or upset I get the cleaning stuff out and give the bathroom a good scrub. That also gives me some thinking time to plan my next move. And best of all, I can lock myself in there so no-one can bother me

Blanket used to take her laptop to bed and post from there - a great stategy

< waves to Blanket if she's lurking >

Thurso lovely to hear from you again, kind and sujpportive as ever x

Rural just wanted to say that you can still post from the sidecar if you want to x

Love to all, catch up later

Ooops NoNo I meant to say, congratulations on getting through your first month. Two drinks, is nothing really, a drop in the ocean (literally) and you have done so well. It just goes to show that you can do it and hopefully you will gain strength from that knowledge. Well done you old sausage!

PS I did 1.5 mins running and 1 minute walking for a mile yesterday and it seems to be where I'm comfortable at the moment so will stick to that for a little while and try to build up to 2 mins running.

Oh yes the premenstrual sweating thing was meant to be a slight p1ss take of myself. As we get older these inglorious things are to be celebrated. I for instance am hugely grateful that my pelvic floor is unscathed after 2 vaginal births and running throughout both pregnancies up until my 3rd trimester. I can bounce on a trampoline without weeing myself and I am grateful for that. I may have boobs that look like a single satsuma in a net big enough for a dozen but at least I don't need tena ladies yet

I think that is what life is about really. Being grateful for what we do have! I am grateful that I am well enough to run as it keeps me sane

Very well done on your mile yesterday. That is absolutely the way to go and you will be surprised at how quickly you build up from that!

Morning, tis me, Mouse

Oh where to start.................... LONG, MOANING, ME ME ME POST ALERT

I've skim-read back and seen that we have new faces so welcome to the new passengers x

Tuesday was a difficult day but the strangest thing was that my lovely friend didn't cry until she saw that I was there. We arrived late after hitting traffic and road works that hadn't been announced on the travel news.

Anyway, DH stayed outside with Nemo running around and I sat quietly at the back until the end of the service. As the family left, I managed to get behind a small group and then 'appear'.

She threw her arms around me and we just stood there for all to see, blocking the doorway sobbing in each others arms.

Her DH said that was the first time that she'd actually let anything out and I feel honoured that I was there for her when it happened. We then went on to the wake and talked about her darling mother and all of the wonderful moments we'd shared in her life, the stories of her own exploits, the strange things that the family had found since she'd passed away - 15 packs of 3 pair brand new M&S knickers, 3 bottles of unwrapped perfume that all three DD's now have.... just things that made us all chuckle.

We had to drive home as the people we were going to stay with had a poorly baby and DH so we decided it wouldn't be fair to land on them at 9pm.

So I managed a 6.5 hour round journey but only by the skin of my teeth. I'm still suffering with the pain and have been drinking all week. Not much, a vodka and slimline tonic and a glass of wine, not more than that most nights, I've been passing out as soon as Nemo has been going to sleep so that I could too.

It's good to read that so many Babes are still posting and updating even if it's a post about drinking, what's the point in lying about it? It;s only a lie to you after all.

Nemo and pre-school are going well, I've just changed his hours to suit him and me better so he has a full day Tuesday, Thursday and a half day Friday, equalling his 15 entitled hours.

We also have a date for his next cleft palate pre-op assessment. September 27th. I knew it was coming and of course I want him to be 'fixed mechanically' as one of his HCP once said! I'm just going to gently simmer and work myself up gradually to a tangled ball of fear, panic, worry, etc between now and then because of all of the past fuck-ups with his post op care.

I need to stay with him and I need a proper bed to sleep on because of my own disability which I'll explain when we go to Manchester.

I've been thinking about my drinking rather a lot of late but I think it's because I'm drinking more, more than the odd one or two. It has to stop but my meds have also been changed again too so I'm hoping that once I come off Gabapentin and Amitriptyline, I'll feel better. I will then be on 180mg of Zomorph, (slow release morphine), 4-6mg of diazepam and 800mg of ibuprofen twice daily, with Oramorph in between to cushion the blow as the meds wear off.

Nemo going into pre-school more means more strain on me until his statement comes through. They (ThePowersThatBe) have indicated that ater the October half term, it should be in place so that we can start the separation process and his key worker can begin her training.

So much paperwork, ifs, buts and maybes. We did however get the money from the Family Fund for Nemo's iPad so that we can download educational SALT games, listening games, hand eye coordination games, that sort of thing. He can't use a mouse on a PC as his fine motor skills are why out so it's all about him being rewarded for completing a task which is why we thought of that. He touches the screen and gets it right, big y face!

DD is MUCH better, she's eating and looks so much better in herself, brighter eyes, more boingy, more settled. I was wondering what had changed. Her father isn't seeing her currently and following the drama of a few weeks back, I am supporting her 100%.

Anyway, that's me. I've not read this back so sorry for typos.

Saf - you sound in great form given the time of year. I know that in the past you'd be wobbling big time by now and wanting to run a mile..... I guess you can now?

I understand your worry of getting out of the disability system. I really hope that someone can help you there. I guess they'd look to assess you on paper rather than physically because of how you have been in past months during this time of year. You know where I am xx

Obrigada - BLOOMIN WELL DONE YOU!!!!! I AM SO VERY PLEASED TO SEE HOW WELL YOU'RE DOING

A HUGE well done on those who are managing to not drink at all and who have reached milestones of days, weeks, months etc.... KEEP GOING!

Time to get ready for pre-school. DH is out all day....... with work and again, I'm needing the routine back as much as him. I need him at work, DD at school and my day to be MY DAY!

Be back later, sorry for the epic post. I hope you're all still there?

Just want to check in, am lurking and reading all your posts with interest and like Thurso the thread, along with the antabuse, is keeping me strong. It really does feel as if this time, I know my future must not involve drinking at all and I need to get used to the idea. Love to all x

so glad for this thread. Have been feeling down and thought about giving in and drinking when I come on here and see all the support.

saf talking about doing exercise guilted inspired me to think about cycling again - was wondering about cycling this morning - but I didn't do it and now feel bad.

It's occurred to me that I was on seroxat for about 15 years and now on nothing. My mental health may be fragile and I should be kind to myself instead of thinking 'I feel awful so I may as well have a drink'.

mouse good to hear from you

Hello lovely babes, ive just popped back to keep in touch, hope that's ok and that someone still remembers me!

My drinking is ok. Just weekends, odd glass during the week but all manageable.

Big news is that LittleMissGee started school this week. She is amazing. So confident. By Thursday I though shed be knackered but we went swimming and she went in the pool in her float jacket for the first time and swam about! She amazes me. I'm even coping with work.

I'm still very much struggling with the loss of the baby last year. Very anxious and don't get out as much as I should. Couldn't even get to a friends funeral this week

But all in all I'm doing ok. Hope you all are too. I think of you all lots, so keep my seat clean!

not sure who's on cleaning duty msgee - so good to see you! glad to hear the drinking is ok. sorry to hear the anxiety is getting in the way a bit. soooo good to see you

mouse - glad the funeral went as well as it could do.

aj - i haven't been running yet which means it won't happen till at least monday now so don't be guilt tripped by me - i just talk a good wall

have been watching my calories and trying to lose a bit of weight and eat better this week finally feel like i can get the eating under control - that only took 5 months then! think i'll have lost quite a bit this week gauging by how i feel and jeans fit. huzzah!

hope everyone is feeling prepared for friday night - i have a mars bar lined up for later when ds is in bed as my 'treat'. just quite looking forward to getting into my jammies and a big cardi - getting chilly here.

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Now then, where are we all on this lovely Autumnal night? The air is cool and getting crisp out there, I've just had a wander down the garden to see the tree where the boys are (the tree we planted for the triplet boys we lost) and make sure it's ready for the pending winter.

DH has gone out to get take-away and has just arrived home so I'm off to eat. I will try and pop back soon.

Be Brave Babes xx

Hi mouse,good to hear from you and sorry times are tough but glad memo is getting some help. Of course you will be worried about his op but try and focus on how much it will help him.
I am drinking steadily at the most - no reason or excuse other than laziness and habit. Keep meaning to diet and exercise again - well done faire on the running - but can't be arsed. Hate the way I look but not enough to do anything about it. Meh!

.

well the fun never stops here; took DD and dog for a lovely long walk in the park this afternoon - managed to get lost

Me: I'm using the cows as a reference point
DD: But the cows keep moving!

Got home to find that the park has TODAY issued an alert about e.coli, 8 visitors ill, wildlife especially cows are suspected. Of course we traipsed all through cow shit, DD was picking up sticks etc and (hygiene not being my strong point) when she was snotting all over her face & cardigan I merely tutted at the lack of having a tissue.

(there was a notice up, but with my tenous grasp of biology I though e.coli was something to do with ponds )