The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

x posted - morning faire

morning

car in garage for MOT so i am fretting. and then i find out that everyone in my department is going to be put at risk of redundancy. so i start panicking like hell. spiralling out of control now and want to cry. if i lose my job, i can't afford to pay my mortgage. at the moment i work part-time (weds - fri) and am home with the kids on mon / tues every week, which is the days i have them. they go to their dad thurs / fri. if i lose my job i will have to find another immediately and there is no way i will find a part-time job round here. i will have to take a full time job which means i won't get the time i have currently with the kids which will absolutely kill me. and then i will have to put them in childcare, which will cost me more. and as it is i will be earning less for full-time work than i do for part-time now. just want to cry.

Morning babes. day 3 which is the first time for a long time. Fairenuff thanks for the squeeze and I am definitely not going to wobble today. I've discovered this timer thing on my phone and I've been setting it to beep at midnight when I've done another day. It's reassuring to see it counting down all day and thinking that's another minute/10 mins/hour done. I know it sounds a bit silly but I'm finding it helpful at the moment. 13hrs, 59mins, 28 secs to go.

thanks kotinka. i know what the job situation is like though. for the past 6 years i have been trying to get a more local job. my company is based 160 miles away and i am a mobile consultant working for them. i have been offered 4 jobs in the last 3 years which are more local and had to turn them all down because from a quality of life point of view, i would be worse off, as they were all full time and paid less than i am on now. so i DO know what will happen if i am made redundant. and that is - if i am lucky enough to get another job offer.

nono - what's the worst thing that can happen? you lose your job, you have to sign on and you get your mortgage interest paid by benefits now. so worst comes to worst and you have to switch to interest only for a while or scrape around like mad to come up with the repayment part but it IS doable out of benefits - i promise it is because i was constructively dismissed for being ill back when i had my mortgage and faced the same terror.

that's the worst that can happen and no one will die, no houses will be repossessed etc. so EVEN if the worst comes to worst it will be alright and it all likelihood it won't anyway. breathe!]]

where i'm at is that i know soon they will try and move me off of sickness benefits and onto jobseekers (even though chances of a job where you recurrently need a month or two off sick without warning are pretty non existant i reckon but i can pick up a pound coin and stand independently so i'll definitely be put in the 'well' group) and then i will be fucked.

no part time jobs around here within school hours, zero places in pre and after school club even if i could afford them and i don't drive (and never will realistically because i've tried to learn so many times and panic attacks and driving lessons are very poor bedfellows) and live in a village. not to mention that with no references or work experience for five years and health conditions i can't see me making the top of the pile in the hundreds of applicants going for even minimum wage jobs round here.

if i think about it i start panicking so i don't think about it if i can help it. it's a big part of the defering my course though because the money for it is the only safety net we have and if a few terms in i'm deemed fit for work, can't find work and get my benefits cut we will be royally screwed and there's no way i'll be able to continue studies and will be desperate for the money i've poured into fees.

sorry - it's set me off now! scary times really. but nono even if they did lay you off (and i'm guessing as a part timer with reduced benefits you're one of their cheaper members of staff so maybe that works in your favour) you would be covered by benefits till things pick up and that is what they're there for.

Oh dear, i feel bad for moaning. sorry girls. i guess i have always been very lucky and have what is actually a well paid job and a mortgage by myself. i get no support from my ex, other than a small amount of maintenance for the kids (which wouldn't help towards the mortgage at all). i am self sufficient, which i love and really appreciate. the idea of not being able to pay my bills terrifies me as i have never been in that situation before. i certainly don't have loads of money, but i have enough to be able to provide for the kids and me. it is the fear of the unknown more than anything i guess... i do have some savings (in policies which are tied up) from before i had kids - that was earmarked for paying for uni or helping them set up home, but i guess that would be eroded if i got made redundant.

on the plus side, car passed MoT, so i needn't have fretted about that. i have enough money for the regular day to day things but any one-off things like MoT / needing to call out a plumber to fix a leak stresses me out as i don't have a lot of readily available funds to call on for these things.

Hiya babes.

Day 3 and not drinking, am going to steal 'magpie' upsy's timer idea though!

Please excuse me but I'm going rant for a bit, the TT is down for his nap, so I have a little while.

Mostly I have a very easy, good life, I have no good reason to drink I'm just a lazy feck. However, like lots of us here I have a 'difficult' past, mostly caused by my feckless, alcoholic father. Ta da! Big surprise that I have an alckie parent.He left home finally when I was 9 but I hadn't seen very much of him after the age of 7 because he was out drinking all the time. My family are very old fashioned and there has been a stupid, lazy, myth that my parent's marriage fell apart for 'sad' reasons and that my father is supposidly a lovely man, you know, just a bit understood. For fuck's sake!

He left for his home country and thankfully I didn't see him again for years. He did not pay maintenance and had no contact with me when I was little and may have cared to see him.

All of that is in the past and I have dealt with it in various ways. I am also v. v. old and have no wish to see him. My problem is: every 2-3 years he tries to see me in an attempt to re kindle some affection. I have no desire for this and I am afraid of him. He lies and wheedles to try to get to me. 3 years ago he made persistant, unpleasant calls to my house repeatedly for 3 days and nights.I blocked the phone and changed numbers.

Yesterday, he 'just popped in' to see my aunt and she gave him my number because he lied to her to get it. He had to travel to this country to do this. I am not going to see him at all, I have explained my reasons to my aunt who was distressed to hear how I felt. I am terrified of this man.

When he calls and tries to see me how do I tell him where to go? Please give me some advice, I'm afraid that there is no chance of me seeing him or him having access to Ds.

kotinka - i am so sorry to hear your story. i would refuse to engage with him. if he calls, hang up. if he turns up, don't open the door. if he threatens, calls the police. you don't need to engage with him. i don't think you owe him an explanation and he wouldn't listen anyway. i'm not sure that that is helpful. i don't think you will be able to make him understand.

just had a call from a resourcing officer. my heart sank. however, i have been identified as a 'high flyer' and will be moving out of the group i am in now into a central group to focus on bids. all well and good but i am scared that they will make me travel all the time and i can't as i have the kids to look after. no-one has told me this is happening; my boss is on holiday and her deputy is as shocked as me because he didn't know this was coming.

at least if i move my job will be safe for a while but it is a a big change of role and my current boss is very understanding of my life / work balance and i am sure that the bid management function will be much less understanding of that. i need to make a decision by tomorrow morning. and all the work that i am doing has to stop and i have to pick up whatever they want me to do...

gugg - pre-emptive strike with changing your phone number again? also make clear to family they're not to give out your number in future.

if you are 100% sure you don't want contact then there's no point even going through the upset of talking to him - screen your calls, hang up if he slips through sort of thing?

do you mind me asking why he scares you?

nono - i didn't think you were moaning and i was just trying to be reassuring that when the worst happens it actually isn't the end of the world. hopefully you won't have to deal with any of that anyway but i just meant if you do it is survivable honest.

i agree with sAf - i would screen calls if you know he is likely to get in touch

kotinka - i'm afraid it's not brilliant at all, because i have no idea what it will mean for me. i am turning the job down because i am scared that they will make me travel all the time. they gave me until 9am tomorrow to make the decision and i don't even have all the facts. they didn't even know i was part time, which worried me. so i have phoned another manager in a different department, whom i also do a lot of work for, and he has encouraged me to turn it down. it may well mean i am made redundant but i cannot do this other role. for instance, the guy told me i needed to be in essex by 9am on 3/10 for an all day workshop. that is a wednesday, which is a working day for me, but i have the kids on a tuesday night, so there is no way i can get them ready and off to school and get to Essex from South Wales by 9am...

Hi there babes,

Excuse my butting in but I had to tell you all how inspiring it has been reading your thread and how courageous I think you all are.

DH has been a heavy drinker for 10+yrs and after a shocking incident is "taking it one day at a time". Reading your thread I have renewed confidence he can make a big change, and a little more understanding of what he might be going through (he is the quiet type). So I just wanted you to know you have helped me too, thanks.

Hi bunny, I have just posted on your other thread, the one to support partners of alcoholics. Great thread.

NoNo I meant to ask, I have a heart rate monitor which I wear when I run because it's very new to me and I don't want to let my heart rate get too high, so . . . how do I work out the 'safe' maximum heart rate. Is there some sort of formula taking into account age, weight, type thing?

good question faire. the brief times i've had of going to the gym my heart rate used to scare the crap out of me - would be above what the charts on the machines said it should be. yet i have seriously excellent blood pressure (off the charts low but not unhealthily so apparently). i'd love to know a bit more about it.

thanks bunny - really hope dh can make a go of it and start to see the benefits and enjoy his sobriety x

nono x posted before - scary stuff with the job offer and it's timing. think you're right to turn it down in your circumstances.

Max HR is supposed to be 220 bpm - age. So for me that would be 220 - 40 = 180. And then to work at high intensity you would be at 85% of max heart rate. Medium is 70% etc. This is all very well but plenty of people find that their max HR is way higher or lower than the theoretical max. The only way to find out absolutely is to do a stress test but that is very hard work. So you could try working at between 60-70% of your theoretical max HR and see how that feels.

oh that's alright then - i was getting up to like 150ish and panicking but my max theoretically is is 184 - mind that's a crazily high percentage given i really wasn't doing anything too strenuous does that mean i'm massively unfit?