The Brave Babes Battle Bus - Still On A Sober Holiday, Waiting For The Summer!

[Mouseface]

Hello, tis me, Mouse

I'm one of the Brave Babes on the Battle Bus, it's HUGE and never gets full, the doors are always open, 24/7, every single day.

We're a mixture of people who have been drinking for most of our lives and in one way or another, abuse(d) alcohol.

Some of us have stopped drinking every day completely and are taking it One Day At A Time.

Some are trying to control their drinking with medication, willpower, AA, some of us aren't quite sure what we want or where we're trying to get, but we're here, we're all in the same boat Bus, and there's a seat for ANYONE who wants one.

You can find the previous threads HERE and where this Bus first started it's journey, thanks to a wonderful lady, who'd hit rock bottom face first (and she'd admit that to us herself), seeking help and advice from a bunch of 'strangers' on an internet forum........

Come have a peek, take a seat, we don't bite or judge. We listen and will try to help, best we can.

rural don't disappear on us will you? Come back for a chat when you feel like it. It's so easy to get out of the habit of posting but we do get all excited when 'oldies' pop back to say hi

< looks sternly at Isinde and Silver who haven't popped in for aaaaaaaaaages >

I've finished my first week back on the diet proper and lost 4lb!

Feeling really tired though now I'm back at work. Might go for a run later but at the moment all I'm fit for is a big steaming mug of coffee and 40 winks minutes in front of the telly

See y'all later. Keep it real babes x

(Don't know why I said that, it just seemed like a 'keep it real' moment )

Yeah where are indie and silver and thurso?

oh dear, sorry to hear about your pain kotinka Can the older child walk part of the way alone? Or is there another parent who could help out?

I was right about the rash - the GP didn't know! Possibly scabies, and we have cream to put on. But there's only 1 tube of cream, and I've just read we should treat all of us...

Evening, tis me, Mouse

Tomorrow I am travelling to see my best friend say goodbye to her mother for the very last time.

Today has been horrific for me, planning for tomorrow. I have no idea how she is really feeling right now, nor will I ever try to.

I am drinking. I will drink tomorrow and I am self medicating. So far 1/4 glass (tall, tumbler type) of vodka and lime soda. Given the time, I doubt more will be had as we have to leave very early. I should go to bed and hold my DH until I fall asleep.

Tomorrow will be the same I expect, I'll drink to numb my mental and physical pain. My pain levels are through the roof. I saw Faire mention something about Koti?? Is she suffering? I've not read back properly......... is she ok?

I can't walk without help now due to all of this weekends' travel, (family events). And the journey tomorrow is 3 hours there, but we're stopping half-way home overnight and then back home early on Wednesday for Nemo to go to school, DH to work, me to move on.....

DD is staying with a friend so that she can go to school. No doubt if we took her out, we'd be arrested but that is a whole other post.

Life is fucking hard and cruel and I wish that lovely people didn't have to be hurt so much.

Silver - you are especially in my thoughts given your recent loss. xx

I'll post again soon, life is just a bit too much for me right now. Sorry not to read back or be if any use, I just wanted to put an honest post on here, that's what keeps 'it' all real for me. xx

mouse hello lovely, I hope you are able to be of some comfort to your friend, I'm sure she will appreciate you being there.

Good to read your post mouse - I'm a fan of honesty whatever the situation

Sorry to hear of the hard day you have ahead of you tomorrow.

Reminds me of a few years ago when I had to take the young DC's to visit their granny in hospital for what we knew would be the last time. She had said she didn't want them to see her getting very ill, so we just went that one time to see my MIL in the hospital with the children. She was nursed at home later by her daughter and sister.
Really tough to say goodbye, though the DC's made it easier for me at least, and her too I think, as we all just focused on them like you kind of have to with young children

Your best friend is so lucky to have you as her bestie you know

Thinking of you for tomorrow x

I thought this sentence of yours was rather beautiful, though sad ...

"Life is fucking hard and cruel and I wish that lovely people didn't have to be hurt so much"

These sort of things need saying sometimes ...

Just wanted to say thinking of you Mouse and the sad day ahead of you. Please let us know that you're alright when you get home.

There's a bite in the air and the park will be empty when I take Alfie for his walk;
I love this time before the real business of the day begins.

there is a bit of a bite soma! we had lots of wind yesterday and it really felt like autumn was knocking. i like that time of the morning too

not much planned today - need to do some more painting now the walls should be dry from the steam stripping and move some furniture back into place. i am such a slow worker it seems. think it's partly the having to stop and start around a child and having to leave the room useable in the meantime as we don't have rooms to spare in this little house. nevermind though - will get there eventually.

good luck today mouse, i hope your friend finds some comfort in the presence of friends and family.

JWN - come back and do a proper moan! hope things are settling down for you x

happy tuesday everyone

Morning babes,

I'm slinking back onto the bus after birthday celebrations and a small holiday. I had decided to drink while on holiday so haven't posted for a few days. It was my choice and I acknowledge it was a poor one. I noticed that by the end of the weekend I was feeling down, I think that the alcohol caused that.

So, I'm going to try for an af week. I've plotted out my danger points in the day and have a supply of soft drinks. Today is day 2.

Sorry to hear that some of the babes are having bad times. September is a funny time in the year, it's a beautiful change in the seasons and in daily routines, back to school for instance, but it is a sad, ending kind of season too. Hope for better times soon.

Morning babes.

My DH picked up a tiny bottle of wine from the supermarket for me yesterday. I was its like 'What's the point in only having 1 glass?'

I drank it, but neither enjoyed nor disliked it. It was just.... blah. I only like to drink to get at least a bit tipsy, if not downright drunk.

The dog tried to eat the tube of scabies cream.

Have a fruitful day Saf! Joey I drink to get drunk(ish) too so there's not much point in me having a glass either. That's why I think it's better if I don't drink at all. Gugg you're very self-aware and that's half the battle. My holiday was when I started drinking again too and it was downhill from there. But I'm slowly climbing up again.

On another note, are any of you blighted by OCD? I know Mouse said she was a bit that way inclined so I'm not alone. I have a pretty severe checking compulsion - doors, windows, the cooker, anything electrical. I've worked out that I have a deep-seated fear of my home and dear ones being harmed in some way and I check so much that my fingers are red raw from turning and re-turning keys. I look at switches and see that they're off but my brain doesn't believe it and I have to go and touch them over and over again :( I want it to stop because it takes up so much time and energy and makes me feel like a fruitcake. Today I've promised myself to only check everything ONCE and by posting on here I'm determined to stick with it. Thanks for reading.

Hi All. I have a drink problem. There its out. One bottle of wine per night for many years, normalised by my DH also consuming the same. Its got to that point now I'm in my forties, that I have to stop thinking this amount of drinking is normal and blummin' well quit or stick to just 2 nights a week. We've tried to cut down before, but sooner or later one of us will crumble and before you know it, we're back up to 'normal' drinking quotas.
I hate myself for drinking, I lie to my friends about how much I drink, and I despise my appearance - 3 stone overweight. Last week I managed 3 nights wine free and this week I am on day 2. Last night I hardly slept, having anxiety nightmares when I did. My brain is so used to being numbed to sleep that it doesn't seem to know how to switch off naturally anymore.
I'm hoping that I can overcome my dependency, and think I'm in the right place to do it? Can I join you????

Hi,

Welcome utterly - cool nn I find that I feel anxious at times when I don't drink. You're quite right, the booze does numb feelings. I've noticed that the anxious feelings fall into a clear pattern, so I have a spike of anxiety late at night when I'm not drinking. It's a pain in the jacksy but normal! You will find lots of brilliant advice and support on here. well done and good luck.

Hi soma glad to see that you are back on track. Sorry to hear about the checking / OCD , it's an understandable compulsion though! Good idea to try to cut back. I was going to suggest CBT but I'm quite sure you know that already

joey I misread that as 'scabies ice cream' mmmmm delicious.

Welcome Utterly, this is a great place to be, lots of support available anytime day or night:)

I made it sound like we live in a house of filth and chaos, infested with scabies, wine bottles lying around, dogs chewing on scraps on the floor...

soma agree, if we only drink to get drunk its better just to cut it ought altogether. The single glass last night will have done nothing except trigger an urge to have more tonight.

utterly welcome, you will find lots of support and advice here.

good luck isinde - maybe worth investing in some over the counter sleeping pills too so you can take them then settle in bed with your kindle expecting to sleep? lovely to see you x

welcome utterly. have you thought about going to the gp just for a health check and some blood tests? a liver functioning test might be good after years of consistent heavy drinking like that and might help your determination if you really acknowledge the physical pressure you've put on your body.

painting painting painting here. nothing to report except i have downloaded the couch to 5k podcast and put it on my mp3 player and ordered a pair of running shoes. whether this actually translates into me going out and doing it is another matter obviously

Thanks everyone for making me feel welcome .

I'm just going to take it one day at a time at the mo. I have a night out planned on Friday night with some friends, but think I can be honest with them and tell them I'm trying to cut down. They know me, and my capacity for wine on a night out.

swallowedAfly I really do not want my heavy drinking to be noted on my medical records. With the NHS setting restrictions to ops for people with lower levels of BMI's, what's to stop them introducing restrictions for people who drink / have drunk over recommended levels of alcohol in the future. I don't want to go there.

kotinka How long have you been back in control after a bottle a night? I would like to get to the stage where I can have a couple of glasses when I go out, but none at home. Am I being realistic, or do I have to cut it out completely in your opinion?

Does anyone else have trouble sleeping when off the booze? I would rather not resort to other artificial ways to relax (pills etc). Any tips?

Utterly - some drink free nights each week sound good. DH and I are working towards keeping drinking for the weekends only - but some nights a pear cider or bottle of red seems very tempting eg. before first day back after summer break.
Maybe you could try hard not to break open a second bottle between you and DH. Sorry, if that seems a really simplistic idea ! A whole bottle each sounds a lot to me.
Hope today went well mouse x

saf running? exercise?! how do you manage it with the CFS? DH fixed my bike at the weekend - I told him not to bother as I wouldn't really use it - haven't used it all summer.

Are you on any medication? I quit the mirtazapine 5 days ago (due to side effects) and feel like the tiredness/brain-fog is creeping back up... Now I have weaned off seroxat, and quit mirtaz, my anxiety levels are ummmm not good. Suspect I have been 'self-medicating' with alcohol for years.

Yes I will go back to the GP, just wondering what alternatives there are....

thought it was decided it wasn't cfs aj? sounds like anxiety is your key problem and can create all sorts of effects in the body.

cfs treatment options are minimal - more about lifestyle management and such. i have been pretty well (touching wood frantically) for a while now. it tends to flare worst for me when i get any kind of infection or bug or if i'm failing to sleep properly (so anxiety, stress etc can trigger that and bring it on). also find certain parts of the year worse than others - season changes and such. for others it can be massively diet related and/or they have to avoid all chemicals. i have a friend whose husband has it really badly and he can't be in a house that's been recently painted or such - they have to buy special paints and allsorts.

mine mainly seems to do with my immune system - if that gets hit it wipes me out, the first way i know i have an infection is by feeling like i'm carrying a ton of concrete on my back and becoming totally flat and down and achy - that happens before i even get the signs re: toothache, sinus pain, cold symptons,whatever it is. and takes me longer to recover than most. god knows though - it's all a bit of a mystery and i try to ignore it as much as possible and try to feel grateful it's not worse than it is given what my friend's dh goes through.

right off to walk dogs and pick up ds from school.

Hi kot
glad to hear that you are feeling better. mind if I ask how long you had to go before the cravings disappeared?
Oh and the OU course is cognitive development in children, what are you doing?

Can't remember who thought of it, but the idea of taking some herbal sleeping pills, when needed, is a brilliant one. See Mn has the answer to everything?

Afternoon babes.